My Ex hubby & father to my child won't give me his new address

duchy

BigJockKnew wrote: »

That is correct, but as you said earlier;

You've lost me there............. a good parent is a good parent regardless of gender but a good parent doesn't try to play power games with the other parent regardless of marital status or gender surely ?

Spirit_2

Op , this is your 3rd thread since 8th May and it seems going through a new horrible change in life. However so is your OH, he has made a decision to leave but now needs to settle himself somewhere else.

In one of your threads you post that he wants to use the proceeds of selling the car to enable this, you want to argue the point . He has reacted by saying when he does get somewhere he will not give you the address. It all sounds like you both knowing how to wind each other up.

I think your OH is just being silly and once the dust settles on your separation, and he has somewhere to live he will be more sensible.

Mojisola

Given the OP's other thread -
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4966424
"My husband has decided that we should seperate. There are many things I am not aware of.. & what to do.

We owned a vehicle I am on the log book, so am legal owner. I was made redundant 3 years ago & paid a large chunk of the vehicle with my redundancy money.

He has taken the vehicle & has said that he will sell it in order to get money so he can rent/live.

I must add he walked out of our mortgaged house. He has agreed to pay towards the house & our daughter, but only a proportion. He has stated he won't give me money from sale as he will be continuing to pay for house. There are outstanding debts against our mortgage of £1400 where we had to take time of payments due to him being out of work. We also have a joint account that has a £1700 overdraft. He keeps saying to me if I had a heart if let him take the van to sell so he had money to live.. I really don't know what to do.. He also has an unpaid tax bill that he keeps threatening me with as his outstanding bill accrued whilst I wasn't earning a lot whilst we were a team!!He tells me he can make me pay half of it if I don't let him have money from sale of vehicle.. But if I do that I am left with overdraft & outstanding mortgage amount & he will take tax bill..

Can he say or do any of this?? My heads all confused & a mess as I want things to be smooth & not difficult between us as I still care for him..

I have suggested the vehicle gets sold & he take 2/3s of the money I have the rest. But he doesn't think I'm being fair!!"

Yes, he's playing games and trying to get her to agree to things before she really understands her and their daughter's rights and she needs to get legal advice.

Not giving an address is probably part of this but he is in the right in this instance and he doesn't have to tell her where he is living. If she tries to prevent contact because of this, she will be in the wrong and he will probably use this against her.

Billie-S

I am with the OP here and many of the posters. I wouldn't agree to my ex husband (if I had one) taking our children somewhere if he wouldn't tell me where it was. As many have said, it seems rather odd, and it suggests he is hiding something. It's nothing to do with control or mind games, it's a matter of peace of mind and security. How strange that he is so secretive about his new address. Never heard that one before, and I would question why.

Big_Tree

duchy wrote: »

You've lost me there............. a good parent is a good parent regardless of gender but a good parent doesn't try to play power games with the other parent regardless of marital status or gender surely ?

Easily done, apparently

duchy wrote: »

Then you were fortunate
If all child felt safe and secure when with their fathers many posts here wouldn't exist but sadly many children don't - they experience neglect, abuse or just plain old disinterest. The presence of a father isn't going to guarantee a father has the qualities you are assuming all fathers have and demonstrate to their children .............unfortunately
Anyone can be a Father.....to be a good Dad takes a bit more

Labouring the point about irresponsible Fathers (male)

BigJockKnew wrote: »

That is correct, but as you said earlier;

duchy wrote: »

the sex of the parent is immaterial. It's surely if it is the PWC or the NRP not the mother or father.

Just pointing out that, as you said, the sex of the parent is immaterial. Labouring the point of irresponsible Fathers specifically is an attempt to frame the argument a certain way.

FBaby

I expect we have here a father who feels like the world is falling apart around him, losing all what meant a lot to him, his job, his wife, his children, his self-esteem and control over his life.

I expect his saying he won't give his address is nothing more than a man in pain, in desperation trying to hold to the little control he can over his wife, inflicting a little bit of worry to make up for what he will see as her taking everything from him.

Surely if he doesn't have a place to stay for the time being, the issue is irrelevant? I think OP should let it go until her husband can accept the situation and get used to his new life and the control he has over it. Once things settle a bit, once he has calmed down a bit from the turmoil, he will probably be a bit more reasonable about it.

FBaby

Just noticed on the other thread that he is the one leaving OP after being caught/accused of cheating.

I still think his action is that of a man who is angry. Maybe there is more to it, but ultimately, it remains that waiting until he comes down will make it easier to get anything out of him.

honeybean

BigJockKnew wrote: »

No Axe to grind here, I have no children. I do have eyes though, and I can see the way that good fathers are treated in this country is appalling.

One day a father can be living with his child with all the responsibilities that entails, then, the next day he has to go to court for 'access', what a word to describe a father visiting his children, all because the relationship with the mother has broken down. The relationship with the child is as strong as ever, but, that doesn't seem to matter to you Morglin.

I am sorry but it also works the other way I get fed up with people saying poor old fathers. I am one of those women who get punished by their ex husbands by not being able to see their childen thro brainwashing of the kids , guess what my ex also moved with my children who I have fought thro solicitors and courts to see but to no avail and don't know where they are. I did not walk out on my children I was physically and emotionally abused and had to go for my own safety. There are lots of women in my situation but we suffer in silence most of the time,it just makes my blood boil for the poor old dads. Takes two to make a marriage it also takes two to destroy one...

arcon5

'Father of my child'

A sentence like that speaks volume - not your child, both of yours child.
So the 'father of our child' won't give the new address.


Anyway it all sounds a bit raw at the moment

duchy

I think you need help- not sure if it would be medical or with literacy .
Unlike yourself not everyone sees the world in terms of gender so I can only assume these comments about what a man hater I am are your usual response to any woman who dares to hold an apposing view to yourself.

Utterly bonkers !

Lets try one more time - a bad parent is a bad parent - That means both mothers and Fathers - likewise good parents. If someone dares to comment about poor parenting made by one man -it doesn't mean they are saying all men or you in particular are bad parents because you happen to have a penis ! Got it ? No I didn't think so.....never mind !!!

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Easily done, apparently



Labouring the point about irresponsible Fathers (male)







Just pointing out that, as you said, the sex of the parent is immaterial. Labouring the point of irresponsible Fathers specifically is an attempt to frame the argument a certain way.