Is it right that my BF wont pay for anything?

System

He should be paying for his dog.

TESTER123_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

Why should he pay for meals and takeaways and food if he is already paying £500 towards rent and bills etc? This amount would have been worked out between the OP and said boyfriend beforehand yes? He should maybe pay half towards takeways and meals out, but not all.

Also OP, when you go out for meals, and have takeways, does he ever offer to pay half? Or are you saying he pays nothing? Ever?

Why do you think this may be leaning towards him being 'abusive?'

Im happy to go halfs with any extras like a meal out or vet bills - nope he never offers....

Anatidaephobia

The problem isn't simply that he doesn't seem willing to pay for anything outside of the £500, the problem is that you're not able to sit down together and discuss it properly. Communication is key.

19lottie82

TESTER123 wrote: »

The mortgage is in my name, so that why I feel he should only give me money towards living costs - I dont include costs for rent or anything to do with the house.

So what does the £500 cover?

I find it hard to believe that bills for 2 people, excluding mortgage and anything to do with the house, totals £1k a month?

Maybe your BF thinks this too and believes his £500 covers everything?

I do think you need to have a chat with him about finances though.

If he never offers to pay when you go out, then don't go out! well, until he gets the message, at least.

If he suggests going for dinner, go, but leave your purse at home. When he looks to you to pay the bill, just say you don't have any money with you, and assumed, as he invited you, he was paying.

TESTER123_2

duchy wrote: »

Although you don't want him contributing to the mortgage or anything that would improve the property as it would give him a possible claim -which is right in a relationship where you haven't planned a future at the moment.......and £500 is in most areas what he could expect to pay or a bit less as food is included for a flatshare so that sounds fine BUT going out, holidays, weekends away, dog bills should be fifty fifty. Anything else he's taking you for a mug.

Thank you for your advice, this is exactly my thinking also. I was really worried that Im being selfish.

I think we need to talk about this together - as if im honest I think im letting this happen and probably he doesnt understand how much it is worrying me.

TESTER123_2

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

The problem isn't simply that he doesn't seem willing to pay for anything outside of the £500, the problem is that you're not able to sit down together and discuss it properly. Communication is key.

I think you are right, thank you for your advice. This is exactly what I needed as I have been feeling very confused about our relationship and I think you've hit the nail on the head.

Pricivius

Playing devil's advocate, how did you reach the £500 figure? Did you sit down with him and run through what everything was going to cost and then split it? Or did someone just pluck a nice round figure out of thin air?

The point is, maybe he doesn't realise how much everything is costing and thinks his £500 is going further than it is. So communication is the key - if you haven't already, sit him down and run through the family finances so he knows what your joint expenditure is and what his £500 is covering. Mortgage/rent is a tricky area to ensure he has no claim on your property, but aside from this, you should be splitting joint costs.

Until this is sorted, I would not be paying for any of the extras. If he asks why there's no takeaways or treats, you can't afford them. What's good for the goose...

BitterAndTwisted

On Mumsnet there's a very unflattering name for what he is doing, and that's being a "c0ckl0dger". In this instance I think it's perfectly applicable.

What I'd start doing is refusing to buy any take-aways or going for any meals out and say that you can't afford it any longer. Why should you pay? You earn less than he does.

Morglin

I wouldn't stay with anyone who is tight fisted, as he sounds to be.

Forget the mortgage, but he needs to be paying half of everything else, including meals, the dog and nights out.

Lin

fivetide

duchy wrote: »

Although you don't want him contributing to the mortgage or anything that would improve the property as it would give him a possible claim -which is right in a relationship where you haven't planned a future at the moment........

Hence why I said something legal should be drawn up.

If he's 'renting' then you should do it properly because he could claim allsorts if things go wrong and you wouldn't really be able to argue without evidence OP