Is it right that my BF wont pay for anything?

thorsoak

1. If he were to leave you, would you manage all the bills on your own?

2. If he were to leave, would you be broken-hearted?

3. Or would you be broken-hearted if he took the dog?

If you have only recently come out of an abusive relationship, are you really sure that you are ready to be in another relationship which, if not abusive, is not too comfortable for you?

If you were happy with him, you wouldn't be asking us these questions.

Some ideas for you to ponder.....

TESTER123_2

Kayalana99 wrote: »

More just to add some more facts to the picture, how much do you actually spend on bills / food? Ignore the takeaways and going out for the minute but do you actually use all of that £500 ?

Our bills + shopping/petrol/ would be about £1100

What does he spend his money on?

Nothing you have said would make me think he is abusive...perhaps you are getting walked over a bit depending on the situation but abusive? Is their more that your telling us? Do you feel pressured to pay for things because of something he is saying/doing?

Sorry I didnt want to suggest that he is abusive, far from it. He is lovely guy and is kind and caring. If it wasn't for this one issue I would say he was almost perfect.

The only other thing that worries me is that he hides hes phone a lot - keeps it on silent and puts it face down. etc but again, my ex-husband had an affair, so I might be over thinking this...

I guess im just worried about making the same mistake twice.

I spend roughly the same amount of money on the bills. Food including takeaway roughly £600 - but im trying to work on this... LOL

The most I Know about hes spending is, he has to travel a lot, so petrol costs are very high and he is also paying off a credit card which he says has a balance of £4,000

BitterAndTwisted

He earns more than you but keeps his hand in his pocket whenever anything happens outside of regular housekeeping expenses crop up?

He gets defensive and you're afraid of rocking the boat if you challenge him? Well, his strategy is working, isn't it?

In my opinion he's a tightwad and is taking the mickey. I know what I'd be doing and that's asking him outright for half and if he won't cough up, out the door he goes.

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millysg1 wrote: »

Makes me wonder where the rest of his money is going? Similar thing happened with a friend of mine, they split bills and mortgage 50/50 but she was still studying and he was earning a decent wage. He never paid for anything else and always fell to her to top up for anything "extra". He was always skint and she didn't think to ask where the rest of his money was going. Lets just say when she did find out, when he was arrested, she quickly left him!

This is exactly why im worried.... if truth be told...

fivetide

Hope you've got a legal agreement drawn up around the rent/living costs issue.

Sounds like he's on a well cushy ride....

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thorsoak wrote: »

1. If he were to leave you, would you manage all the bills on your own?

2. If he were to leave, would you be broken-hearted?

3. Or would you be broken-hearted if he took the dog?

If you have only recently come out of an abusive relationship, are you really sure that you are ready to be in another relationship which, if not abusive, is not too comfortable for you?

If you were happy with him, you wouldn't be asking us these questions.

Some ideas for you to ponder.....

This is great advice, thank you x

BitterAndTwisted

He's using you to pay for joint stuff so he can pay off his credit-card bill. He's hiding his phone because he is keeping something from you. A person with nothing to hide wouldn't be doing that. Perhaps that four grand was racked up paying for meals out and hotels with Someone Else.

wannabe_credit_free

He should be paying half of everything apart from personals. You and he should sit down and work out exactly what your household costs are, then you both should pay 50/50. Same applies to date nights, any personal spending should be separate.

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Mojisola wrote: »

So despite earning more than you, he pays £500 a month and gets all his living and going-out costs covered?

You're living with a gold-digger.

If the relationship isn't good enough for you to discuss this issue with him, perhaps you should be giving him notice to leave.

Im glad that you can see my point of view, as I think relationships should be equal...

duchy

Although you don't want him contributing to the mortgage or anything that would improve the property as it would give him a possible claim -which is right in a relationship where you haven't planned a future at the moment.......and £500 is in most areas what he could expect to pay or a bit less as food is included for a flatshare so that sounds fine BUT going out, holidays, weekends away, dog bills should be fifty fifty. Anything else he's taking you for a mug.