12yr old & social media help

moomoomama27

Firstly I'm not going to chastise you like some have, Patenting is very hard, I had a very rough ride parenting my teen. When she was 14/15 the result of my inconsistency and fear of not causing waves hit us as a family full force! She rebelled by engaging in very inappropriate behaviours, stealing, truanting and being violent which resulted in a temporary exclusion. I totally blame myself, my inability to parent her properly started when my mum was diagnosed with cancer, I was so focused on doing the household basics, splitting myself between work and my other children/husband, while caring for a. Rey sick mum, that I let a lot of things slide.

I recognised we as a family needed help and I contacted the school who were useless, it was a referral to camhs via my GP that really got the ball rolling, through regular meetings with camhs, and forcing the school to intervene which led to counselling for DD, and a bipolar diagnosis through that,which perhaps contributed to some behaviour, as well as parenting strategy meetings that I sought and paid for, we came up with a good balance.

I learnt
it is important to set boundaries, make them clear.
Be consistent with consequences, don't give in for a peaceful life
Communicate, if it fails seek help. This can be through interventions with other family members, or respite.
Devise house rules for everyone, both on a practical and emotional level.

Catch behaviours early, dont let it get out of hand, put support in place if needed.

It's hard to regain the balance, but with perseverance can be rectified, just be prepared to live a bit of a roller coaster and perhaps be open to outside help if needed.

mutley74

Thanks everyone for advice and support.
past few days he has left his phone even before the 8pm curfew although uses his tablet until then. I note he started to use his guitar twice in 2 days!!!!! He is stroppy but cant believe he is following orders!
Guess good things wont last.....and he may test me come the weekend

meritaten

sorry read back a page I missed and had to delete post! said before!

mutley74

I read some texts on his phone and see he has been sending a girl many texts with the F*** word in...I confront him and he saying he is a"angry" with her then said his friend took his phone and sent them. I said okay I will speak to you friends parents about this as such texts are harassment, although the girl has not said anything back nasty at all. He then shouts at me when I said you are refrained from contacting this girl further! Phone curfew gets stronger now

Errata

A curfew won't stop him effing and jeffing at people in txts.

mutley74

Errata wrote: »

A curfew won't stop him effing and jeffing at people in txts.

what would you do? I trying all sorts of things some have worked some not. any tips most welcome

Errata

mutley74 wrote: »

what would you do? I trying all sorts of things some have worked some not. any tips most welcome

Sit him down, tell him all the things he does that you neither like nor approve of, ask him to put himself in your shoes and tell you what HE would do about it if he were you.
And if he kicked off or swore at me I'd rearrange his backside with a frying pan.

mutley74

Errata wrote: »

Sit him down, tell him all the things he does that you neither like nor approve of, ask him to put himself in your shoes and tell you what HE would do about it if he were you.
And if he kicked off or swore at me I'd rearrange his backside with a frying pan.

I gave him a chance to explain, he thinks its nothing wrong. I said this is not the reason I supplied him with a phone. told him to send a message of apology to the girl. I then said I have right to check his phone, he said I don't have right and changed his security code. I told him if code not changed back I will cancel contract online now.
now he is shouting out really bad at me..trying to ignore him by being online etc

Caroline_a

Hi Muttley you sound at the end of your tether. I would remove the phone now. He is being disrespectful all round. Let him shout and rant and tell him the phone is now gone. You have warned him now it's time to show him who is in charge.

z.n

Oh dear! Do hope you manage to hold your ground. I would take the phone away for a week at least. Never mind the block-take the battery out or something. I confiscated the playstation when my DS was a similar age- and I confess I never did give it back. Waste of money but there we go. If things were really bad I am likely to throw the thing away- that playstation stands me in good stead now the kids are older-they know my bite can be just as bad as my bark!

Kids do swear at each other an awful lot- I try not eavesdrop too much-so long as it is not in my face I let it slide. They know not to do it in front of family/public and heaven help them if they swear in front of someone younger. I do think there is a difference between spoken face to face and written down though.

Sending you lots of support. I think you must if you can stand your ground- it sounds like he does not respect you as much as he could and you need to regain some parental territory. Good luck. You are not the only one struggling-they seem designed to drive you insane and incandescent with frustration.