How to "get rid" of a "friend".

dandelionclock30

OP have you ever had problems or been depressed and needed someone to talk to? Have you ever leaned on this woman yourself at all?
If you have been helped by her then its a bit tight to dump her now when she is having problems.If she has never ever been there for you then thats different really.
Only you can decide what to do, but later on when your having problems yourself and everyone does then think about who you talk to.

indsty

Next time you see/hear her then have the conversation and add "I'm going to be very tied up until Wednesday, so I'll give you a ring then". That puts the onus on you rather than her, but gives you control. If she does ring or call round before then be firmly apologetic "oh, did you forget I was busy, never mind I'll phone on Wednesday" ... Wean her off, it will take time but hopefully will get through her very thick skin eventually.

Brighton_belle

Mistral001 wrote: »

We all need friends and I would not be rude to her or rebuff her.

We all need friends that don't suck the life out of us, and that we dread seeing. This isn't 'a friend' it is a person the OP knows - completely different. Having clear boundaries of how you spend your life/time and who with isn't being rude.


Part of the problem OP is you're own behaviour is very passive - I simply can't comprehend letting my dinner go cold. With a pleasant voice and smile, I would simply have said, my dinners ready now, lovely to see you but I need to eat, (and ushered her out and shut the door if she didn't then act like a normal person and go.)
Stop expecting her to get hints - be clear and direct.
Stop staying on the phone for an hour - again, be clear and direct that you need to go after 10 mins , say goodbye and put the phone down.

bugslet

I agree with Brighton belle, set some clear time limits and stick to them.

Could you steel yourself to talk to her about why she doesn't have any friends. I sometimes wonder if peopel such as this lady realise what they are like and think maybe they just need a nudge/big old shove to make them realise that whinging/whining/latching on/being needy/taking more than giving is a one way ticket to loneliness. On the other hand if you think she wouldn't 'get' it, because she had the hide of a rhino, then maybe you have to be more abrupt. Life's too short though to get stressed over her.

busiscoming2

You have to be firmer with her. When she rings either don't answer it or speak for ten minutes and then say I have to go now, sorry and hang up.

When she calls round you could just not answer the door to her. My way of dealing with it (I'm quite upfront) is to sit her down next time she comes round and explain that while you enjoy the occasional chat about horses etc, it just isn't a huge part of your life. Tell her that you don't have the time to chat to her everyday but suggest contact is once a week (if you want to).

You are going to have to be tough.

oldtractor

Brighton_belle wrote: »

We all need friends that don't suck the life out of us, and that we dread seeing. This isn't 'a friend' it is a person the OP knows - completely different. Having clear boundaries of how you spend your life/time and who with isn't being rude.


Part of the problem OP is you're own behavior is very passive - I simply can't comprehend letting my dinner go cold. With a pleasant voice and smile, I would simply have said, my dinners ready now, lovely to see you but I need to eat, (and ushered her out and shut the door if she didn't then act like a normal person and go.)
Stop expecting her to get hints - be clear and direct.
Stop staying on the phone for an hour - again, be clear and direct that you need to go after 10 mins , say goodbye and put the phone down.

I think you are right. I've tried doing the 10 min thing on the phone and have even put the receiver down but felt awful afterwards. I need to do it more often and not feel bad.
I should have pushed her out saying I was about to eat, didn't think of that it seems rude but actually it isn't. I am being taken advantage of.
Shes just as bad if my husband or family are home she cant take a hint. she is an emotional vampire, haven't heard of that before but its her alright.
If she was really upset/in difficulty I'd help . i'm like that, but it isn't that with her, its a daily need to suck the blood, emotionally exhausting, honestly if i rented my home instead of owning it when the lease was up I'd move to get away, really I would its so bad.
Guess I'll have to grow a thicker skin myself and start being more pro -active.

bugslet

The other expression is drains and radiators, some people drain you of energy, some radiate it right back at you and warm you up.

aggypanthus

I would send her a note explaining that you no longer wish to develop a friendship, as you feel you have no common interests and that u simply dont have time for any new people in your life. Wish her well and ask her not to have call at the house or ph you.
Maybe even blame your OH?

Its s not very nice for the lady, I feel for her as iI have had such rejections before myself.

oldtractor

aggypanthusthis is the problem, I dont think shutting her out completely is good as it will be very hurtful to her and she seems to be lonely, i just wish she's be more normal. i need to try to "put her back in her box" so to speak. I dont want to be nasty and unfeeling but its looking like i am going to have to be .

ViolaLass

Why did you not eat when she was there?