Akward Situation...

TrickyWicky

lostinrates wrote: »

Maybe you should suggest it to yours?

What? That she take my name? I'm suggesting nothing to her. She can do whatever SHE wants to do. I put no demands on my partner with things like that, I prefer to let her live her life the way she wants and that has worked well for us for may years. Shame it doesn't work in reverse as she loves making decisions for me lol.

Soleil_lune

lostinrates wrote: »

Maybe you should suggest it to yours? I think p1's point is 'good people doing nothing' is as bad.

Its not my pov on this issue, but it is in my opinion a valid one. Tbh, had DH been called mr farter, or found in dubious places I might not have been so keen on taking his name. My family name held little personal affection for me and his isn't frightful, and we did want the same name. Tbh, the costs and hassle of changing paperwork for two of us rather than one are mildly off putting but not totally so. I just...wasn't that fussed.

DH was also in the process of applications, and it would have been slightly odd to apply for a job as mr rates and then go to an interview as mr exchange rates. . An unnecessary personally sideline to the interview really.


Edit: I just realised, I thought of another man who took his wifes name. A former boss of dh's. Interesting that one.

:rotfl: Mr Farter. Especially bad if you first name happened to be stale or cheesy.

What do you mean about if his name was found in dubious places? Like where???

Hmmmm I see what you mean about top professionals/famous people: actors and authors etc,wanting to keep their name, but quite a few woman like this do change to their husband's name. Even so, many people I know who have wanted to not lose their name, aren't big professionals or famous etc etc...

quidsy

There is nothing to stop you changing your name but using maiden name professionally. I've done so for 11 years & have changed jobs 5 times without issue. A copy of passport & wedding certificate suffices at registration/induction.

TrickyWicky

quidsy wrote: »

tells me everything I need to know, good luck with your girlfriend, although she needs it more imo.

Well lets face it, I've done nothing but provide my view and so far I've been accused of speaking for all men, being a tool because I stayed loyal instead of being a lad and putting it around, being condescending and much much more. Notably by women (or at least users with feminine names).

If you have an issue with me picking up on that then it remains that - your issue, not mine.

quidsy wrote: »

I've never said that. I said that after multiple years you either know they are the person for you or you are wasting their time, coasting till something or someone better comes along.

No you're right, you said that I clearly didn't hold the same view of her.

My partner has always been the right one for me. If you look back at my first reply to this thread I clearly stated that I had thought about asking her in our first year however various issues came about which caused me to take more time thinking it over. My partner has done some pretty destructive things to my life, most blokes would have run by now but I'm still here trying to make the best of it because I don't want to loose her.

lostinrates

TrickyWicky wrote: »

What? That she take my name? I'm suggesting nothing to her. She can do whatever SHE wants to do. I put no demands on my partner with things like that, I prefer to let her live her life the way she wants and that has worked well for us for may years. Shame it doesn't work in reverse as she loves making decisions for me lol.

Suggesting is NOT making demands of anyone. Its saying'have you ever considered we could xxxx? What do you think?' And having a conversation about it.'

Communicating means no one is having to guess what the other might feel about something and each can bring new ideas to the table.

Soleil_lune

quidsy wrote: »

There is nothing to stop you changing your name but using maiden name professionally. I've done so for 11 years & have changed jobs 5 times without issue. A copy of passport & wedding certificate suffices at registration/induction.

Yes, quite a few women do that don't they?

quidsy

and to clarify, if neither is bothered about matrimony, that is a different thing, I know a few women who have never wanted to marry but they are in ltr with men of the same mindset. None of them have kids either which is interesting too. But when it is important to one then as proven by this thread, it creates contention in the relationship. Sometimes it is better to find someone who wants the same things in life as you or be on your own, rather than just settle or deal with aggro over the issue all the time.

TrickyWicky

lostinrates wrote: »

Suggesting is NOT making demands of anyone. Its saying'have you ever considered we could xxxx? What do you think?' And having a conversation about it.'

Well when we've already had this discussion in our history and agreed that she will decide what she wants to do nearer the time, why would I want to suggest that she thinks about taking my name?

I'm not going to go making suggestions to her because someone on a forum told me to. Get a grip people.

lostinrates

quidsy wrote: »

There is nothing to stop you changing your name but using maiden name professionally. I've done so for 11 years & have changed jobs 5 times without issue. A copy of passport & wedding certificate suffices at registration/induction.

I don't work now but still have maiden name acc and very small drizzle of income to maiden name acc. But use married name.


( edit I actually think my situation is more of a black hole, I pay nothing out , so its hard for me to prove I exist with a bill or something like that. I have a copy of marriage cert, which shows everything I am known by, and a collection of things in different names. Sounds dodgy, and something we keep meaning to rectify incase DH has an accident, as I would potentially be in short term difficulty)


My mil was just 'lirs mil' though was often called mrs rates out side of her professional and social sphere and didn't correct it I understand. My step mil very much corrects it. Each argument has validity.

In my family we have a confusing situation where we are multicultural, multi lingual and multi parental on both sides ( both DH and I were brought up in stable parental families, but dh's mother died, and his father remarried in dh's adult hood and I had a sibling for a previous marriage). An each to their own attitude really is the only way to go unless one likes being very frustrated by the opinions of others. . I like we can choose.

lostinrates

TrickyWicky wrote: »

What? That she take my name? I'm suggesting nothing to her. She can do whatever SHE wants to do. I put no demands on my partner with things like that, I prefer to let her live her life the way she wants and that has worked well for us for may years. Shame it doesn't work in reverse as she loves making decisions for me lol.

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Well when we've already had this discussion in our history and agreed that she will decide what she wants to do nearer the time, why would I want to suggest that she thinks about taking my name?

I'm not going to go making suggestions to her because someone on a forum told me to. Get a grip people.

You vacillate, as we are not privy to your back history we can only go by what you tell us hence my comment.

Anyway, hope you feel better soon.