Is it right that my BF wont pay for anything?

TESTER123_2

Hi,

I would like some friendly advice please, I have been living with my boyfriend for a year now. He pays me £500 (even through he earns more than me) a month towards his living costs, rent etc.

I pay for everything all the bills, mortgage and food. I am happy with this and feel that its a fair deal.

My real only problem is, I pay everything else also...if we have a takeaway, if our dog is ill, if we go out to dinner. etc etc

I really dont want to come across as a gold-digger as I am not - I am a very independent woman with my own house and career - but it would be nice just for him to offer to pay for the odd thing? Whenever I sugguest maybe it would be nice for him to pay, he says he cant afford it!

The only thing he does do which is nice is hes buys me flowers on Valentines day or for my birthday. I have just come out of a abusive and controlling relationship with my ex-husband - so im worried that I maybe heading in the same direction.

Please could I have peoples advice? Many Thanks.

Ms_Chocaholic

My first thought would be - is the mortgage just in your name? Who's dog is it?

I agree he should pay for meals out/takeaways and food. Have you spoken to him about this.

Kayalana99

More just to add some more facts to the picture, how much do you actually spend on bills / food? Ignore the takeaways and going out for the minute but do you actually use all of that £500 ?

Our bills + shopping/petrol/ would be about £1100

What does he spend his money on?

Nothing you have said would make me think he is abusive...perhaps you are getting walked over a bit depending on the situation but abusive? Is their more that your telling us? Do you feel pressured to pay for things because of something he is saying/doing?

pimento

Don't marry him.

jaylee3

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

My first thought would be - is the mortgage just in your name? Who's dog is it?

I agree he should pay for meals out/takeaways and food. Have you spoken to him about this.

Why should he pay for meals and takeaways and food if he is already paying £500 towards rent and bills etc? This amount would have been worked out between the OP and said boyfriend beforehand yes? He should maybe pay half towards takeways and meals out, but not all.

Also OP, when you go out for meals, and have takeways, does he ever offer to pay half? Or are you saying he pays nothing? Ever?

Why do you think this may be leaning towards him being 'abusive?'

Indie_Kid

Surely, the £500 is to help with things like bills and takeaways?

TESTER123_2

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

My first thought would be - is the mortgage just in your name? Who's dog is it?

I agree he should pay for meals out/takeaways and food. Have you spoken to him about this.

Hi,

Thanks for you reply.

The mortgage is in my name, so that why I feel he should only give me money towards living costs - I dont include costs for rent or anything to do with the house.

The dog is officially hes, but we both paid for her. She was a rescue and had to be flow to the UK. But say he wanted to leave, he could take her. Which again I feel is unfair.

I paid for her vet treatments - included when we had her spayed.

...he is a bit younger than me (hes 32 and im 35) maybe im just being old fashioned.

I havent spoken to him about it as I always worried about "rocking the boat"... as he gets very defensive.

millysg1

Makes me wonder where the rest of his money is going? Similar thing happened with a friend of mine, they split bills and mortgage 50/50 but she was still studying and he was earning a decent wage. He never paid for anything else and always fell to her to top up for anything "extra". He was always skint and she didn't think to ask where the rest of his money was going. Lets just say when she did find out, when he was arrested, she quickly left him!

Kayalana99

TESTER123 wrote: »

I havent spoken to him about it as I always worried about "rocking the boat"... as he gets very defensive.

That sounds like you've gone from one bad relationship to another to me, you should feel comfortable talking to your partner about these sorts of issues.
and you shouldn't be walking on egg shells in a relationship.

millysg1

Im not sure why the £500 bill and rent should go towards paying for going out for dinners. that should at least be 50/50

Mojisola

TESTER123 wrote: »

I have been living with my boyfriend for a year now. He pays me £500 (even through he earns more than me) a month towards his living costs, rent etc.

I pay for everything all the bills, mortgage and food. I am happy with this and feel that its a fair deal.

My real only problem is, I pay everything else also.

TESTER123 wrote: »

The mortgage is in my name, so that why I feel he should only give me money towards living costs - I dont include costs for rent or anything to do with the house.

I havent spoken to him about it as I always worried about "rocking the boat"... as he gets very defensive.

So despite earning more than you, he pays £500 a month and gets all his living and going-out costs covered?

You're living with a gold-digger.

If the relationship isn't good enough for you to discuss this issue with him, perhaps you should be giving him notice to leave.