How to "get rid" of a "friend".

oldtractor

Sorry that the title is so harsh but I really am at my wits-end.
A couple of years ago I befriended a lady who lives just outside our village. We share an interest in horses, This last year she has become more nad more dependent, rings me 5 days a week at least sometimes twice a day. stays on the phone for an hour at a time. most of the conversation is utter rubbish, shes psyching herself up to either do some housework or ride the horse. then there is moan moan moan moan about EVERYTHING.
It is very very wearing. I've tried not answering the phone but then she calls in at my house. In fact shes just gone. I'd put my lunch out and it was cold by the time she left, she wont take a hint that I'm busy or occupied or anything. I'm absolutely sick to death about her going on about her horse nad her hunting , she has no life other than the hunt and local cross country competitions and I am just not interested. She'll spend an hour talking about a photo of her taken going over a jump for example and should she buy it? she seems unable to make even simple decisions and asks my advice on everything. then theres the lack of money she claims shes broke but a. goes hunting
b. keeps 2 horses c. goes aboard on holiday
d. runs a horsebox.
I've tried to interest her in going out with her husband but they lead separate lives. I guess shes lonely as it transpires even her own grown up family [ who live a long wway away] dont answer the phone to her. People in the village avoid her.
Shes extra needy and is me me me and seems to have latched on to me.
Me and my DH have a good relationship and horses arnt my be all and end all i have a life. its starting to call a bit of friction between me and my DH as I am getting very down about all her moaning and problems and the other day I ended up shouting at him about something. I cannot take anymore but dont know what to do without being extremely rude to her which I dont want to do. Sadly ,today, she arrived at my house and eventually with a cold lunch staring at me and a hungry belly I did say she was talking rubbish and that i want interested. She just stood there in silence for about 2 seconds then started talking about something else.
meanwhile we and my DH are struggling on 1 lowish wage and her problems are nothing compared to mine.
Sorry to complain, but I need help here.

DomRavioli

Hi OP

You seem unable to tell this woman no, and mean it. Try that first, it usually works.

dogcat_2

I think maybe you are just going to have to be rude to her...and simply tell her that you have nothing in common with her...and maybe she could join a club to do with horses where she will find people with common interests. I can't see any other way out of this...sorry.:o

tea_lover

Next time she turns up at your house don't let her in. You could stand in the doorway, tell her you're just about to eat/go out/something else and then close the door.

If she's still not getting the hint after a couple of times of this I think you may just have to be blunt with her and ask her to leave you alone.

~Beanie~

Get caller ID on your phone and if you she that it's her ringing, don't answer, let it go to voice mail. Tell her you didn't hear it ring or something.

Don't answer the front door or if you have to, answer it with your coat on and keys in hand, say you are just popping out. I definitely wouldn't have let my lunch go cold for her, just would have apologised, told her I'm about to eat and shut the door.

She will soon get the hint and hopefully latch on to someone else.

warehouse

OP, the longer it goes on the harder it will be to stop. You need to act now by either telling her straight or completely ignoring calls and knocks on the door.
You must start distancing yourself every chance you get.

PlutoinCapricorn

She sounds like a classic case of an energy vampire.

She is not interested in you at all; she does not care about your wellbeing or the effect she is having on you. I am not surprised that people avoid her.

I have no experience of village life, but guess it makes it more difficult to escape her.

"A person who is an energy vampire is always complaining, they are selfish, envious, desperate, outraged, ready to speak ill of people and to stir their souls. They are unable to bring a little happiness into people’s lives. They are in bad states of mind; they are constantly unhappy and grouchy. They always seek out the company of other people in order to tell them of their problems, of how hard life is for them, about their bad financial status, they always complain and they remember bad events from the past, repeating them over and over again. This way, they believe that they will receive the sympathy of their friends, help with their knowledge and the attention of the people around them."

http://dailyhealthbeauty.com/the-energy-vampires-are-how-they-affect-your-health-and-how-you-can-get-rid-of-them

Mistral001

We all need friends and I would not be rude to her or rebuff her.

Her behaviour probably only happens when the two of you are alone, so perhaps you need to try to reduce the number of times you are alone with her and try to only see her with others. Invite her around when your husband or another friend is there for example.

PlutoinCapricorn

We all need friends who are not all take and no give.

Sometimes rebuffing people is done out of sheer self defence.

jess1974

I have a couple of friends who ring me quite frequently and spend an hour on the phone talking about absolutely nothing....i find it frustrating as i don't particularly enjoy chatting on the phone anyway....depending on my mood i sometimes don't answer and reply later with a text apologising and saying i was out...
I do love both these ladies dearly and would not want to lose their friendship, i'm just not one for chatting on the phone for ages.
I am also not very good at confrontation, so if i was the Op i would not answer the phone or the door x

TrickyWicky

Point her to this thread and tell her to to see if it seems familar