Akward Situation...

victory

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Thank you Yes she realises it too and frequently points out that she doesn't like other women looking me over. This has caused us issues in the past too



Now thats more like it! Someone who recognises a decent man who is determined to do the right thing! Thanks for the compliment



Er I think you're loosing the plot a little here..



Funny you mention that as I have a mate like that too. He's always banging on about women chasing after him, how he pulls every weekend etc. It's a load of rollox. I also had another mate who literally did pull every weekend.. and usually did them on my living room floor :rotfl:



Er no and frankly, I don't consider 8 or 9 women taking interest in 9 years a lot.



Well she brought that on herself but again, thanks! I'm glad you think I did a good job :cool:



I suspect most are women who can't understand a mans POV and refuse to accept it. Thats their problem really. I tried to give the op an insight as to how we tick even showing that despite offers, not all men will stray however many here think thats a bad thing - apparently being a lying cheating d*ck is better! Given this, I genuinely hope that the ops fella is doing his manly duty and that it makes her very happy.



Thats what people are like. You say something truthfully that someone doesn't want to hear and they get their knickers in a twist. Doesn't matter that they could do something constructive with that information..



£5k? Ouch!



This +1. I think women tend to think that getting married ASAP is the way to go however acting in haste isn't always a good thing. The op has said that the romance seems to be dwindling. Is that such a bad thing? You meed someone, sh*g them senseless while there is a plentiful supply of lust and over time this wears off. Only then do you know the real person and whether you could live the rest of your life with them doing the mundane things such as housework etc.

Sure there will always be the odd few who do marry quick and make a success of it and good on them but it isn't for everyone.



Exactly. My missus used to give me hassle about getting hitched every 4-5 months and it was such a turn off. It was made worse during stressful times of my life and wasn't something i wanted to think about yet alone how to finance it.



You have to face facts, housing demand is up, we have more people here than ever recorded in history, jobs are in decline, we have many cultures all with different views on the world, relationships and marriage etc and you think you can deny it?

Wake up, you live in the real world.

Yes I have referred to immigration but that is not racist yet this is how you are reacting.



You thought that because you didn't want to acknowledge it. I wonder how many times you choose not to accept your partners POV too?



Yet you want to get married to be husband and wife? - You do realise those are just words and a bit of paper don't you? - Not shallow?



Well done you! What a tool!



Views change over time. Do you not see that? Your dad may well say that now he has a family and many happy memories but as a younger man without kids his thinking may have been completely different hence he didn't marry quickly.



But it did make quite clear that I had not been stringing her along while looking for something better - something many women here commented that their ex's have done in the past. I felt I should clear up that we're not all like that however I wish I hadn't bothered - I should have just posted something like "sounds like he's either cheating or wanting to". Afterall you're clearly anti-loyalty.



Because many MSE'rs like to pick a fight - this entire forum is full of people attacking other people. I said something that if you took the time to read and understand properly was actually a positive thing - I've had the chance to stray but thought more of my missus. Many of us blokes are like this yet we get unwanted hassle, accused of affairs etc (and yes, I've been accused multiple times).



Probably because I gave you an honest upfront opinion and you decided to accuse me of all sorts of heinous acts and going off on a long rant before I disproved it. I never suggested you get rid of your fella, i just tried to explain how we think and how daily pressures that women often don't understand, get to us.



See this is the kind of thing I dislike. I've not married by woman yet and so that means I'm coasting it. Get real quidsy. I love my girl to bits but like many men, I've had a lot on my plate. Add to that the pressures that she has also put on me and yes it was a deterrent.



Well thats exactly what I gave - a male opinion. I don't believe I ever stated that it was a cast iron fact that all men worked the same way - did I? As for the OPs opinion it seems that he isn't entirely forthcoming so I fail to understand your point.



And I never claimed to be speaking for all men. You did say women get funny ideas that need correcting, well it seems you were right because many of them in this thread have drawn their own conclusions from my posts!



Where did I state this? - I gave my own view and never suggested that ALL men were the same.

As for your other half laughing and disagreeing, good for him! I'll also bet he has probably had chances you were not aware of

I found out the other day that my missus gets men flirting with her frequently at work. First time she's ever told me that and I thought I knew her very well so it just goes to show - partners don't know everything about each other and everyone enjoys attention from the opposite sex.

Go on, go and have this conversation with your better half



On the contrary, I've sacrificed a lot for my missus to the point where it has really screwed up my life.



Man basher!

Oh and does your opinion cover ALL men - just like you assumed my post did?

I shall look forward to the barrage of hostility in the morning :cool:

I think it's very well replied, you are entitled to your opinion on any subject matter and your man view of the subject is just as valuable as a woman's , your replies could be discussed, twisted, argued, quoted, denied, infinitum but they are still valid and well expressed

quidsy

See this is the kind of thing I dislike. I've not married by woman yet and so that means I'm coasting it. Get real quidsy. I love my girl to bits but like many men, I've had a lot on my plate. Add to that the pressures that she has also put on me and yes it was a deterrent.

hmm, alot on your plate but presumably she spends all day getting her nails done & eating bon bons?

You have said you have had a lot of illness in the past, don't you think that she might want to be your wife out of concern of being able to legitimise her position in your life in case you get ill again?

You may "love her to bits" but clearly not enough to do something in your words, just a bit of paper, to put a ring on it, knowing it will make her very happy.

I just asked my husband why he wanted to get married so soon, his answer: why wait, I loved you & knew you were worth it & didn't see the point in waiting around for the right time. So there you go, another mans opinion, just not one that agrees with yours.

We did wait in the end, another 2 years but we were living overseas at the time & needed paperwork & stuff from home to be able to register an overseas wedding. it heped iron out the kinks too but we could have done that as spouses too.

It cost us 60 quid to get married in the end, 45 to the embassy for affirmations, 10 to the local translator, 4 to the ministry of foreign affairs & less than a quid to actually get married, no dress, no flowers, no party, just us. So again, doens't need to cost an arm & a leg. Another one of your justifications I recall.

fyi, your girlfriend has had a lot on her plate too, dealing with your illnesses, sticking around when others might not have, she clearly thinks you are worth it but you don't hold the same view of her. I feel sorry for her tbh, she will likely wake up one day & wonder why she bothered.

BunnieJ

Afterall you're clearly anti-loyalty.

On what basis?

Wanting to get engaged/married? I'm definately not the loyal type then.

...Oh wait :doh:

fufu_banterwaite

Bunnie – what it all comes down to is whether your boyfriend loves you or not, and you’ve said you aren’t sure. If you’ve been together all this time and you still aren’t sure of that, there is genuine reason to worry.

Lily-Rose_3

I have to admit, the first post on this page by TW (post no. 141.) needs THIS:

tl;dr
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/TL;DR#English

Sorry. I do have a lot to do today and don't have 5.5 hours to read that post!

CH27

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I have to admit, the first post on this page by TW (post no. 141.) needs THIS:

tl;dr
http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/TL;DR#English

Sorry. I do have a lot to do today and don't have 5.5 hours to read that post!

How rude!!

tea_lover

FBaby wrote: »

out of curiosity poppyoscar and tea lover, if you don't mind me asking, were either of you, or your OH ever married before?

Both married before. I was married pretty young and tbh didn't really think about it, it was just 'what you did'. It's not that it was an awful experience that put me off trying again, more that if I'd actually thought about it properly I wouldn't have bothered the first time either... if that makes sense!

gruffalosgirl

I don't post on here often, more of a lurker but just wanted to say my experience.

I got together with my OH when I was 22, by the time I was 25 I was desperate to get engaged and married as I felt everyone else was doing it (including those who hadn't been together as long as us) I felt upset for myself when others got engaged and married. Eventually I nagged him enough that he agreed to get married, then we decided to hold off telling people until "the right time" and then when I decided I could wait no longer I made him buy me an engagement ring and we were officially engaged. Was I as happy as I thought I would be? Nope cos I realised I'd forced him into it, he wasn't ready and in my desperation to be like my friends I felt like I'd ruined it, it wasn't the surprise romantic moment I'd always dreamed it would be!

Anyway fast forward 10 years, we are still together blissfully happy but still not married....yet! We have the mortgage, we have children, I love him with everything I am and we are getting married next week but I don't expect anything will actually change in our relationship except my surname and that I will now call him my husband. Life will go on as it always has, and that's fine with me!! We are essentially married as it is, just not officially!!

So my advice is to try not to pressure him into marrying you as if he does "give in" it might not be all you dream of! Wait till he is ready. Or maybe tell yourself you will give yourself a set amount of time (say 2 years) and if by that point he is still saying he is not ready then it might be time to re evaluate the relationship but in the mean time forget about everyone else and what they are doing and concentrate on you.

FBaby

Thanks for answering teal over. I think previous experience will have an impact on the desire or intention to marry again. I am surprised that my husband was prepared to do it again after what he went through the first time but I think he likes the status of being married and decided to put all his trust in me and that means much more to me then any piece of paper.

Person_one

gruffalosgirl wrote: »

Anyway fast forward 10 years, we are still together blissfully happy but still not married....yet! We have the mortgage, we have children, I love him with everything I am and we are getting married next week but I don't expect anything will actually change in our relationship except my surname and that I will now call him my husband.

Out of interest, why are you changing your surname?