12yr old & social media help

bess1234_2

I like ballet shoes advice. It hits the right balance. It is harder being a single parent and working all day, knowing you will come home to battle all night.

He is testing the boundaries and it will only get worse as he is older. I think the harder you are the easier it will be. It's over much quicker if he knows you mean it, and then it's sorted. Otherwise you have years of him thinking if he can get you to give in by keeping going, he will, and that is exhausting. Whereas if you set the rule, mean it ,and refuse to budge, and ignore it, he should settle quickly. If not then you can think of plan b, but a week or two after you stick to your guns .

fivetide

Remember, the stick will only go so far too. The carrot also works!

Perhaps time with phones etc is given in exchange for sitting down and doing his homework or clearing the table after dinner etc.

Basically, make it a reward for good behaviour and not just take it away.

DKLS

You are his parent not his friend, take the devices of him and/or switch off the router.

I was brought up by a single working mother, and I knew the boundaries very well and she would kick my butt when I crossed them but she was my mother and not my friend.

warehouse

DKLS wrote: »

You are his parent not his friend, take the devices of him and/or switch off the router.

I was brought up by a single working mother, and I knew the boundaries very well and she would kick my butt when I crossed them but she was my mother and not my friend.

This all day long. Stop making excuses, (I know you just want to be nice to your kids), and nip it in the bud. Your Son will respect you much more in the long run if you are absolutely clear on boundaries.

Caroline_a

It's far easier to give in to your kids, be nice to them and let them do what they want, even if you know it's not good for them. However, these boards are littered with parents (single and otherwise) who have done that and are now reaping the "rewards" and going through hell.

I was a single parent too. Being tougher now, will mean an easier life in the next few years.

Errata

Who is responsible for his care when you're out of the house from 6am to 6pm every work day? Why aren't you concerned about his lack of mobility and the effect of that on his general health? Why aren't you concerned abouit his apparent inability to have friendships that aren't electronic?
Why are you unable to put yuour foot down about his behaviour?

his_missus

My friend keeps all of the electronic gadget chargers in her room. She only charges her son's iphone and ipad at night so once the battery dies, it's his hard luck. It also means he can't use them after bedtime, which was the biggest issue she was having with him. He has to hand them in for them to be charged and he gets them back once he is all ready for school.
Her husband is a techy geek and has set something up which mean the son can only access the internet for a set amount of time per day or between specific hours but I don't know how that works, sorry.

MallyGirl

My 12 yr old DD does have her ipad in her room because she uses it as a Kindle. She turns off notifications when she switches off the lights to sleep - this is well before 9pm.
She does not have FB, Instagram or any of those because they require you to be 13 and I will not let her have them until that is true. She is counting the days till her next birthday.
Her phone stays downstairs in case friends (who mostly go to bed later than her) text and wake her up. She does not get anywhere near her 500 / month text limit.

Gigervamp

his_missus wrote: »

Her husband is a techy geek and has set something up which mean the son can only access the internet for a set amount of time per day or between specific hours but I don't know how that works, sorry.

This is what we did when my son was younger. It'll be in the router settings. Each device that's connected has its own ip address and you can block the ones that are pertinant and also set time limits.

That way, the adults can still access the net, but not the kids.

Amanda65

Be his parent! This is the thin end of the wedge as far as teenagers go and if you lose this battle it will be really hard to backtrack about other things when he's older (times he has to come home, alcohol etc.)

Sit down with your son and agree a time you think is reasonable for him to come off of the phone / tablet- say 9pm - and remove them from his possession. This will give him time to switch off his brain from electronic devices and get some much needed sleep. If you wanted to compromise you could make it a little later at weekends / holidays - but only if you decide that is right.

Your son will test you with all manner of things in the years to come and you need to set boundaries. Some of the most amazing parents I have known have been single working parents and it has worked because they have always parented rather than tried to be their child's friend - not easy but worth it!