12yr old & social media help

thorsoak

We're this 12 year old mine, he would no longer have a phone! And, if he confined to behave like a two year old with tantrums then one by one all his electronic whizzbangs would be removed until his possessions resembled those of a two year old.

His behaviour is completely unacceptable and he needs to realise this. Not easy I know but you have to be consistent. Lock the lot in your car if you have to .

z.n

OP. Hope things are better for you today. Thinking of a friend who left it until DS was nearly 14 before trying to impose discipline it really is easier to do it earlier than later. She is a single mum too and a lot of the problem was DS general unhappiness at Dad which he took out on Mum. Over time things have improved dramatically but the early days (13-15) were absolutely horrid. He is now back to being the better person he was on track to be though.

HPoirot

Errata wrote: »

Sit him down, tell him all the things he does that you neither like nor approve of, ask him to put himself in your shoes and tell you what HE would do about it if he were you.
And if he kicked off or swore at me I'd rearrange his backside with a frying pan.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: I'm tempted to try this one out just to find out! :rotfl:

duchy

He's 12- He has gone from primary school to high school and in a year from being a child to a young man - and those hormones are flying everywhere. At this age most push the boundaries but in addition the young man challenging the dominant male dynamic is coming into play at your home.

We love our kids - and we want them to love us -and up til now thats been quite easy - but most parents of teenagers will admit at times we don't like our cherbubs very much even though we will always love them

What are you doing with him for the school holidays ?
Is he going to be at home with your Mum for most of the time?
Does he go out and about with his mates ?
Is there anything locally you could sign him up for- perhaps at the local sports centre ?
Can you take time off to spend with him and do days out the two of you ?

You do need to be consistent. If you threaten a punishment- follow through. (so "I'm taking your mobile away for a month is maybe not a good one to threaten unless you really mean it )Show through words as well as actions that everything (good and bad-don't forget rewards too) have consequences.
Kids *do* swear between themselves at this age - yes it is vile but so long as they know where is and isn't appropriate to use the language it neededn't be a big point of confrontation. Pick your battles !

Make sure your Mum is on the same page too and that she isn't undermining any of your rules.

When things are good with him - praise - "It was nice hearing you play guitar tonight- I liked that tune/You really have improved" " I really enjoy your company when we go to football" "Thanks for washing up"

Stand firm when you have to - and remind yourself why you are doing it- so he turns into a nice adult who people will want to spend time with - not some spoilt mouthy git who can only see his own side of things.

And above all remember the old but so true mantra "This too will pass"

lulu_92

My cousin is going to secondary school in September. He has access to a laptop and tablet and has his own ipod touch.

My auntie will not let him download an app unless he shows her and she looks over it and approves. everything is linked to her apple account so she has no issues.

Carmina-Piranha_2

I don't know what kind of contract you have, but if it's too valuable to just throw away then what you could do is tell the company you lost the phone, and ask them to block the sim card. They might charge to send you another sim out - I paid around £10 for mine - for if you think he will earn it back in the future.

I have found with my teenagers that they need to know that I WILL switch off the internet, or whatever it is that I threaten. If they thought I wouldn't do it, they'd never do the washing up of their own accord.

Let him see that you will cancel his sim card once, and will do it again if needs be.

If he has an anger problem, ask school if they can help. When mine was turning 13 he was referred to CAMHS at school and they can help with counselling, anger management, etc.

This was started by the school because of an incident there, but they might still be able to help you even if he is behaving in school. His teacher helped us to draw up a contract for the behaviour I expected from him, and what rewards or sanctions there would be.

mutley74

duchy wrote: »

What are you doing with him for the school holidays ?
Is he going to be at home with your Mum for most of the time?
Does he go out and about with his mates ?
Is there anything locally you could sign him up for- perhaps at the local sports centre ?
Can you take time off to spend with him and do days out the two of you ?
"

I am working from home or taking Fridays off to spend time with him. By coincidence I am very busy at work as I have to cover a new fast track project, as I am self employed its an idea way to make money to cover quieter times.


I have 2 trips planned with him - one for 4 days at an activity centre; another for 6 days with friends at an activity centre too. plus said I can do daytrips with him


During the day all he does spend time with his friends in the park most of the day. I offered him to spend time with friends who go to sports camps but he refused, rest of time during weekdays he is with my mum. he has cut some better friends out as he think they are too quiet for him, now his other friends are too rowdy or "joker" type for my liking


His other parent does not want to see him for more than 1 night in the entire 6weeks!!

mutley74

I goto bed at 11pm last night, switch wifi off same time. wake up at 9am, and get downstairs it is "On". I quiz son even though he is sleeping..."oh yeah dad I need to check an urgent message in the night to make plans for Sunday"......
now password is changed, he had his warnings (not told him about this!!).
wont be long before he rushed down the stairs shouting what had happened!


Mobile operator said they can block his SIM card for a week if needed too.....

mutley74

just as I thought...not even 5 mins and he causes mayhem in the house, blaming his friends etc. He is now packed his bag and said he is going out all day even though I said no

Errata

mutley74 wrote: »

just as I thought...not even 5 mins and he causes mayhem in the house, blaming his friends etc. He is now packed his bag and said he is going out all day even though I said no

Does he ever do anything you ask him? All his behaviour towards you seems to have been embedded in him for a very long time. Even teenage boys rarely manage to do a complete volte face overnight.