Akward Situation...

Lovelyjoolz

Person_one wrote: »

Out of interest, why are you changing your surname?

I second the question.

I'm debating (or possibly ranting - this is a pet hate of mine :rotfl:) this on another thread at the moment. I really can't understand why people change their name!

quidsy

I really can't understand why people change their name!

You don't need to understand, either do or don't, that is your choice & changing is the choice of others.

CH27

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

I second the question.

I'm debating (or possibly ranting - this is a pet hate of mine :rotfl:) this on another thread at the moment. I really can't understand why people change their name!

Because they choose to
I wanted my future children to have the same surname as me & my husband.
Being Mrs YY doesn't make me more or less of a person than being Miss XX.

Lovelyjoolz

Yes, of course it's everyone's choice, but I've seen so many friends go through real agonies over reverting back to maiden names following divorce. And none of them could give a good reason why they changed it in the first place!

That and the fact that 80% of the rest of the world don't ever change their names. Why on earth are people so obsessed with it in the UK?

I just wondered what the rationale behind it is.

Lovelyjoolz

CH27 wrote: »

Being Mrs YY doesn't make me more or less of a person than being Miss XX.

I never said it makes you less of a person. Or more for that matter. You are who you are, no name change affects that, so why bother at all?

I don't understand the obsession for mum, dad and kids to all have the same name. As I said, 80% of the world don't.

quidsy

As I said, 80% of the world don't.

Really? I am married to a non UK national & everyone in his country change if legally married. 3 of my besties are from different non english speaking countries & they all do. What countries don't?

But anyway, culturally we (UK) have always done this, it is not required by law to do so but any women choose to do it, they do not see it as much of an issue as you do.

I personally dislike seeing kids with different names to their mothers or fathers, for right or wrong it makes me think "chav". I also immensly dislike the word "partner" urgh, no he is either your boyfriend or husband, no need to make up another word for it.

My mum was the same & even after divorce & to this day (30+) years later, kept my fathers name even though me & sister took married names, sister then changed hers back after divorce, not a major issue, quite straightforward & her daughter has taken our maiden name now she is old enough, again, simple form filled in & small fee, purely because her dads surname is ugly.

But it really is just a personal choice, a name is not a feminist issue

heartbreak_star

I've always said if I married I wouldn't change my name - my surname is part of my identity.

I've always (and this is my own opinion!) felt like changing my name would feel like I had become a possession of my husband's - please don't flame me, it's only an opinion! My surname was created as my mum and dad didn't want to just have his name, so they double-barrelled both, and they're both reasonably unusual names in their own right.

HBS x

Person_one

CH27 wrote: »

Because they choose to
I wanted my future children to have the same surname as me & my husband.
Being Mrs YY doesn't make me more or less of a person than being Miss XX.

Why is it almost always the woman though? Would a man be any less of a person if he changed his name?

quidsy

Why is it almost always the woman though? Would a man be any less of a person if he changed his name?

Its called tradition. Many are born of earlier less enlightened times but the culture & tradition of this country means that it is the women who changes her name. A man can & some do, change to their wives or they double barrel but again, it has historically been the women.

You are free to not change but many want to follow this culture & tradition.

For me it was about being part of a "tribe". We send the message, we are "The xxxxx family" we are a tribe & we belong together, mess with one you mess with all.

Agree, disagree, irrelevant. This is a personal choice, one you do not want but one which many many women chose.

Person_one

I think its more than a personal choice actually. I think that any situation that runs so definitively along gender lines is something we should all be aware of and questioning. Tradition is a terrible reason on its own to keep doing anything, there has to be more.