Is it right that my BF wont pay for anything?

jellie

OP, you need to sit down and work out a budget and then agree his contribution between you.

I think he probably believes his £500 covers everything and because you've never had a proper conversation about it, he won't know how much of it is actually left over after the bills etc are paid.

Whatever you do, make sure you protect your property financially from him, in case you split up in the future.

LannieDuck

OP I would keep a record for a month (or a couple of months) of actual expenditure. Then agree how much his standing order will be and what it will cover (utilities, super market shopping, council tax), and agree that everything else falls outside and he needs to pay half (e.g. vet's bills).

DUTR

TESTER123 wrote: »

well food bill budget (that's everything including pet food, snacks, drinks, household cleaning supplies) is £600 a month for the two of us ... I dont think im being unreasonable to expect him to pay half towards any extras..

I'm looking at my monthly budget now, I live in a traditional 3 bed semi, c/tax, energy,water and c/c (which is used for grocery) = 397gbp .
You may not think it's unreasonable, everybody runs it differently, for me I wouldn't have anybody move in with me, and if I do decide to buy somewhere with someone then they will have to stump up half.
If my GF visits I pay for meals out etc, if I visit her she pays as we are guests to each other as far as we are concerned.

BitterAndTwisted

Can I remind people that this is not a household budgeting issue. That's for the Old-Style or Debt-Free Wannabe parts of the forum.

This thread is about someone who is unwilling to share expenses fairly. He might have higher daily travelling expenses or a huge credit-card bill but neither of those are excuses for parasiting off a partner. They might be material issues if they were married, had made a life-time commitment to each other and had a joint-bank account but they're not

rach_k

I would just explain to him that you think he may be overpaying on the household bills so you want to reduce the amount he's paying to exactly half. Write out your list of bills excluding mortgage and household repairs (don't include things like going out, holidays, take-aways) and ask him to pay exactly 50% and mention that anything not on the list will either be paid for by the person wanting it (e.g. if you buy yourself clothes or get a hair cut, you will pay for it) or split equally if you're both wanting it (e.g. a take-away). If it's a little less than the £500 he's currently paying, that should sound good to him as it will be a reduction in his fixed monthly outgoings.

Then next time you get a take-away, ask him to pay half. When his dog goes to the vet, get him to pay in full. If he's a decent normal person who simply thought that £500 was plenty to cover everything, once he knows the actual figures and you've agreed to split optional extras he'll cough up. If he's a scrounger, he'll make a fuss and you'll know to get rid of him.

PasturesNew

I've thought about this and the figures - and I can see where the blurring of the lines exist.

There are two elements to living in a house, potentially three areas of contention:

- Bills: gas, water, electricity, council tax, TV/phone services that come into the home, home repairs, cleaning materials, loo rolls etc.
- Food: Basic groceries, alcohol, still drinks, convenience foods.

The further contention and complication comes from "life and lifestyle". e.g. buying things/nicer things for the house (e.g. some new cushions, curtains, a lamp, new saucepans). "Going out" hasn't been defined/costed. Dog, I've no comment on.

At £500 it's easy to see why the cost of takeaways etc is included....

I think a restructuring of the finances needs to be put in place so that the amount given/received covers the household bills and basic groceries.... and treats, takeaways, alcohol etc is taken out of it.

There's more .... maybe the OP puts their own packed lunch items (which might be expensive) in the shopping trolley, along with special dietary whims and wants .... whereas the boyfriend is paying for his own lunches in a works' canteen or at the food van.

Once you get food/drink into the mix it can become unbalanced. Maybe if he sees 6 bottles of wine/week going in the trolley that he never drinks, it seems only reasonable that (having paid £500) the chicken tikka collected on the way home is "included".

The range of what is included/not is far too open to interpretation - and £500 is a lot.

I'd suggest a hard look at this part of the deal in the next 1-3 months to nail it.

The route to operating like a couple might come more easily by operating like two singles, where you have greater understanding of the elements of what's included, who has/gets what and that means knowing the nitty gritty.

DUTR

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Can I remind people that this is not a household budgeting issue. That's for the Old-Style or Debt-Free Wannabe parts of the forum.

This thread is about someone who is unwilling to share expenses fairly. He might have higher daily travelling expenses or a huge credit-card bill but neither of those are excuses for parasiting off a partner. They might be material issues if they were married, had made a life-time commitment to each other and had a joint-bank account but they're not

You mention parasite, where is this 500gbp going? The OP's friend maybe better off moving out and using the 500gbp towards their own living costs without the moaning that comes with co-habiting.

lazer

If household costs (excluding Mortgage, house insurance and maintenance etc) are over £1000 a month - you are spending a lot of money.

My house - a normal 3 bed semi for 2 people would cost around £500 (Excluding Mortgage, buildings insurance etc)

I would say you bf thinks the £500 inlcudes quite a bit of surplus for spending on fun things!

Talk to him

Nadstar

Mortage and ALL bills inc phone, bb, car insurance etc come to just over £1000 here, assuming that someone was foolish/brave enough to move in, I would have to remove the mortgage, my phone and the car from that figure and add £45 for Council tax - Meaning that bills would come to UNDER £275 - So £137.50 each, meaning that given you have said he doesn't contribute to the mortgage/pay rent, there would be £362.50pcm left to be spent as you see fit?

Even with the crazily high food budget you have set - there is still £62.50? (Easily enough to pay for ordinary vet bills/insure the dog!!)

Just give him a rent book and be straight forward about things!

esmy

I think it's not necessarily the case that he's fleecing you, OP - he might not have a clue what things cost. Where did he live before he moved in with you? Has he ever met household costs himself or did he come straight from his family home?

This isn't hard to sort out. Add up all your joint household spending (excluding the mortgage), split it in half, agree a sum each for 'treat' spends (and if you exceed it, it's halved again) - what's left is your own. If you're the one who 'manages' the household spending, show him the figures. His response to this will tell you what you need to know about the future of your relationship.

Me and OH have been together over 30 years and this works for us (we do earn roughly the same) - but he wouldn't have a clue exactly how much the council tax is, or the fuel bills, unless I showed him.