Akward Situation...

heartbreak_star

My OH isn't against marrying me, he just doesn't believe in marriage AFAIK. Wonder if Bunnie's OH is the same...

HBS x

Lily-Rose_3

Like I said heartbreak star: what I said is just my view. It's not necessarily true, it's just what I believe.

Carmina-Piranha_2

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

I second the question.

I'm debating (or possibly ranting - this is a pet hate of mine :rotfl:) this on another thread at the moment. I really can't understand why people change their name!

I wasn't going to. I already had a child with my surname. My husband said he'd take my name instead because he wanted our children to have the same name as both of us.

In the end though, his family were upset at the idea because the family name is dying out and my husband is the last of the line, so we decided I would take his name to save the upset. Silly really, because what if my husband had only had daughters? If they had changed their surnames upon their marriage (which is what his side of the family said was traditional and should happen) then my husband's family name would die anyhow!

But none of us really gave a monkeys what we were called. Except for my child, who said he was keeping his name and wouldn't be changing it. So we're a chavvy family with children of different surnames :rotfl: My inlaws have tried suggesting that he change his surname, but he said no. It's HIS.

quidsy

he just doesn't believe in marriage AFAIK

Has the subject never come up?

I also dont see how someone can not believing in a real, tangible, quantifiable age old insititution. It is a real thing.

I can understand if he means he doesn't beleive in tying himself legally to someone by marrying them, but it's not something I would be satisfied with. But if it works for you then alls well.

heartbreak_star

quidsy wrote: »

Has the subject never come up?

I also dont see how someone can not believing in a real, tangible, quantifiable age old insititution. It is a real thing.

I can understand if he means he doesn't beleive in tying himself legally to someone by marrying them, but it's not something I would be satisfied with. But if it works for you then alls well.

We've briefly discussed it, mostly on the subject of past relationships as we've both been long-term cohabiters before. It's not something he's ever seen himself doing. However, I disclaimer it because you never know, he might change his views

I'm satisfied by the depth of love he has for me - and also he will happily put me on the house deeds when my credit report is repaired, we don't want kids but have a dog, we share everything and look after each other.

If we were all the same the world would be boring *chuckles*

HBS x

Mojisola

heartbreak_star wrote: »

My OH isn't against marrying me, he just doesn't believe in marriage AFAIK.

quidsy wrote: »

I also dont see how someone can not believing in a real, tangible, quantifiable age old insititution. It is a real thing.

This^

I can understand people not wanting to get married but how can you not believe in it?

FBaby

Person_one wrote: »

Sounds like it might be measured by you agreeing to his though.

On which basis? The whole point about compromise is that one HAS to back down there is no alternative when it is a case of not being able to meet in the middle (you can't be a little bit married! ). However compromises should be looked over time with an expectation that all in all it comes to about 50%. So far I would say that it comes to about that ratio in my relationship.

PlymouthMaid

Thank you Georgie-Girl. I think saying I don't believe in marriage is just a shorthand way of really saying that it isn't something that i have ever wanted to do and it isn't because i have never been asked as I have (twice seriously).

I have lived with both of my serious long term partners (18 years and 7 years so far) in just as committed a way as if we were married. It just seems an irrelevance to me. Luckily for me one of my men didn't seem to mind although possibly was a tad affronted when i turned him down after he had already spoken to my Father (before he asked me) and my current partner feels the same as I do about marriage. I guess , in my case, if my loved one felt strongly about it i would suck it up and marry him as i dont care either way but somehow i dont seem to end up with men who have wildy different opinions to me. It is a problem if a couple cannot agrree on the M thing.

heartbreak_star

Mojisola wrote: »

This^

I can understand people not wanting to get married but how can you not believe in it?

Simply put - he doesn't believe it's necessary, obligatory, imperative or a requisite for a happy relationship.

Currently, he's right - we're really happy, a marriage at some point in the future would be lovely (and I went through a period of REALLY wanting it) but it would be the icing on what is an incredibly good cake.

HBS x

quidsy

That's fair enough. I suppose if someone is giving him everything a wife would without the need to offer legitimisation, security & legal rights, why would he think it necessary