12yr old & social media help

mutley74

Right its after 8pm I took his phone & tablet off him, he was well upset. I said every day its after 8pm and you don't hand them back with no permission for extension you lose them for the following day and so on. He started swearing at me "F***" and said don't come in the bathroom I am locking for "XXXXXX" with no phone this time. He is really irritated saying never called or spoke to anyone and never took his phone in the bathroom.

To be honest his is new water for me, I never seen him answer back so much. he has gone from being a cute kid 6mths ago to a angry rebellious boy.
Am I doing the right thing? When should hand them back after work at 7pm or leave them for him in the morning?

balletshoes

mutley74 wrote: »

Right its after 8pm I took his phone & tablet off him, he was well upset. I said every day its after 8pm and you don't hand them back with no permission for extension you lose them for the following day and so on. He started swearing at me "F***" and said don't come in the bathroom I am locking for "XXXXXX" with no phone this time. He is really irritated saying never called or spoke to anyone and never took his phone in the bathroom.

To be honest his is new water for me, I never seen him answer back so much. he has gone from being a cute kid 6mths ago to a angry rebellious boy.
Am I doing the right thing? When should hand them back after work at 7pm or leave them for him in the morning?

stay calm, and if he tows the line and doesn't have his phone or tablet tonight, then you leave them for him in the morning. However, if you get any more grief from him tonight about it, tell him calmly that if he carries on talking to you like that, he won't get his devices until you get home from work tomorrow - and the same 8pm curfew will still apply, as it will every evening except on weekends, when its 9pm.

You need to be consistent, and stay consistent, so he knows what those boundaries are, and the the consequences, every time, of breaking the rules.

mutley74

balletshoes wrote: »

stay calm, and if he tows the line and doesn't have his phone or tablet tonight, then you leave them for him in the morning. However, if you get any more grief from him tonight about it, tell him calmly that if he carries on talking to you like that, he won't get his devices until you get home from work tomorrow - and the same 8pm curfew will still apply, as it will every evening except on weekends, when its 9pm.

You need to be consistent, and stay consistent, so he knows what those boundaries are, and the the consequences, every time, of breaking the rules.

thanks
do u think I should contact his school? maybe ask a message to this girl on his class to stop calling & texting him constantly?

bizzybee

I wouldn't contact the school, I doubt they'd be interested any way.

You aren't going to win this battle of wills in a few days.

I had the same problem with my 15 year old daughter last year.

Router goes off at 9pm on school nights, 11pm at weekends.

Phone and ipad charged downstairs while she sulks and calls me all the names under the sun in her bedroom.

This went on for several weeks if not months but I wouldn't back down.........and still haven't even though she's now finished her GCSEs.

Now she's given up asking me to change the rules because she knows I won't.

It's hard, really hard at times, but persevere because your son will start pushing other boundaries soon enough so he needs to learn now that you are in charge.

thorsoak

mutley74 wrote: »

thanks
do u think I should contact his school? maybe ask a message to this girl on his class to stop calling & texting him constantly?

School is almost finished - only another week at the most - so I wouldn't involve them at this stage. As for asking the girl to stop calling - if you do that,you are giving her your telephone no - and she might just start trying to contact him on your phone, so no, don't contact her at the moment.

But you have to be consistent - whilst he is effing and jeffing - no phone or tablet - as someone said, lock them in the car, not in the house. Tell him - you don't have to like me - I'm your parent, not your friend!

balletshoes

mutley74 wrote: »

thanks
do u think I should contact his school? maybe ask a message to this girl on his class to stop calling & texting him constantly?

no i wouldn't contact the school - at age 12 there will be kids who have no access to the internet at all without supervision, there will be kids who have unrestricted access at all hours, and those like your son, who has access some of the time.

If he doesn't have his phone or tablet after 8pm, this girl can call and text all she likes - she won't get a reply .

mutley74

balletshoes wrote: »

no i wouldn't contact the school - at age 12 there will be kids who have no access to the internet at all without supervision, there will be kids who have unrestricted access at all hours, and those like your son, who has access some of the time.

If he doesn't have his phone or tablet after 8pm, this girl can call and text all she likes - she won't get a reply .

thanks everyone for the help. Driving home earlier today I was just thinking I will let him have his own way, it maybe the only way to get peace and just don't bother telling him off he is on it late or whatever.
now for the past 20mins, I hear a sound in the house not heard in over 12months...he is playing his guitar!:T

balletshoes

mutley74 wrote: »

thanks everyone for the help. Driving home earlier today I was just thinking I will let him have his own way, it maybe the only way to get peace and just don't bother telling him off he is on it late or whatever.
now for the past 20mins, I hear a sound in the house not heard in over 12months...he is playing his guitar!:T

high-school age kids have the potential to drive you completely round the twist - I'm glad he's found something constructive to do.

mutley74

balletshoes wrote: »

high-school age kids have the potential to drive you completely round the twist - I'm glad he's found something constructive to do.

I was wound up all day at work about this issue, thinking why did I even bother confronting him about this last night.
If he was your kid would you give his phone back in the morning, considering how much he swore at the same time?

ViolaLass

mutley74 wrote: »

thanks everyone for the help. Driving home earlier today I was just thinking I will let him have his own way, it maybe the only way to get peace and just don't bother telling him off he is on it late or whatever...

I know this isn't what you chose to do in the end but why would you do this? You must stand up to your son, he's only 12 and it's your job - it won't get easier if you don't start now.