12yr old & social media help

mutley74

I got a 12yr old son - year 7 - who is constantly on snap chat, oovoo and Instagram. a first I did not mind as long as home was done and he was getting results. Now he is on each morning before school, after school till close to bedtime 930pm.
On the weekends he is again on it all the time. I bought him a cheap mobile contract so he can keep in touch when away from home, and he used 1200 texts in a month - more than I use in a year!
Also a girl from his class keeps calling him; he tells me they just friends no more ( I don't object to a gf) but when she starts calling him at 1030pm its a bit out of order, then expects him to be on the phone for hours. He even takes his tablet in the bathroom just to keep up to date with video calling. He now started contact girls from other local he never met - till one of them became abusive to him with name calling. He told me that he blocked the girl but then was contacted by her friend - who he had to speak to.
I have had chats with him to keep his social media to just school friends only and only an hour or so per night - but he rebels with me and still does not listen.

I appreciate any help or advice, am I being too strict?
I am concerned that any bad remarks can easily get out of hand, he does not mean bad but some of his male friends he tells me like to play tricks on people too.
thanks

Al1x

Sounds like you aren't being strict enough. I would say you need firmer rules, turn phone off at night, only use the tablet in living room etc ( I don't know what having a 12 year old is like though as our daughter is only 6!)

1200 is a crazy amount of texts in a month! how much is the contract?

Buzzybee90

mutley74 wrote: »

I got a 12yr old son - year 7 - who is constantly on snap chat, oovoo and Instagram. a first I did not mind as long as home was done and he was getting results. Now he is on each morning before school, after school till close to bedtime 930pm.
On the weekends he is again on it all the time. I bought him a cheap mobile contract so he can keep in touch when away from home, and he used 1200 texts in a month - more than I use in a year!
Also a girl from his class keeps calling him; he tells me they just friends no more ( I don't object to a gf) but when she starts calling him at 1030pm its a bit out of order, then expects him to be on the phone for hours. He even takes his tablet in the bathroom just to keep up to date with video calling. He now started contact girls from other local he never met - till one of them became abusive to him with name calling. He told me that he blocked the girl but then was contacted by her friend - who he had to speak to.
I have had chats with him to keep his social media to just school friends only and only an hour or so per night - but he rebels with me and still does not listen.

I appreciate any help or advice, am I being too strict?
I am concerned that any bad remarks can easily get out of hand, he does not mean bad but some of his male friends he tells me like to play tricks on people too.
thanks

Just take if away? My parents took away my phone as a teen because I would text/ call my boyfriend at night and they turned off the router so I couldn't go on MSN, as I was getting tired at school. I was much older than your son but I soon learnt!

I was allowed 30 mins internet time though this was before the smart phones and tablets.

MrsC....tobe

My advice would be to take it all away from him if he can't listen to advice. Things will eventually spiral out of control if you don't nip it in the bud now. I have a 12 year old step son and frequently he is told that if he uses any form of technology after a certain time of night it will be removed. Cap,the phone contract (if it is contract) so it will stop working at a certain point, he will soon learn.

*max*

Well, a "chat with him" didn't work, so just take the phone/tablet off him. He's 12, he's a child. Lay down the law. Allowing him to be on social media at that age with zero supervision is asking for trouble (to put it midly) - and next time it might not be another 12 year old he talks to without you knowing. Seriously, time to be the adult here.

mutley74

Thanks for quick replies!!
I did tell him yesterday phone & tablet to be off and left downstairs. So what does he do today...on the phone with the same girl at 9.10pm...then I tell him off. 10 mins later he is chatting to her whilst doing his teeth..hmm. His excuse she needs help with geography homework.
a friend with 3 kids tells me to be stricter too. I am trying to be but im a single parent working full time out of the house at 6am back 6pm each day, then odd evening im the gym. If I tell him off he just rebels and starts getting really cheeky with me. Thus lost and decided to ask my nice MSE pals for some wisdom

mutley74

*max* wrote: »

Well, a "chat with him" didn't work, so just take the phone/tablet off him. He's 12, he's a child. Lay down the law. Allowing him to be on social media at that age with zero supervision is asking for trouble (to put it midly) - and next time it might not be another 12 year old he talks to without you knowing. Seriously, time to be the adult here.

I told him about the seriousness of SM. Even the recent story on sky news of a 14yr old girl who committed suicide after being cyberbullied.

balletshoes

it does sound like its getting a bit out of hand - as you've tried talking to him already and its gone in one ear and out the other, I'd now say its time to switch off the router and/or insist his phone and tablet are left downstairs when its his bedtime. Let him know thats the next step if he doesn't curb his usage - and it'll stop the 10.30pm phone conversations!

balletshoes

mutley74 wrote: »

Thanks for quick replies!!
I did tell him yesterday phone & tablet to be off and left downstairs. So what does he do today...on the phone with the same girl at 9.10pm...then I tell him off. 10 mins later he is chatting to her whilst doing his teeth..hmm. His excuse she needs help with geography homework.
a friend with 3 kids tells me to be stricter too. I am trying to be but im a single parent working full time out of the house at 6am back 6pm each day, then odd evening im the gym.
If I tell him off he just rebels and starts getting really cheeky with me.

Thus lost and decided to ask my nice MSE pals for some wisdom

he's testing the boundaries with you - you're his parent, so you need to tell him his cheek and attitude won't get him what he wants, it will only result in further sanctions.
Its amazing the change in some kids when they go to secondary school, you have to find a middle ground, pick your battles - but cheek and being on social media/the phone all waking hours are 2 battles you need to face head on at his age.

Yorkie1

I agree with the other posters.

There was research recently about the degree of tiredness shown by pupils at school during the school day, much of it attributed to using computers or phones beyond bedtime. There is also the issue that the brain is stimulated by the computer / phone screens (can't remember the technology) and so can cause disturbed sleep even once switched off. So it's a school health / performance issue as well as one where he's testing your boundaries.

Good luck!

Buzzybee90

Yorkie1 wrote: »

I agree with the other posters.

There was research recently about the degree of tiredness shown by pupils at school during the school day, much of it attributed to using computers or phones beyond bedtime. There is also the issue that the brain is stimulated by the computer / phone screens (can't remember the technology) and so can cause disturbed sleep even once switched off. So it's a school health / performance issue as well as one where he's testing your boundaries.

Good luck!

I know I was completely silly, my mum had a word with my boyfriend about it too - it wasn't every night but one night I stayed on the phone for 5 hours! I was young and in love, luckily now I'm older but still in love.

I don't think it had an effect on my schooling because I am always tired anyway but it certainly could for a 12 year old.