My Ex hubby & father to my child won't give me his new address

d123

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Marsbar73 to police: My ex husband had our daughter to stay over the weekend and he hasn't returned her and he isn't answering his phone either!

Police: Well, not to worry. Where has he taken her to?

Marsbar73: I don't know, he wouldn't tell me!

Police: OK, where do you think we should start? Cornwall and make our way northwards to John O'Groats?

Are you really that naive?

You do realise the police have access to DVLA records, council tax data and electoral roll (and a few other databases) so finding a person's address from name and DOB isn't that hard...

Mojisola

Personally, I would hate not having an address (despite knowing it's not very rational because he could the child to stay elsewhere) but, legally, he doesn't have to provide one.

If the mother refuses contact on the basis of not having an address, the court would find against her.

OP - If he's refusing because he knows it's going to wind you up, stop reacting to his games.

Big_Tree

marisco wrote: »

Ye gods, what a sweeping statement that is on the end of your post above.

I am a woman responding to you.

The guy in this scenario is not some silly man. He is the person the OP trusted enough to have a child with. We only have one side of this situation, and there may be very good reason why the man does not wish to disclose his address, which the OP has not made us privy to.

Yes as mums out first duty is to protect our children. Never more so than when they are suffering all manner of emotional turmoil when their parents part. To do anything that could risk a little girl, being left worried and upset about being in the middle of her parents disputes, and not knowing when she will see daddy again is not to have her best interests at heart nor to protect her.

If there were any real cause for concern over the dads ability to care for the child, then access would not be taking place whether an address was supplied or not. This seems not to be the case here. A child should never be used like a pawn in a game and such behaviour should not be encouraged.

Chapeau! One of the best posts I've seen on MSE...

duchy

Is it equally reasonable if the PWC moves house and refuses to give the NRP the address ? (not refuses access- just won't tell the (usually) father where the child is and does handover in a public area)

I realize in domestic violence situations this can happen but I'm talking more the "normal" situations where there isn't any sensible reason not to.

Any responsible father who can't understand why a mother wouldn't need to know where their child is staying probably is a bit of a silly man however in my book - that sort of pettiness is for teenagers not adult parents trying to wind each other up.

A lot depends on the age of the child and the parental skills of the parent (eg if they are reliable - don't have issues with drink/drugs etc) but certainly under 10 I'd want to know-especially if access visits are a new departure after a recent split.

balletshoes

duchy wrote: »

Is it equally reasonable if the PWC moves house and refuses to give the NRP the address ? (not refuses access- just won't tell the (usually) father where the child is and does handover in a public area)

is anyone saying its reasonable for either party to withhold their address?

thorsoak

Just take a look at the other posts by the OP: her OH says he cannot pay anything in maintenance because he has to find somewhere else to live; he says that she has to pay his tax bill because "she wasn't earning enough for him to pay it"; he is demanding that he sells the car that SHE paid for; has left her with mortgage arrears - and tells her that if she consults a solicitor then she will never see him again!

Of course these are the actions of a reasonable person ....I don't think!

OP - see a solicitor, to ascertain for yourself what you can and can't demand - and what he is allowed to do, and what is expected of him!

jaylee3

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Yes that's really good, use the daughter as a pawn. Doesn't matter that the daughter will want to see her father, that she loves and misses her father.

What a terrible piece of advise, to use your own child as some bargaining chip, pathetic really.

OP ignore Morglin. OP, don't play fast and loose with your daughters happiness, if your ex doesn't want to give you his address, he has that right. He is an adult and the father of your daughter, I'm sure when he was your husband you trusted him to care for and look after your daughter, to have your daughters best interests at heart. That shouldn't change because you and he no longer are no longer in love.

Completely 100% disagree with this!

There is no WAY I would let a child go to stay anywhere, yes, not even with her FATHER, if I didn't know the address of where the child was. Why does he not want the mother to know where he lives? Sounds dodgy to me. What has he got to hide?

I agree with Morglin, (post 2) do not let him take her if you do not know where she is! It's not using her as a 'pawn,' it's looking after her safety and welfare. What if she went missing, and the police said 'where was she last, when she was with her father?' What are they going to think when you say you DON'T KNOW?!

And how rude, asking the OP to IGNORE a poster's advice. Who made YOU forum police?!

oystercatcher

d123 wrote: »

Are you really that naive?

You do realise the police have access to DVLA records, council tax data and electoral roll (and a few other databases) so finding a person's address from name and DOB isn't that hard...

None of these will be up to date if the parents have recently seperated.

duchy

marisco wrote: »

Y
If there were any real cause for concern over the dads ability to care for the child, then access would not be taking place whether an address was supplied or not. This seems not to be the case here. A child should never be used like a pawn in a game and such behaviour should not be encouraged.

Unfortunately that isn't the case. A parent has to prove the other parent is unsuitable before access is removed -as access is based on the assumption that all parents are good parents until proved otherwise.
I've told the story about the NRP who took their child to Florida on holiday-was a recovering alcoholic -went on a bender the first night -got sectioned and refused to allow the child to be flown home -before . These things do happen and it's the kids who suffer. It's not about the rights of either parent it's about what is safest for the children - address sharing when there is no good reason not to seems a reasonable precaution.

pmlindyloo

This link seems to cover your position pretty well.

http://www.lawandparents.co.uk/do-i-have-right-know-where-children-are.html