Girlfriend refusing to pay towards rent

getmore4less

davecon1 wrote: »

My head is really in a spin at the moment and I could do with some impartial advice.

Brief history: My gf and I split up a couple of years ago after 5 years together. At the time we were living in my house and she was paying £300pm for rent. My mortgage was £1500 a month.

Just before we split she had decided to buy a flat so she could own something. Prior to her exchange she stopped paying any rent for 3 months as she was using all her cash to fund her place. Shortly after she got the place we split up and she moved in.

Ding Dong wakey-wakey!

She had been planning to split for at least 3 months probably longer........



I would probably move to being just FWB.

Fill YOUR house with lodgers you need the money

If she moans about that Kick her out or let her leave if that's what she threatens.



Did she have other "special friends" during the split? perhaps they were not so accommodating.

FBaby

Maybe she had been planning the move because she had enough of waiting for some sign of commitment than just being the girlfriend good enough to pay rent?

Maybe she thought OP was prepared to take the next step up hence moving back in?

duchy

getmore4less wrote: »

Ding Dong wakey-wakey!

She had been planning to split for at least 3 months probably longer........



I would probably move to being just FWB.

Fill YOUR house with lodgers you need the money

If she moans about that Kick her out or let her leave if that's what she threatens.



Did she have other "special friends" during the split? perhaps they were not so accommodating.

One has to wonder why if after five years she felt the need to buy her own home rather than somewhere together -Most couples by that point wouldn't be buying seperate homes if they were already living together....but then again they wouldn't be charging each other "rent" either. I wonder if the OP has a somewhat "possessive" attitude to his house and as something entirely unconnected to their partnership ? If so I can see why her buying a place changed the "balance" and led to them splitting at that time.

bouncydog1

Dd is going to flat share with her boyfriend, who has a mortgage to pay. He doesn't want rent - we insist on paying it so she maintains independence whilst her studies continue.

Your girlfriend sounds like a selfish, immature brat, who needs a kick up the rear. Show her the door - you can do better than that!

FBaby

bouncydog1 wrote: »

Dd is going to flat share with her boyfriend, who has a mortgage to pay. He doesn't want rent - we insist on paying it so she maintains independence whilst her studies continue.

That made me laugh. So he doesn't want rent because she can't pay for it, so instead of being dependent on him, she is dependent on you to pay it. If I was him, I would find it insulting if clearly he can afford to pay the mortgage without her support. If you are prepared to make a commitment to moving in together, you accept that not everything financial has to be 50/50. There is a lot more you can bring in a relationship than just money.

Should all chores be divided 50/50 regardless of the fact that one might work long hours and the other not? Or maybe one should pay a taxi fee if they are given a lift somewhere....

duchy

I suppose if a student isn't getting anything due to parental income the parents would be paying their child's rent if they didn't work part-time whilst studying regardless so whether they give it to a boyfriend or a landlord amounts to the same. I must admit I wouldn't want a teenage/early twenties daughter in a live in situation where she wasn't a contributing partner -but equally in such an unequal situation as him owning and earning and her a student I'd probably encourage her to live elsewhere so she gets the best of both worlds with the student lifestyle and her relationship.

liney

Tell her you are considering renting your house out to cover the mortgage and going to lodge elsewhere.

If she wants to move with you then she wants a relationship; if she wants to move in with her friend she wants your wallet.

paddy's_mum

duchy wrote: »

a contributing partner

I've been wondering since the first post whether the girlfriend does all the home care stuff (the cleaning, shopping, cooking, gardening, laundry etc) and feels she is contributing in an entirely fair manner, even if it isn't in hard cash.

I do know that as a housekeeper, my salary would be a lot more than £300 a month and perhaps the OP should look at that aspect of the situation if the girlfriend is doing the bulk of the housework. A 4 bedroomed house takes some looking after and there is more than one obvious route to be 'paying one's way'.

It would perhaps be enlightening to see some sort of breakdown of income and expenditure and who-does/pays-for-what.

Melonade

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I've been wondering since the first post whether the girlfriend does all the home care stuff (the cleaning, shopping, cooking, gardening, laundry etc) and feels she is contributing in an entirely fair manner, even if it isn't in hard cash.

I do know that as a housekeeper, my salary would be a lot more than £300 a month and perhaps the OP should look at that aspect of the situation if the girlfriend is doing the bulk of the housework. A 4 bedroomed house takes some looking after and there is more than one obvious route to be 'paying one's way'.

It would perhaps be enlightening to see some sort of breakdown of income and expenditure and who-does/pays-for-what.

I agree with this and my response was based on her doing nothing.

My OH is the earner and I do the washing, cooking, cleaning, decorating etc... don't get me wrong though he does do jobs in the house that I'd make a total mess of and I do help him at work when he's very busy.

I do still think that if she's getting some form of income from the rent of her property and they are both unemployed ATM then it's still fair to put money into food or some bills.

pmlindyloo

monty-doggy wrote: »

are you the girlfriend????

Well, there's a thought! Always up for something new but since I'm in my late 60s I'm positive the OP wouldn't take me in!

As usual lots of other information comes to light after a few more posts.

I never suggested that the girl friend didn't pay her way - apologies if that's how you read it.

I was commenting on the financial arrangements and the fact that they seemed to have different views on their relationship.

I don't know what their relationship is. It certainly seems long term rather than 'friends with benefits' but may be wrong.

Call me old fashioned but it seems to me that this is the hub of the problem and needs sorting out.