My Ex hubby & father to my child won't give me his new address

Big_Tree

duchy wrote: »

Depends what they are "anxious" about.
You've missed the point however that it is the child that comes first and this situation is about removing them from a familiar environment to an unfamiliar environment. Just because Dad says a child will be happy,safe and settled at Dad's new place doesn't make it a given.

So an unfamiliar environment trumps a relationship with their father?

Have you always had such a disregard for the fathers role in bringing up a child?

I take it you never take your children holiday for fear of exposing them to an unfamiliar environment, or is an unfamiliar environment ok as long as the mother is there?

duchy

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Turn it around again....

If a mother didn't want to give the father the address, would she be viewed with equal suspicion?

Depends who was the NRP - the sex of the parent is immaterial. It's surely if it is the PWC or the NRP not the mother or father.

In domestic violence cases addresses are routinely withheld though (and it isn't always the man who is the perpetrator of course)

[Deleted User]

I can see this from both sides as my children's father will be soon moving out of his parents (after nearly 2 years) to purchase his own property.

I had never even contemplated that he wouldn't give out his new address, because like Jaylee, I would like to know where my children are when they are with him, and also because it will become their second home.

If he doesn't tell me, I guess there is nothing I could do about it, but I guess the children would indicate to me at some point where they go on a Friday night, from comments about what they have done etc.

As there isn't an abuse/domestic reason not to share the information, I would consider it unreasonable of him not to want to let me know.

But that is my situation which might be completely different to the OP's.

duchy

BigJockKnew wrote: »

So an unfamiliar environment trumps a relationship with their father?

Have you always had such a disregard for the fathers role in bringing up a child?

I take it you never take your children holiday for fear of exposing them to an unfamiliar environment, or is an unfamiliar environment ok as long as the mother is there?

My you do make a lot of assumptions don't you.
My son has travelled abroad both with me and with his father however the difference is my ex respects that it is commonsense that if they are away I know where they are staying. I've never had to ask.....he's told me as a matter of common sense and courtesy. Likewise if we were away -I do the same thing.
I'd hate for him to be at home knowing there had been a hotel fire or a plane crash and not know enough detail to know if his child is likely to be involved or not. Even when we didn't see eye to eye about iother things I wouldn't have dreamed of "punishing" him by not telling him.
Not exactly rocket science is it. (even if it doesn't fit your far fetched assumptions)

balletshoes

duchy wrote: »

My you do make a lot of assumptions don't you.
My son has travelled abroad both with me and with his father however the difference is my ex respects that it is commonsense that if they are away I know where they are staying. I've never had to ask.....he's told me as a matter of common sense and courtesy. Likewise if we were away -I do the same thing.
I'd hate for him to at home knowing there had been a hotel fire or a plane crash and not know enough detail to know if his child is likely to be involved or not.
Not exactly rocket science is it. (even if it doesn't fit your far fetched assumptions)

Thinking about this - I sometimes take my nieces with me on holiday/breaks away, sometimes thats abroad, without their parents. Their parents know the destination, and they know which airport we're flying from on which day etc. Apart from that, they don't know any other exact details - they've never asked. We all have each other's contact phone numbers, so in the event of any emergency either with me or with them, we can keep each other informed. They trust me to keep their children safe, and I take that responsibility seriously.

marisco_2

duchy wrote: »

Depends what they are "anxious" about.
You've missed the point however that it is the child that comes first and this situation is about removing them from a familiar environment to an unfamiliar environment. Just because Dad says a child will be happy,safe and settled at Dad's new place doesn't make it a given.

If it is truly the child that comes first, then they would settle and be at ease in both environments, if there wasn't a battle going on around them about this taking place. A dad is just as capable of making a child feel safe, happy and secure as their mum is. What undermines all that is if the little girl sees her mum displaying any signs of not being happy about her seeing her dad.

BitterAndTwisted

This particular father, given the threats and demands he has made according to the other thread, should not be allowed to have unsupervised access to his kids. He's a loon and a bully.

FatVonD

OP, in my opinion and in light of your other thread the most likely scenarios for him refusing to give you his address are:

1. He's using it as another tool to get you to part with the money for the car.

2. He won't tell you where he's living because he's shacked up with or intends to shack up with the woman he was texting.

3. A combination of the two.

I think number 2 is highly likely and the money he wants from you is either for them to set up house together somewhere or they are already living together and the money from the car will be spent on them living the high life together on your money while you're left in debt.

I'm not saying this to be hurtful but in the hope that you will open your eyes and not hand the money to him. Use your hurt and anger to protect your own position.

Regarding your daughter, if he's telling you he has no place to live then could he see her at your house and you go out? (By which I mean you really DO need to go out and not use the visits as an excuse to see him.)

FatVonD

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

This particular father, given the threats and demands he has made according to the other thread, should not be allowed to have unsupervised access to his kids. He's a loon and a bully.

I'm not sure about the bit in bold but totally agree with the rest.

Alchemilla

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Marsbar73 to police: My ex husband had our daughter to stay over the weekend and he hasn't returned her and he isn't answering his phone either!

Police: Well, not to worry. Where has he taken her to?

Marsbar73: I don't know, he wouldn't tell me!

Police: OK, where do you think we should start? Cornwall and make our way northwards to John O'Groats?

Exactly this.

What well intentioned father would refuse to provide contact details?