Akward Situation...

Person_one

lostinrates wrote: »

Could be that women feel the likely hood of having to change for a 'non vanity reason' is high so they can do it with society approval....

Possibly, but I think its more likely that they use 'I don't like my name anyway' as a justification for their decision. After all, its not the case that men tend to have better surnames! The brothers of some of these women with awful names will probably marry women who then take those names!

Very few women say 'I kept my name because my husband's was really ugly'. A few do, but not as many as the other way around.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Possibly, but I think its more likely that they use 'I don't like my name anyway' as a justification for their decision. After all, its not the case that men tend to have better surnames! The brothers of some of these women with awful names will probably marry women who then take those names!

Very few women say 'I kept my name because my husband's was really ugly'. A few do, but not as many as the other way around.

No joke. If foundinrates was mr farter in stead of mr rates , I'd use maiden name. . Similarly had I been miss farter, I would have happily changed names. As a family of many names it wouldn't have bothered me.

As names were chosen not begotten my some divine force that some off ones slipped through is humorous.

Soleil_lune

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Are we living in the dark ages or what?! No, it's ok, it's 2014....just had to check, for a second I thought we'd jumped back a few decades....

By all means, have an opinion, after all, we're all entitled to one, but to have an opinion and not respect the opinion of others is quite frankly disgusting....to call someone silly for wanting to keep their own name is judgemental to the extreme.

It isn't a matter of not being 'arsed' to take someone's surname, it's an individual choice, and YOU should respect that.

You have TOTALLY misunderstood me!!!!!!!

I said it's silly to regard a woman as losing her identity or to think of her as less of a person if she takes her husband's name. I DIDN'T say that women who refuse to take their husband's names are silly.

I was answering the ridiculous - yes I said it this time: RIDICULOUS suggestion that women are somehow forced or bullied into taking their husband's name, (posts 164 and 174) ....and that is why I said *SHOCKER* some women WANT to take their husband's name!

Calm down woman! It's only the internet and I have different views to some other people. I do not understand why a woman refuses to take her man's surname, especially when she will happily let their CHILDREN have his name!

And why is taking your husband's name 'staying in the dark ages?' Some people do like traditional, old-fashioned views and ways. Much to the annoyance of some.

Here's a tip for future posting: read peoples posts properly before you rant and yell at them and call them and their views 'disgusting' and 'judgemental!'

Georgiegirl256

Soleil_lune wrote: »

You have TOTALLY misunderstood me!!!!!!!

I said it's silly to regard a woman as losing her identity or to think of her as less of a person if she takes her husband's name. I DIDN'T say that women who refuse to take their husband's names are silly.

I was answering the ridiculous - yes I said it this time: RIDICULOUS suggestion that women are somehow forced or bullied into taking their husband's name, (posts 164 and 174) ....and that is why I said *SHOCKER* some women WANT to take their husband's name!

Calm down woman! It's only the internet and I have different views to some other people. I do not understand why a woman refuses to take her man's surname, especially when she will happily let their CHILDREN have his name!

And how absurd to say taking your husband's name is 'staying in the dark ages' as your sarcastic post states. Some people do like traditional, old-fashioned views and ways. Much to the annoyance of some.

I think you are the one that needs to 'calm down woman'! I'm not the only one that had issues with your post.

I didn't say taking your husbands name was 'staying in the dark ages', I was referring to your post actually, and the way you couldn't understand why some people might, just might have different views to you, the way you worded it came across as quite abrasive and aggressive. I mean why on earth would someone want to get married? Certainly not to get a new name....erm, I think love might have something to do with it.

For what's it's worth, I did take my husbands name. I didn't do it because I felt bullied or forced into it, I did it because I wanted to. I was going to keep my maiden name at first, but changed my mind. But you know what? It was my choice and my choice alone. I unlike some, don't look down on those that don't choose to change their name to that of their husband.

jaylee3

Classic sign of someone losing the argument. 'Well other people agree with me.' and 'I'm not the only one who thinks this.'

Billie-S

quidsy wrote: »

Thats great for you. The op on the otherhand wants to get married. Her bf is pushing back. I have given her a likely scenario, one that many, many women find themselves in, I know several who severely regret putting in years in the hope the dream proposal/life would come and when it didn't found themselves back on the market, no wished for kids, not even a legitimation of a long relationship, a few ended up starting from scratch financially as house was in his name, didnt matter at the time cause they were going to be married eventually except it never happened, in most cases ex bf got a youngest model, married her and had the kids. True story.

A Forum is a place for people to offer opinions. I haven't stopped anyones opinion but I am able to say I disagree. Do you know how the internet works?

I am with you on this. I also don't understand why some women says I would rather stay with a certain man that they love and not be married, than be without him. Or they would rather be with a certain man that they love, who does not want a baby than be without him ... Why is it that his wishes over-ride hers?

Don't think I could stay with a man that refused to marry me. Especially if we had kids. Basically, what he is saying to his kids is that their mother is not worthy of marrying. IMO.

Brighton_belle

Billie-S wrote: »

Don't think I could stay with a man that refused to marry me. Especially if we had kids. Basically, what he is saying to his kids is that their mother is not worthy of marrying. IMO.

So you are seriously saying that you would have had kids without being married, but if he then said he loved you very much but marriage was not for him, you'd put your children through the trauma of splitting up your children's family life. I suggest if marriage is really important to you, above and beyond your children's needs for a stable family life, please don't have children before you are married.

Billie-S

Brighton_belle wrote: »

So you are seriously saying that you would have had kids without being married, but if he then said he loved you very much but marriage was not for him, you'd put your children through the trauma of splitting up your children's family life. I suggest if marriage is really important to you, above and beyond your children's needs for a stable family life, please don't have children before you are married.

I didn't. I got married and the had 2 children several years later.

I am just trying to make the point that it's unlikely that I would stay with a man who wouldn't marry me.

I was just speaking metaphorically, as I would never have had children before getting married.

But that's just me. I know people are different, and what suits one does not suit another. However, this thread is about a woman whose partner will not marry her is it not?

heartbreak_star

Soooo you would give up the love of your life if he didn't believe in marriage?

HBS x

Brighton_belle

I was responding to you saying you wouldn't stay with a man with whom you had had kids if he wouldn't then marry you. You are clearly never ever going to be in this situation though.
It's good you wouldn't put yourself in the position you were hypothesising about.