Girlfriend refusing to pay towards rent

davecon1

My head is really in a spin at the moment and I could do with some impartial advice.

Brief history: My gf and I split up a couple of years ago after 5 years together. At the time we were living in my house and she was paying £300pm for rent. My mortgage was £1500 a month.

Just before we split she had decided to buy a flat so she could own something. Prior to her exchange she stopped paying any rent for 3 months as she was using all her cash to fund her place. Shortly after she got the place we split up and she moved in.

Fast forward a year and we got back together. She had a lodger but after a few months moved completely back into mine. During the last 9 months she has not paid anything in rent but has paid something towards food. I felt that I couldn't charge anything as she was still paying her mortgage and there was always the option of staying at hers rather than mine.

Unfortunately by coincidence we have both been made redundant within a few months of each other and she has now rented out her flat which more than covers the mortgage. As her place is now officially rented out I have asked her to pay rent again but she argues she shouldn't have to as:

A. She doesn't have a job
b. I should be getting a decent redundancy package (she got 6 months but already has spent half of it).

She's threatened to leave and stay with friends if she has to pay which almost certainly means the end of the relationship. If she does pay (which she has agreed under much protest) she will hold it against me.

Am I being unreasonable by asking her to pay towards rent?

monty-doggy

I think you shouldn't be together, sounds to me like she's very selfish and using you. Weather or not you are happy in between this clearly isn't a partnership and she should be paying her way.

I'd be thankful of the wake up call and ask her to move out!

CH27

Let her leave.
No way should she expect to live rent free.

pmlindyloo

davecon1 wrote: »

My head is really in a spin at the moment and I could do with some impartial advice.

Brief history: My gf and I split up a couple of years ago after 5 years together. At the time we were living in my house and she was paying £300pm for rent. My mortgage was £1500 a month.

Just before we split she had decided to buy a flat so she could own something. Prior to her exchange she stopped paying any rent for 3 months as she was using all her cash to fund her place. Shortly after she got the place we split up and she moved in.

Fast forward a year and we got back together. She had a lodger but after a few months moved completely back into mine. During the last 9 months she has not paid anything in rent but has paid something towards food. I felt that I couldn't charge anything as she was still paying her mortgage and there was always the option of staying at hers rather than mine.

Unfortunately by coincidence we have both been made redundant within a few months of each other and she has now rented out her flat which more than covers the mortgage. As her place is now officially rented out I have asked her to pay rent again but she argues she shouldn't have to as:

A. She doesn't have a job
b. I should be getting a decent redundancy package (she got 6 months but already has spent half of it).

She's threatened to leave and stay with friends if she has to pay which almost certainly means the end of the relationship. If she does pay (which she has agreed under much protest) she will hold it against me.

Am I being unreasonable by asking her to pay towards rent?

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable but have you thought how she is going to pay it?

She is virtually a lodger as you are charging her rent (I can understand your thinking - you don't want her to have any 'rights' to your house) but I always feel this is a poor start to a relationship.

It seems that she considers that you are living together as man and wife and you should be supporting her in her 'hour of need'.

You need to sort out your relationship.

My advice - let her go and stay with friends or (eventually) move back to her own house and conduct your relationship from different 'homes'.

When/if you are ready to commit to each other then have a grown up discussion about finances. It seems that you both have completely different outlooks to your current relationship.

Horace

She is being unreasonable - either she pays rent or she goes and sofa surfs with her pals.

Remember that her moving out will mean a reduction in council tax for you which can be no bad thing. Or offer the spare room for rent to a lodger.

Desecrated_Landscape

It sounds like she is just using you and threatening to leave you is emotional blackmail. Stand your ground and ask her to pay, a relationship work both ways and it appears you are all give and she is just taking the p**s.

good_advice

Time to say goodbye unless she is willing to help with bills.
If you lived on your own it would be less electric and reduced council tax.

Hopefully you can work out something?
Let her go stay with friends. How long will they pay for her?
It is a tough world.

monty-doggy

pmlindyloo wrote: »

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable but have you thought how she is going to pay it?

op stated they were BOTH made redundant, and she received six months pay as a settlement but has spent half of it. He isn't earning either so they should both pay!

She is virtually a lodger as you are charging her rent (I can understand your thinking - you don't want her to have any 'rights' to your house) but I always feel this is a poor start to a relationship.

why? Given they have split up in the past he is right to protect himself, and if they are not as serious yet why should she live rent free???

It seems that she considers that you are living together as man and wife and you should be supporting her in her 'hour of need'.

and vice versa! And she has received her redundancy pay and he hasn't!

You need to sort out your relationship.

My advice - let her go and stay with friends or (eventually) move back to her own house and conduct your relationship from different 'homes'.

When/if you are ready to commit to each other then have a grown up discussion about finances. It seems that you both have completely different outlooks to your current relationship.

are you the girlfriend????

davecon1

Thanks for your reply. Am not sure if she is selfish or simply not seeing the reality of the situation.

It's true that I have an issue with money especially when i think that people are taking the mick. If the situation was reversed and I lived at her place there's no way on earth I could get away with not paying the rent. I just wish she could see that so we can move forward.

My plan is to use my redundancy to pay off some of the mortgage so it's not as if I'll be dining at the Ritz!

monty-doggy

I'm my mind a partnership is just that. Me and my oh share all our money. One of us would never expect to live for free. We support each other and share everything we have. There is no way on earth I'd ever refuse to contribute, even if I was on jsa benefit I would still put it into the pot.

I think her attitude is childish and selfish.

davecon1

pmlindyloo wrote: »

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable but have you thought how she is going to pay it?

She is virtually a lodger as you are charging her rent (I can understand your thinking - you don't want her to have any 'rights' to your house) but I always feel this is a poor start to a relationship.

It seems that she considers that you are living together as man and wife and you should be supporting her in her 'hour of need'.

You need to sort out your relationship.

My advice - let her go and stay with friends or (eventually) move back to her own house and conduct your relationship from different 'homes'.

When/if you are ready to commit to each other then have a grown up discussion about finances. It seems that you both have completely different outlooks to your current relationship.

Thanks for an alternate view. She has got money from her redundancy package and a small amount of income from her flat. She is also becoming a freelance personal trainer and has the alternative to get a job if she wants to.

Money has been an issue from the very beginning but in my opinion you have to pay towards your accommodation. At £300 pounds a month for a 4 bedroom house in Wimbledon that's not a large amount to pay.

One point I think you missed is that I'm also being made redundant. I've got no choice but to rent or sell my place or lose it. It's not an option for me just to not pay as I don't have an income.

definitely agree we need to sort things out though especially as we are planning to go travelling!