Is it right that my BF wont pay for anything?

scottishsavingsgirl

Regardless of how much he earns, I'd recommend the first thing you do is total up all your monthly costs which you are sharing in (rent/mortgage, utilities, food etc). Even though his name is not on the mortgage, if he is living with you, he should be paying some kind of base rent, as well as halving in with the utilities which he is also using.

Once you've got a figure for what you would expect him to be paying, sit him down and explain that you feel the monthly costs should be split. If you have been living together for a while, he shouldn't feel that it is an unreasonable request. If you were living with a flat mate or a friend, you would expect them to pay their way equally.

Any other costs such as takeaways can be decided as and when you decide to have one. Gifts etc are part of being in a relationship and I wouldn't personally look at those things in terms of contribution to the household.

I was hesitant to approach the subject of money with my partner, but once you get it out the way and understand how much each of you should be paying, it won't be such an issue.

If for some reason, he reacts badly to paying equally, maybe you need to question why that is. However, that is something which you would need to discuss with him.

Hope I've helped

Morglin

I would have thought, and perhaps I am old fashioned, that, if you are in a relationship, living together, you share it all?

Staying in, going out, food, utilities etc., etc.,

Lin

Top_Girl

To start with, I'd sit down with a bank statement and look at every DD bar your mortgage and every card payment to a supermarket or local shop and ask him for exactly half as his household contribution. I'd probably open a separate DD account for him to pay it into, but continue to pay your mortgage from your account to, let's call it, ensure continuity

Then simply don't offer takeaways or meals out and the first time he suggests it, thank him and say you'll pay for the next one...

EDIT - If I was living with someone in a property mortgaged in their name, I would expect to contribute something towards the house I was fortunate enough to be living in, without considering myself entitled to anything if we split up as in my eyes, it would be 'rent', but I understand this can be a minefield for others.

Buzzybee90

19lottie82 wrote: »

Yes, £250 does us fine.

As I said we buy stuff to take to work for breakfast and lunch, usually have a cooked breakfast for breakfast / lunch at the weekends, so after that all we need to cover is the evening meal.

We usually have steak once a week and a roast on a Sunday.

Also is included is cleaning products and toiletries, but this rarely costs more than £20 a month.

We spent about the same as Lottie and I've always been embarrassed by how high it was - we eat meat every day including steak, salmon etc! I cannot fathom £600 on food.

£500 is a lot, if I was asked to pay £500 (no rent) I'd think they were mad.

heartbreak_star

We probably spend about £500 a month on food and general groceries (cleaning products, loo roll etc) but we do eat out at least once a week (comes to about £200 of it, but we don't do much else).

HBS x

DaveTheMus

he's spending his money on something......Id say gambling.

okborednow

He appears to only be able/prepared to pay a fixed amount....
He is very careful with his phone....
He travels a lot....

Am I the only one thinking he has another woman/whole other family somewhere?

Melaniep101

OP - Your post sounds scarily familiar to me! I've been a single mum for many years (daughter now grown up) and have come across one or two "c0cklodgers" during that time. The thing to ask yourself and perhaps your bf is could he live somewhere else for £500 all in (including takeaways, vet bills etc). The answer is likely to be probably not.

I live down South and you can't rent a room for £500 a month, let alone bills, food etc.

I'd be very wary of his seemingly ungenerous attitude, it's really not down to you to subsidise him. My husband is a bit stingy at times, we went through a phase of me buying everything for the home, and him barely chipping in. I refuse to buy anything these days, we have the essentials, and if there's something he's missing, he can put his hand in his pocket. We split the bills equally and I refuse to bankroll anything else.

Perhaps he'll get the message if you don't offer to pay for takeaways anymore, if he says lets get a chinese, ask him for the cash/his card. When the dog needs to see the vet, he can take him/her and pay for it, don't be the first to step forward with the money!

Good luck!

Mojisola

TESTER123 wrote: »

I havent spoken to him about it as I always worried about "rocking the boat"... as he gets very defensive.

If he feels that the money he hands over every month is enough to pay all bills and all treats/entertainments, then why does he get defensive?

Buzzybee90

Melaniep101 wrote: »

OP - Your post sounds scarily familiar to me! I've been a single mum for many years (daughter now grown up) and have come across one or two "c0cklodgers" during that time. The thing to ask yourself and perhaps your bf is could he live somewhere else for £500 all in (including takeaways, vet bills etc). The answer is likely to be probably not.

I live down South and you can't rent a room for £500 a month, let alone bills, food etc.

I'd be very wary of his seemingly ungenerous attitude, it's really not down to you to subsidise him. My husband is a bit stingy at times, we went through a phase of me buying everything for the home, and him barely chipping in. I refuse to buy anything these days, we have the essentials, and if there's something he's missing, he can put his hand in his pocket. We split the bills equally and I refuse to bankroll anything else.

Perhaps he'll get the message if you don't offer to pay for takeaways anymore, if he says lets get a chinese, ask him for the cash/his card. When the dog needs to see the vet, he can take him/her and pay for it, don't be the first to step forward with the money!

Good luck!

The £500 isn't rent though, it's just bills.