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How to "get rid" of a "friend".

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  • Errata
    Errata Posts: 38,230 Forumite
    10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    Why on earth haven't you contacted the RSPCA? If the horses are malnourished they probably have a fair selection of other health problems. I can't understand the thinking of someone who knows animals are being ill treated and does nothing about it.
    .................:)....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)
  • She is draining your energy and taking over your life. I think she is doing it because her marriage is failing and she is probably depressed, with no one to off load to.
    If it was me, I would distance myself without a big falling out. Don't answer the phone or the door unless you want to. Keep yourself busy, make up excuses and don't be so available to her. Your husband has noticed she is demanding of you and its irritating him, think of him in all of this as well.
    Eventually she will get the message and move on to some one else.
    If any animals are being mid treated you must report it to the RSPCA.
  • This is getting worse and worse - those poor horses.

    As I understand it, people such as your 'friend' operate unconsciously: there is no awareness nor introspection. Their inner state can be that of someone who is starving or drowning - that is why they desperately try to latch onto someone. They have not got the inner energy support system that most of us have. Perhaps they were neglected and ill-treated as children. They need expert, professional help but may never seek it.
    Who having known the diamond will concern himself with glass?

    Rudyard Kipling


  • oldtractor
    oldtractor Posts: 2,262 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    edited 11 June 2014 at 1:10PM
    Errata they are not so very bad I think, I have a friend who knows more than me who is keeping an eye on them she says that if they arnt looking in better condition by the end of the month she'll ring the RSPCA but at the moment she feels its best to just keep an eye out and see if they pick up rather than waste scare resources of the charity.
    Sorry that sholdnt have all been in bold.
  • oldtractor
    oldtractor Posts: 2,262 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    She is draining your energy and taking over your life. I think she is doing it because her marriage is failing and she is probably depressed, with no one to off load to.
    If it was me, I would distance myself without a big falling out. Don't answer the phone or the door unless you want to. Keep yourself busy, make up excuses and don't be so available to her. Your husband has noticed she is demanding of you and its irritating him, think of him in all of this as well.
    Eventually she will get the message and move on to some one else.
    If any animals are being mid treated you must report it to the RSPCA.

    I agree, you have hit the nail on the head.
  • oldtractor
    oldtractor Posts: 2,262 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    This is getting worse and worse - those poor horses.

    As I understand it, people such as your 'friend' operate unconsciously: there is no awareness nor introspection. Their inner state can be that of someone who is starving or drowning - that is why they desperately try to latch onto someone. They have not got the inner energy support system that most of us have. Perhaps they were neglected and ill-treated as children. They need expert, professional help but may never seek it.

    re professional help I agree, wish someone could do something for her goodness knows I've tried.
    As said before she and her husband lead separate lives, her children are miles away and dont want to talk to her on the phone [ shes told me this herself]. shes also told me she spends all morning in bed a lot of the time and casnt get up so the horses dont get their hay until lunch time. I think shes depressed and needy, a neighbour of mine, a retired nurse , thinks it could be early dementia, who knows what or why.
    its all very very sad.
  • jobbingmusician
    jobbingmusician Posts: 20,347 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    oldtractor, what I am reading sounds as if you don't want to 'defriend' her, and that you are willing to support her a bit, but need to put boundaries on it. Am I right? Would you be happier supporting her for an hour or two a week than just shutting her out? If so, you need to tell her this (I wondered about presenting her with diary evidence to show her how much of your life she's been consuming!) and see if you can set a boundary to meet once a week for tea, or something, with strict time observance.....
    Ex board guide. Signature now changed (if you know, you know).
  • oldtractor
    oldtractor Posts: 2,262 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    jobbingmusician yes thats right. so far, today, she hasnt rung hopefully this non contact will continue until next week and then i'll email her suggesting a coffee in a cafe. i'll be sure to let her know i'm very busy. i'm just hoping that i'll beable to get the situation onto a better footing without causing a big break up as thats not healthy or good for anyone.
  • purpleshoes_2
    purpleshoes_2 Posts: 2,653 Forumite
    oldtractor wrote: »
    Errata they are not so very bad I think, I have a friend who knows more than me who is keeping an eye on them she says that if they arnt looking in better condition by the end of the month she'll ring the RSPCA but at the moment she feels its best to just keep an eye out and see if they pick up rather than waste scare resources of the charity.
    Sorry that sholdnt have all been in bold.

    RSPCA are the last charity Id contact if an animal was suffering, they are also, compared to some others, one of the best funded ones in the UK.

    Horses with visible ribs and short of food, I wouldnt be waiting another 3 weeks to raise concerns.
  • oldtractor
    oldtractor Posts: 2,262 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Mortgage-free Glee!
    edited 11 June 2014 at 5:13PM
    I'll pass this on the my friend who knows more about Gs horses and is keeping an eye on them.
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