12yr old & social media help

WelshDragoness

Hi, I am also a single parent with a 12 year old daughter (year 7), and another daughter 16, my youngest is in bed between 9-9.30, I take her phone and tablet off her at this time, she does not have them in her room, I then turn the router off at about 10.30 so the eldest is not on the tablet all night. I agree with the other posters, you need to put in some clear rules and quickly before it gets out of hand, I loathe the fact that my girls disappear every night upstairs now, I work full time too, but if you don't enforce the rules a bit more often, your conversations with them just die off and there is very little face to face contact at all. My youngest does not have FB but they can still use instagram etc. It's hard especially when they tell you everyone elses parents let them on their tablets etc for as long as they want, but sometimes you just have to man up and try to get the home life style you want, they also need their sleep

Bella73

To be honest if he can't be trusted then take them off him. Explain calmly why, no it's not up for discussion as you are friends you are his parent.

The fact you are single working parent is irrelevant.

You're off to the gym...fine, take the tablet/phone with you...he then cannot use it. Whenever used without permission, remove it, he will soon catch on.

Turn off the internet, if you don't know how, get someone round to help you. At whatever time you deem acceptable he has to surrender his phone and tablet and you keep it in your room, not sure where you work but if necessary take them to work with you if needed.

Janepig

mutley74 wrote: »

Thanks for quick replies!!
I did tell him yesterday phone & tablet to be off and left downstairs. So what does he do today...on the phone with the same girl at 9.10pm...then I tell him off. 10 mins later he is chatting to her whilst doing his teeth..hmm. His excuse she needs help with geography homework.
a friend with 3 kids tells me to be stricter too. I am trying to be but im a single parent working full time out of the house at 6am back 6pm each day, then odd evening im the gym. If I tell him off he just rebels and starts getting really cheeky with me. Thus lost and decided to ask my nice MSE pals for some wisdom

The single parent thing is a bit of a red herring here, don't let that get in the way of you laying down the rules. In fact it may make it easier as it's only your rules/point of view you have to get across, you haven't got you allowing one thing and your partner allowing another.

My DD is 11, she has a mobile phone and an ipod touch. She does not and will not take them to bed, no questions asked. My house, my rules. You're doing your DS no favours by letting him walk all over you. I'm quite surprised you asked in your first post "am I being too strict" when you're not being strict in any way shape or form. He's doing what he likes. If he won't listen then I think I'd be turning the router off and cancelling his phone contract.

Jx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Change the router password. Leave it a week and he will learn that the world doesn't end and his head doesn't fall off.

Janepig

Bella73 wrote: »

To be honest if he can't be trusted then take them off him. Explain calmly why, no it's not up for discussion as you are friends you are his parent.

The fact you are single working parent is irrelevant.

You're off to the gym...fine, take the tablet/phone with you...he then cannot use it. Whenever used without permission, remove it, he will soon catch on.

Turn off the internet, if you don't know how, get someone round to help you. At whatever time you deem acceptable he has to surrender his phone and tablet and you keep it in your room, not sure where you work but if necessary take them to work with you if needed.

I know someone whose son spent too much time on his xbox. So she took the controller to work!

Jx

marisco_2

mutley74 wrote: »

If I tell him off he just rebels and starts getting really cheeky with me.

At 12, your son is still very much a child. However at secondary school he is now mixing and socialising in a much more adult environment, than he would have experienced just a few months ago at a primary school. Through the curriculum alone he will be learning all about interacting on social media. It is natural for a bright and inquisitive kid to want to use this knowledge and communicate with people.

Though there are many kids his age that have access to this technology, many don't. Make it clear to him that if he is to continue enjoying these facilities, then he has to agree reasonable terms with you over his use of them. Explain that you think he is old enough now to take personal responsibility for a) staying safe online and b) not allowing other areas of his life to be negatively affected due to overtiredness. A bit of reverse psychology if you like, making him think that he has to take a grown up approach to all this. Rather than him feeling like a restricted child and rebelling as such.

That said however if he refuses to be reasoned with and continues to throw a load of cheek your way, or doesn't hold up his end of the bargain, then treat him like the kid he will behaving as and confiscate the lot

System

I think I was lucky that when I was younger we only had dial up internet so I couldn't be on it all the time, and our usage was capped so I was allowed to be on an hour a night, 2 at weekends. I did have a mobile phone but it was a payg brick and once my credit was gone that was it.

I can't imagine how much harder it is to parent now that technology has moved on and we're constantly connected.

ouchy2012

mutley74 wrote: »

he used 1200 texts in a month

to be fair although that sounds an awful lot it is nothing unusual for a teenager, when i first had my mobile as a teenager id send around 50 a day so pretty normal id say.

As for spending all his time social networking its up to you to put a stop to it an hour a day is plenty. I would not allow my 12 year old to use any device in the bath especially anything involving video/photos as never know what they may be showing. :eek:

he may rebel and get cheeky but hes 12 and you need to be strict you are the parent you set the rules if you dont put your foot down now it will only get worse.

PeacefulWaters

Who do you want to be in charge here? You or him?

If it's you, stop being the washy washy single Mum and take control. Many excellent suggestions above.

If it's him, carry on as normal. But it will get worse in other ways.

Seanymph

what an excuse! I don't have a man here to parent, so I'm no good at it and it's ok for my child to be undisciplined.

As for working, well it's admirable - but your child and raising him must come first, you cannot just give up on parenting because you are too busy.

This isn't ok - you know it isn't ok - so address it.

If I caught electronics of ANY description in bedrooms they lost it, first time for 24 hours, second time for 48 third time for a week.

No tv's, no telephones, no computers.

They weren't allowed computers with webcams.

The router went off at 9.30pm and back on at 6am.

Once they left school restrictions were lifted and they were trusted. But before then, and until they had completed GCSE's then they were the rules.

Your son is going to need you to step up - if you are handing off responsiblity for this then you are in for a rough five years. He cannot be 'cheeky' now, it isn't cheeky at 12 and it certainly isn't at 16!