Akward Situation...

dandelionclock30

I think hes just not that into you Bunnie, what with this and then all his tightfisted ways towards you indicates very strongly that he is not prepared to really give.
You cant make people change but you can really think about whats important to you and if you really think hes the man for you.
I think deep down you probably know the answer, dont waste your life with him when you could find someone who is a better fit and more giving towards you.

CH27

BunnieJ wrote: »

No, we agreed to not include the deposit money. I've paid him back for my V Festival ticket and started paying him back the rest of the money, but he hasn't mentioned it again.



That's ok. Sometimes how things sound in your head are completely different from how they read when you type them!

At the moment there aren't really any "reasons" that it would make sense to get married, other than the fact I want to be his wife lol.



The first part of your post was actually really helpful, thank you for giving a male perspective on the problem However, I am in agreement with Person_one; your post then went off into a long rant about being able to cheat on your GF, but you're such a good guy you didn't do it. I showed this thread to my OH and we both agreed it kinda made you sound a bit of a tool (no offense intended, sorry!). As I said above, it probably sounded much different in your head and was misinterpreted.

How rude!!

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

Ever heard the expression 'mansplaining'?

No, I hadn't heard of that term actually, so I googled it. I don't think TW talked down to or was condescending to the OP at all.

Georgiegirl256

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Some people just do not want to be married.

I am one of them.

We have been together over 25 years he is the love of my life and if anything should happen to him before me I will not have another partner.

But I do not want to get married.

This was true for my Aunty and Uncle. They were together over 30 years and they never got married, although they both had been married previously to other people.

heartbreak_star

I was absolutely 100% sure I'd never marry.

I then got together with the love of my life. Now I would love to marry!

HBS x

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

No, I hadn't heard of that term actually, so I googled it. I don't think TW talked down to or was condescending to the OP at all.

That's not quite what it means, although it is part of it. Its the assumption that being a man somehow means your opinion is more valuable and important and that you're here to set the ladies straight on their funny ideas.

TW keeps going on about how he's providing a 'male opinion' but the only 'male opinion' that's likely to be of any more use than anybody else's is that of the OP's boyfriend.

Men don't all think and act the same way, they're individuals, there's no such thing as the male perspective and no one man speaks for the lot of them any more than you or I could speak for all women, or I could speak for all people in their twenties, or people from my background etc etc.

jaylee3

Person_one wrote: »

That's not quite what it means, although it is part of it. Its the assumption that being a man somehow means your opinion is more valuable and important and that you're here to set the ladies straight on their funny ideas.

TW keeps going on about how he's providing a 'male opinion' but the only 'male opinion' that's likely to be of any more use than anybody else's is that of the OP's boyfriend.

Men don't all think and act the same way, they're individuals, there's no such thing as the male perspective and no one man speaks for the lot of them any more than you or I could speak for all women, or I could speak for all people in their twenties, or people from my background etc etc.

Agree with you again 'Person one.' When I showed my other half the comments from TW, he laughed. He also largely disagreed. To assume that all men think the same as he does is naive and a bit arrogant tbh.

Also, I agree about women settling for what their 'man' wants. I know a few who have done this. They don't get married, because HE doesn't want to, they don't have a child because HE doesn't want to, and they often sacrifice lifestyle choices and hobbies, and even their career, whereas men rarely sacrifice ANYthing.

Feel free to call me sexist, man-basher, whatever you like. What I'm saying is true.

What's more: I will admit it is sometimes not the man's fault at all: it is sometimes the woman's fault for tolerating it. (Sorry OP no offence.)

duchy

BunnieJ wrote: »

Yes, there are more immigrants here than there were 40 years ago.

The FACT that there are more immigrants here now is NOT a reason why people aren't getting married. I don't understand why you used it as a reason, secondary or otherwise. :-/

There have always been immigrants - My grandparents and their siblings all landed in the UK in 1900 -some of the siblings stayed and settled in the UK some moved on to America and Australia all started their own businesses and made good lives from themselves and their kids. One of the sons ended up a multimillionaire.

Other side of the family My Mum came to London from Dublin in the 50s -made her life here -worked married had kids -

I don't think any of my "immigrant" relatives ever stopped anyone from getting married though (but they did pay taxes all their lives, created employment for others, served in the British forces in WW2 and so on)

TrickyWicky

BunnieJ wrote: »

The FACT that there are more immigrants here now is NOT a reason why people aren't getting married. I don't understand why you used it as a reason, secondary or otherwise. :-/

If you were as smart as you clearly think you are, you would understand that immigration is not just about jobs but also other cultures coming here - some of those affecting our views on marriage. House prices have also gone up due to the extra demand for somewhere to live and this also leaves less money for marriage. On top of many other things also pushing up the cost of living, getting married is a cost many people these days don't want to think about unless they're 100% about it. Seeing as most men are expected to be the bread winners (with more and more wages on a slide) this along with other costs such as running a car etc is a big issue for any man and does require careful consideration.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

You misunderstood me TW - I was referring to the previous generation to me (ie. my parents) who are in their 80's

I see, however you post is a bit ambiguous as I personally read that as meaning the 1980s lol.

TrickyWicky

Lily-Rose wrote: »

WOW! Your fiancee is the luckiest woman in the world.

Thank you Yes she realises it too and frequently points out that she doesn't like other women looking me over. This has caused us issues in the past too

Lily-Rose wrote: »

You have had sooooo many offers from all these horny dames, who are after you to be their betrothed, and you STILL stayed true and faithful to your lucky lucky lady. What a hero! :T

Now thats more like it! Someone who recognises a decent man who is determined to do the right thing! Thanks for the compliment

Lily-Rose wrote: »

And you're such a hard done by man who is constantly fights against the world! All these wimmin making you pay for everything while they keep their purses tightly shut and sit on their lazy fat backsides doing nothing, and all the grubby little immigrants taking jobs 'you' could have, and breathing your oxygen!

Er I think you're loosing the plot a little here..

Lily-Rose wrote: »

:rotfl: Seriously, best laugh I've had all day. FTR, my husband works with a man who claims he has women trying it on with him every single time he goes out, sometimes actually asking him for sex (just coming up to him in Morrisons or in the queue in the post office,) and rubbing against him provocatively. Yet not one single person has ever witnessed this happening, and he looks like a cross between Danny DeVito and Shrek apparently.

Funny you mention that as I have a mate like that too. He's always banging on about women chasing after him, how he pulls every weekend etc. It's a load of rollox. I also had another mate who literally did pull every weekend.. and usually did them on my living room floor :rotfl:

Lily-Rose wrote: »

You're not him are you?

Er no and frankly, I don't consider 8 or 9 women taking interest in 9 years a lot.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

BTW, nice rubbing it in about the OP not being asked to be married!

Well she brought that on herself but again, thanks! I'm glad you think I did a good job :cool:

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I would take offence at that too. I can't see why people are having a go at you TW?

I suspect most are women who can't understand a mans POV and refuse to accept it. Thats their problem really. I tried to give the op an insight as to how we tick even showing that despite offers, not all men will stray however many here think thats a bad thing - apparently being a lying cheating d*ck is better! Given this, I genuinely hope that the ops fella is doing his manly duty and that it makes her very happy.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

All you have done is express (very well might I add) a mans POV on the subject, but I guess as it maybe wasn't what the OP wanted to hear, she's taken a strop on you....

Thats what people are like. You say something truthfully that someone doesn't want to hear and they get their knickers in a twist. Doesn't matter that they could do something constructive with that information..

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Oh, and btw TW, not all us women wanted a big white wedding! Ours cost about a £1000, nearer £5000 if you include the honeymoon!

£5k? Ouch!

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

OP, yes you might have been with your OH for 6 years, but you've only lived together for a short while, how on earth can you be even contemplating marriage?

This +1. I think women tend to think that getting married ASAP is the way to go however acting in haste isn't always a good thing. The op has said that the romance seems to be dwindling. Is that such a bad thing? You meed someone, sh*g them senseless while there is a plentiful supply of lust and over time this wears off. Only then do you know the real person and whether you could live the rest of your life with them doing the mundane things such as housework etc.

Sure there will always be the odd few who do marry quick and make a success of it and good on them but it isn't for everyone.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I mean seriously, you talk about taking all the romance out of it...,you doing that all by yourself! Give your OH a break.

Exactly. My missus used to give me hassle about getting hitched every 4-5 months and it was such a turn off. It was made worse during stressful times of my life and wasn't something i wanted to think about yet alone how to finance it.

BunnieJ wrote: »

Nobody's "picking on" anyone, they're just expressing their opinions. It's not like we've been generalising and scapegoating an entire group of people *cough* immigrants *cough*

You have to face facts, housing demand is up, we have more people here than ever recorded in history, jobs are in decline, we have many cultures all with different views on the world, relationships and marriage etc and you think you can deny it?

Wake up, you live in the real world.

Yes I have referred to immigration but that is not racist yet this is how you are reacting.

BunnieJ wrote: »

As I said, SOME of TW's comments were most helpful in putting across a male persepctive. However, imho, I thought the rest of this post wasn't needed (and it appears quite a few people agreed with me).

You thought that because you didn't want to acknowledge it. I wonder how many times you choose not to accept your partners POV too?

BunnieJ wrote: »

Again, I stated that I didn't want a big white wedding either. Just something small and simple. The main reason for me wanting to get married is to be husband and wife. Not all women are that shallow or materialistic.

Yet you want to get married to be husband and wife? - You do realise those are just words and a bit of paper don't you? - Not shallow?

BunnieJ wrote: »

I don't have an issue with being single. I've been single for a couple of years in the past without being desparate to find a boyfriend.

Well done you! What a tool!

BunnieJ wrote: »

On the other hand, my dad often says he regrets not marrying my mum sooner (they were together for about 7 years before they got engaged).

Views change over time. Do you not see that? Your dad may well say that now he has a family and many happy memories but as a younger man without kids his thinking may have been completely different hence he didn't marry quickly.

BunnieJ wrote: »

Telling us about all of the times he could have cheated on his OH but didn't was not helpful at all. It didn't express an opinion, he just made himself sound a bit of a twit.

But it did make quite clear that I had not been stringing her along while looking for something better - something many women here commented that their ex's have done in the past. I felt I should clear up that we're not all like that however I wish I hadn't bothered - I should have just posted something like "sounds like he's either cheating or wanting to". Afterall you're clearly anti-loyalty.

BunnieJ wrote: »

That's what people had a problem with.

Because many MSE'rs like to pick a fight - this entire forum is full of people attacking other people. I said something that if you took the time to read and understand properly was actually a positive thing - I've had the chance to stray but thought more of my missus. Many of us blokes are like this yet we get unwanted hassle, accused of affairs etc (and yes, I've been accused multiple times).

BunnieJ wrote: »

I do have to question why it's ok for people to have a go at my OH - telling me I should leave him as he clearly doesn't care about me, or that he must be an awful bf to have etc - yet they get offended when we express similar views of TW.

Probably because I gave you an honest upfront opinion and you decided to accuse me of all sorts of heinous acts and going off on a long rant before I disproved it. I never suggested you get rid of your fella, i just tried to explain how we think and how daily pressures that women often don't understand, get to us.

quidsy wrote: »

You either know you want to spend your life with someone or you are just coasting for an easy life.

Talk about cake & eating it.

See this is the kind of thing I dislike. I've not married by woman yet and so that means I'm coasting it. Get real quidsy. I love my girl to bits but like many men, I've had a lot on my plate. Add to that the pressures that she has also put on me and yes it was a deterrent.

Person_one wrote: »

TW keeps going on about how he's providing a 'male opinion' but the only 'male opinion' that's likely to be of any more use than anybody else's is that of the OP's boyfriend.

Well thats exactly what I gave - a male opinion. I don't believe I ever stated that it was a cast iron fact that all men worked the same way - did I? As for the OPs opinion it seems that he isn't entirely forthcoming so I fail to understand your point.

Person_one wrote: »

Men don't all think and act the same way, they're individuals, there's no such thing as the male perspective and no one man speaks for the lot of them any more than you or I could speak for all women, or I could speak for all people in their twenties, or people from my background etc etc.

And I never claimed to be speaking for all men. You did say women get funny ideas that need correcting, well it seems you were right because many of them in this thread have drawn their own conclusions from my posts!

jaylee3 wrote: »

Agree with you again 'Person one.' When I showed my other half the comments from TW, he laughed. He also largely disagreed. To assume that all men think the same as he does is naive and a bit arrogant tbh.

Where did I state this? - I gave my own view and never suggested that ALL men were the same.

As for your other half laughing and disagreeing, good for him! I'll also bet he has probably had chances you were not aware of

I found out the other day that my missus gets men flirting with her frequently at work. First time she's ever told me that and I thought I knew her very well so it just goes to show - partners don't know everything about each other and everyone enjoys attention from the opposite sex.

Go on, go and have this conversation with your better half

jaylee3 wrote: »

Also, I agree about women settling for what their 'man' wants. I know a few who have done this. They don't get married, because HE doesn't want to, they don't have a child because HE doesn't want to, and they often sacrifice lifestyle choices and hobbies, and even their career, whereas men rarely sacrifice ANYthing.

On the contrary, I've sacrificed a lot for my missus to the point where it has really screwed up my life.

jaylee3 wrote: »

Feel free to call me sexist, man-basher, whatever you like. What I'm saying is true.

Man basher!

Oh and does your opinion cover ALL men - just like you assumed my post did?

I shall look forward to the barrage of hostility in the morning :cool: