Akward Situation...

heartbreak_star

Person_one wrote: »

Its not a ceremony, its a powerful legal agreement.

Oh, I quite agree though I suspect several (but not all!) women who would leave a man because he wouldn't marry them would want a fair sized ceremony, not a quiet knot-tie. That's a super-generalisation though.

The same things can be done with wills and other legal documentation though, I'm pretty sure it doesn't have to be a marriage. Marriage would probably be easier though

HBS x

Person_one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Oh, I quite agree though I suspect several (but not all!) women who would leave a man because he wouldn't marry them would want a fair sized ceremony, not a quiet knot-tie. That's a super-generalisation though.

The same things can be done with wills and other legal documentation though, I'm pretty sure it doesn't have to be a marriage. Marriage would probably be easier though

HBS x

Have a look at the link I posted to earlier, there are some rights you can only get with marriage, such as exemption from inheritance tax for one.

Tink2

Never compare your relationship to others

I've been with my OH way longer than all my friends yet they are married/have houses/have kids

PenguinJim

The sooner the wedding, the sooner the divorce, you mean?

FBaby

I am with you on this. I also don't understand why some women says I would rather stay with a certain man that they love and not be married, than be without him. Or they would rather be with a certain man that they love, who does not want a baby than be without him ... Why is it that his wishes over-ride hers?

It's called compromise rather than one partner expected to go along with every wish of the other because otherwise, they stop loving them or wanting to be with them.

Can you really not love someone unless they want everything the same than you at the same time than you?

;QUOTE]Don't think I could stay with a man that refused to marry me. Especially if we had kids. Basically, what he is saying to his kids is that their mother is not worthy of marrying. IMO[/QUOTE]

Many women who think like you end up alone because they either dump their man because they can't wait longer, or get dump because they can't cope with the pressure.

He wouldn't 'be' the love of my life, if he didn't want to get married

No, your man wouldn't be the love of YOUR life if he hadn't wanted to marry you. My man would still have been the love of my life because my love for him is not measured by him agreeing to all my wishes.

FBaby

Its not a ceremony, its a powerful legal agreement

And that's exactly why some people don't want to marry, especially when this legal agreement has meant losing out financially in a previous marriage, especially when they were not the one who want to end it.

It's no surprise that it is more often the party who is not as financially secure who is keener to speed things up!

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

And that's exactly why some people don't want to marry, especially when this legal agreement has meant losing out financially in a previous marriage, especially when they were not the one who want to end it.

It's no surprise that it is more often the party who is not as financially secure who is keener to speed things up!

If they were the 'love of their life' though why would they be opposed to something that provides them with extra security and protection? Isn't part of marriage a statement that 'I love you enough now that I want you to be protected even if I stop loving you or do something to hurt you at some point in the future'?

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

No, your man wouldn't be the love of YOUR life if he hadn't wanted to marry you. My man would still have been the love of my life because my love for him is not measured by him agreeing to all my wishes.

Sounds like it might be measured by you agreeing to his though.

quidsy

A relationship is a compromise but why is the op expected to be the one to do all the compromising? She wants to get married her oh isn't sure & may never be sure, she is compromising already by taking a chance that at some point in the future he will want to marry. What does she do in 10 years time when/if he still isn't sure, should she still compromise her wants/needs to keep him?

By turn he also shouldn't marry if he isnt sure, I have never said anyone should, but then you have a stale mate. Who gives in (unhappily) or do they both move on & find someone who does meet their needs.

And love of their life, purleese! Most people make do with someone they like & the person they make do with becomes more important to them than anyone else becuase they have invested time, love & effort into the relationship.

There is no reason to say the op wont meet someone in the future who she loves just as much as current bf, meets the same needs her bf does now AND wants to marry her.

Ironically, my first proper bf who I thought was the "love of my life" at 18, wanted to be married after 6 months of dating, his whole family was putting on the pressure for us to do it (Yes, I was such a catch jk) but I wasn't ready & so I did the right thing, I broke up with him. It broke both our hearts but he went on to marry the next girl he met & last I heard 3 kids have come along & they are still together, I on the other hand went out in the world, travelled, experienced all the things I wanted to then met my husband at 26, was married at 29 & had out child at 32. Most importantly i was ready to be a wife & mother & not forced by the others expection to do it.

I've never once regretted that descion, I look back on our time fondly & he really was my "other half" in many ways but our timing was wrong & we wanted different things at different times.

Lily-Rose_3

quidsy wrote: »

A relationship is a compromise but why is the op expected to be the one to do all the compromising? She wants to get married her oh isn't sure & may never be sure, she is compromising already by taking a chance that at some point in the future he will want to marry. What does she do in 10 years time when/if he still isn't sure, should she still compromise her wants/needs to keep him?

There is no reason to say the op wont meet someone in the future who she loves just as much as current bf, meets the same needs her bf does now AND wants to marry her.

Ironically, my first proper bf who I thought was the "love of my life" at 18, wanted to be married after 6 months of dating, his whole family was putting on the pressure for us to do it (Yes, I was such a catch jk) but I wasn't ready & so I did the right thing, I broke up with him. It broke both our hearts but he went on to marry the next girl he met & last I heard 3 kids have come along & they are still together, I on the other hand went out in the world, travelled, experienced all the things I wanted to then met my husband at 26, was married at 29 & had out child at 32. Most importantly i was ready to be a wife & mother & not forced by the others expection to do it.

I've never once regretted that descion, I look back on our time fondly & he really was my "other half" in many ways but our timing was wrong & we wanted different things at different times.

That's a lovely post Quidsy. Especially the paragraph I have bolded.

I hope the OP will find peace and happiness, and that all her dreams come true. But yes if the man is not willing to get married after all their time together so far, (6 years or more?) then I am not sure that he ever will.

Thing is: question 1: is she prepared to give up her hopes and dreams of being married, to stay with this man? And question 2: why doesn't he want to get married?

These are very valid questions to ask - and answer.

I know it doesn't sit well with many women, but I believe that the vast majority of women do want to get married. Including most of the ones who claim they don't. I know a couple of women who were always against marriage and poo-pooed me and my husband's relationship, saying I was under the thumb and I was 'owned' by him. :rotfl: And that they would never be a man's possession.

Fast forward five or so years, and BOTH women got married within months of one another. One never said much, but the other did admit that she had wanted to be married for years, but her partner always said no. Then suddenly, on her 30th; he proposed.

Yeah sure there are the women who are happy to be single or never married, but I do genuinely believe that most women want that commitment from a man. In 'my' opinion, (and is is just my opinion,) it gives many women security and peace of mind, and it confirms that their man does love them. If my man was refusing to marry me, I would question if he loved me. As I said though, that is just me.