My Ex hubby & father to my child won't give me his new address

marisco_2

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Chapeau! One of the best posts I've seen on MSE...

Merci beaucoup mon ami.

jackieblack

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Looking at this logically, the ex could give the ex any address he chooses but unless the OP then independently checks it out how will she know its the right address?

A relative of mine had this. She split with husband and she moved back to her parents (several hours away). She believed that he was still living in the marital home and so, when their child was with him, that they were in a familiar place, sleeping in their old bedroom. As they met half-way to 'hand over' child, she did not find out for several years that he had moved out soon thereafter and that was the reason why old home phone number was never answered (explanation at the time was that they were 'out').

Big_Tree

jaylee3 wrote: »

And how rude, asking the OP to IGNORE a poster's advice. Who made YOU forum police?!

Morglin wrote: »

Typical response from blokes with an axe to grind, and one to be ignored, I hope.

Lin

Yes, quite rude.....

duchy

balletshoes wrote: »

is anyone saying its reasonable for either party to withhold their address?

Yes ..................................

BigJockKnew wrote: »

if your ex doesn't want to give you his address, he has that right. He is an adult and the father of your daughter,.

Taking this in the context of the OP's other posts however it appears the father is using this as part of a larger picture however and I'd be advising her to take legal advice about the whole situation.

marisco_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

What if she went missing, and the police said 'where was she last, when she was with her father?' What are they going to think when you say you DON'T KNOW?!

Okay so now this man has gone from being someone who shouldn't be allowed to care for his child, simply because he prefers not to supply an address to his ex, to likely to be irresponsible, take his eyes off the child and for her to go missing on a weekend break!!!!

This is the modern world. As the mum is in contact with the dad and disagreeing about things with him, it is safe to assume she has landline or mobile contact numbers for him. She could simply supply those to pc plod if any emergencies occurred.

Big_Tree

jaylee3 wrote: »

Completely 100% disagree with this!

There is no WAY I would let a child go to stay anywhere, yes, not even with her FATHER, if I didn't know the address of where the child was. Why does he not want the mother to know where he lives? Sounds dodgy to me. What has he got to hide?

I agree with Morglin, (post 2) do not let him take her if you do not know where she is! It's not using her as a 'pawn,' it's looking after her safety and welfare. What if she went missing, and the police said 'where was she last, when she was with her father?' What are they going to think when you say you DON'T KNOW?!

And how rude, asking the OP to IGNORE a poster's advice. Who made YOU forum police?!

How would you feel if you were in the husbands position?

You didn't want the ex to know your address, maybe you feel anxious that he knows where you live, and he said to you;

'If you don't tell me where you live you're not going to see your child?'



Put yourself in that place for a few moments

jaylee3

BigJockKnew wrote: »

How would you feel if you were in the husbands position?

You didn't want the ex to know your address, maybe you feel anxious that he knows where you live, and he said to you;

'If you don't tell me where you live you're not going to see your child?'

Put yourself in that place for a few moments

OK I have........ If I were the parent who did not have custody, and I wanted to take our child to stay at my house, I would not be surprised if I was told NO, if I refused to give my address. Why would he not want to give the address? Sounds very suspicious to me.

jaylee3

marisco wrote: »

Okay so now this man has gone from being someone who shouldn't be allowed to care for his child, simply because he prefers not to supply an address to his ex, to likely to be irresponsible, take his eyes off the child and for her to go missing on a weekend break!!!!

This is the modern world. As the mum is in contact with the dad and disagreeing about things with him, it is safe to assume she has landline or mobile contact numbers for him. She could simply supply those to pc plod if any emergencies occurred.

Don't agree. I don't know what his reasons are for refusing to give the OP his new address, but I would be very wary about letting any child go off with ANYone, if I didn't know where they were. I can't believe anyone would think any different. How can anyone let their child go off not knowing where they are?

Moreover, from previous postings, this man sounds unreliable and f-e-c-k-less and a bit dodgy anyway. And just because she 'chose to have a child with him' some time ago, that doesn't necessarily mean she has to fully 100% trust him!

Big_Tree

jaylee3 wrote: »

OK I have........ If I were the parent who did not have custody, and I wanted to take our child to stay at my house, I would not be surprised if I was told NO, if I refused to give my address. Why would he not want to give the address? Sounds very suspicious to me.

Turn it around again....

If a mother didn't want to give the father the address, would she be viewed with equal suspicion?

duchy

BigJockKnew wrote: »

How would you feel if you were in the husbands position?

You didn't want the ex to know your address, maybe you feel anxious that he knows where you live, and he said to you;

'If you don't tell me where you live you're not going to see your child?'



Put yourself in that place for a few moments

Depends what they are "anxious" about.
You've missed the point however that it is the child that comes first and this situation is about removing them from a familiar environment to an unfamiliar environment. Just because Dad says a child will be happy,safe and settled at Dad's new place doesn't make it a given.