Girlfriend refusing to pay towards rent

BigAunty

Even if you take out the financial issues that plague the OP between him and his partner, the relationship appears to be doomed on a communication level anyway. Ignoring money, it seems they are pretty much in conflict and can't compromise and agree, have already split up before.

He's just bought one tiny issue to the thread - should she pay rent? But to me, there just seems to be a level of disrespect or mistrust between them.

OP - ignoring finance again - what are you getting out of the relationship? Fantastic company, great intimacy? Do you feel loved and admired? Do you look at her and think 'This is the woman I want to grow old with/be the mother of my children/isn't she beautiful?'.

Or are you just coasting along because the change that splitting up involves and the prospect of loneliness seems to be more hassle than a bit of daily suffering that you are more familiar with?

bouncydog1

duchy wrote: »

I suppose if a student isn't getting anything due to parental income the parents would be paying their child's rent if they didn't work part-time whilst studying regardless so whether they give it to a boyfriend or a landlord amounts to the same. I must admit I wouldn't want a teenage/early twenties daughter in a live in situation where she wasn't a contributing partner -but equally in such an unequal situation as him owning and earning and her a student I'd probably encourage her to live elsewhere so she gets the best of both worlds with the student lifestyle and her relationship.

You are quite correct in that we fund her because we live overseas so she is not entitled to any loans or grants and if we don't pay the fees and all her expenses she can't do her degree. We are very happy to pay and can afford to do so. We would also far rather she live in the lovely brand new apartment where we won't have the nightmare scenarios of student lets and landlords who think that poor maintenance etc is acceptable. we don't live like that at home and don't expect our daughter to do so either! Her boyfriend needs to take a lodger to help with the rent, so we are effectively paying for her to have the second bedroom, which means that she has somewhere quiet to study and own space - very important in a relationship IMO.

Everything they do is 50/50 in Sharing costs although as he is earning he is generous in treating her to meals out etc and trips away.

justme111

Not that straightforward an answer .. I think saying that her permanence in.his house results in more outgoings for him is a bit petty - 25% of council tax is a couple hundreeds pounds a year , increase in bills is not like doubling them and in any case op does not mention bills. If a man who I lived with wanted me to pay for increased bills I might seen it as petty and ungentlemanly. Mortgage he would have to pay whether she was there or not and with a lodger argument - it does not look like she is stopping him from getting a lodger ith 4 bed house . Him using redundancy pay to pay a lump sum off his mortgage tells me he is not that worried wehere next month money will come from , otherwise he would have hold onto it to be able to cover monthly payments. So him expecting her to pay him rent is wanting to benefit financially from having her there , ie treating her like a lodger. Not good.
On another hand I probably would have offered to pay half of bills anyway or seen it as fair to give him half of my rental income - after all her living at his means she can rent. I think it is one of those rare cases where there is no right and wrong , it would be just a matter of trust for both participants that they are not being taken for a mug and there is no trust unfortunately so yeah I think for her to move out and date you would be an answer. In practice she is likely to feel offended if she has to move out so its unlikely and you both probably will have to be more careful next time with partners and finances and moving in.

BitterAndTwisted

A person who owns (or at least pays a mortgage) on a house in Wimbledon would be well-advised to not accept a penny from the other partner which could later be considered as rent/a contribution towards their mortgage. As this would give them the opportunity to claim a part of the property's value later.

The girlfriend is obviously greedy and unreasonable but in her own way could unwittingly be doing the OP a favour.

I wouldn't want to share my very considerable equity with such a person.

Mojisola

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

A person who owns (or at least pays a mortgage) on a house in Wimbledon would be well-advised to not accept a penny from the other partner which could later be considered as rent/a contribution towards their mortgage. As this would give them the opportunity to claim a part of the property's value later.

The girlfriend is obviously greedy and unreasonable but in her own way could unwittingly be doing the OP a favour.

I wouldn't want to share my very considerable equity with such a person.

As she has her own property it would be much harder to her to argue that she was gaining beneficial rights to her BF's home by paying towards his mortgage although this is something to be aware of.

Like others have said, I think the relationship has more problems than whether she pays rent or not.

lollypopswater

Personally I wouldn't imaging living somewhere and not contributing.

Before I got married hubby and I lived together in his house and my smaller place was rented. Never would it have crossed my mind not to share everything 50/50. I was financially a bit shakey at that point although did earn a bit more than hubs. To be fair he was good at paying for other things like meals out etc.

When we got married we pooled our resources and pay bills, have joint savings and each get money to spend each month. When this started I earned more, now it's changed and he does and when I go on maternity later in the year I will be contributing significantly less but that's ok as we are a partnership.

For us both ways have worked but I do think being married makes a difference.

FBaby

Everything they do is 50/50 in Sharing costs although as he is earning he is generous in treating her to meals out etc and trips away.

So he is lucky that you can more than financially support your daughter. Clearly he seemed happy to treat her less with trips away yet support her so she could finish her studies. That does make your daughter less selfish than someone who might not have parents who can support them and for some time can't afford to contribute 50% and therefore might have to rely for some time on their partner.

What will happen if she becomes pregnant and can't contribute as much as she did before? Continue to pay for her because her partner shouldn't have to pay for her?

I suppose it all comes down to the stage by which one is in a partnership where you are expected to support each other. Governmental agency considers that it is once you are in a committed relationship living together and I would tend to agree with this. Unless you move as a lodger, you become a couple and therefore should support each other financially as much as emotionally when the need is there. It is ok to see things differently, but to make it work, both need to see it differently.

I was with my partner 3 years before we moved in together for that exact reason. I was prepared to either support him, or more realistically for him to support me before. The second I moved in though, it was clear with both of us that would something happened to the other, we would be there for each other in every way.

bouncydog1

In the event that my daughter did become pregnant we would offer whatever support was needed - whether that was financial to give them both a helping hand - or help with childcare so she could finish her studies.

She is the most unselfish girl you could meet and saves whatever she can from her holiday job and allowance to pay her way where she can.

it was our choice that she didn't work during term time to ensure she had the best chance of getting good results and that seems to have paid off.

System

During the last 9 months she has not paid anything in rent but has paid something towards food.

How much is she paying towards the food?

duchy

bouncydog1 wrote: »

You are quite correct in that we fund her because we live overseas so she is not entitled to any loans or grants and if we don't pay the fees and all her expenses she can't do her degree. We are very happy to pay and can afford to do so. We would also far rather she live in the lovely brand new apartment where we won't have the nightmare scenarios of student lets and landlords who think that poor maintenance etc is acceptable. we don't live like that at home and don't expect our daughter to do so either!

My concern would be that especially as you live abroad that if the relationship ran into difficulties or even just a bad patch she would be stuck living with him. As for student accommodation not being good enough for your daughter plenty of it is excellent -and living with other students teaches some good life lessons even if it isn't as posh as living with a boyfriend in a foreign country.