Girlfriend refusing to pay towards rent

Mojisola

tyllwyd wrote: »

I would find it strange to be asked to pay 'rent' in a relationship where we were living together.

Would you find it acceptable to live with someone without contributing towards the housing costs?

Bennifred

It would be very enlightening to know what the reply would be if the OP suggested reversing the situation - ie renting out his house and them both living in hers without him contributing to any expenses.....:cool:

moromir

Mojisola wrote: »

She isn't having to pay her mortgage - her tenant is covering that.

Yes because she has chosen to go into business as a landlord and is having an income from her business (be it landlording, window cleaning, teaching - what does it matter?)

I can't see whats unfair about each person paying their own mortgage and then splitting the bills 50/50 at the property they're living at?

I can't see why she should contribute to his mortgage if he isn't contributing to hers?

Melonade

moromir wrote: »

Yes because she has chosen to go into business as a landlord and is having an income from her business (be it landlording, window cleaning, teaching - what does it matter?)

I can't see whats unfair about each person paying their own mortgage and then splitting the bills 50/50 at the property they're living at?

I can't see why she should contribute to his mortgage if he isn't contributing to hers?

But she isn't having to contribute to her mortgage either, it's being paid for in rent and a bit more left over.

They are both now unemployed so I really think she should tip up some money to her boyfriend.

The point here for me is that she said if you insist I pay then I'll leave!!! I don't think thats fair, you gotta pay your way even when youre in a relationship. Nothing is a free ride so why isn't she paying? She's getting her mortgage paid and has some left over and then throws some threats in when it isn't going her way!!

Let her stay at her friends and see how long they out up with her not paying, or maybe she will pay towards their bills and she's just having you on?

*max*

Let's put it in terms of cake. You have a cake each. She chose to take her cake and put it in the freezer, so that she can enjoy it later. It's still her cake. Then she goes to the OP and says "Oh, can I have a tiny, tiny bite of your cake please? Mine's in the freezer, so I can't have it!". To put it very simply.

mgdavid

you've been had, not once but twice. Learn from the mistake and I hope your next relationship goes better.

yvonne13_2

You're being played up and down like a fiddle to her tune. Sorry OP you may think you are/was having a relationship but you see whom people really or when things like this happen.

You know what to do so do it sharp before you lose everything.

FBaby

I don't think the issue is with money but with the relationship. If I was asked to pay 'rent' by my partner who I've been with for 5 years +, I would feel highly insulted. It might sound like she is using you but you sound like you are happy to string her along without any commitment, which in my view is a bit like using her too.

I suspect her view is that if you are now together, it is to make it work as a couple, hence sharing money, if not in same account, in mindset. I expect you have received a much larger redundancy package then her, with maybe less outgoings, hence her view that maybe, at least for some time, you pay all the mortgage.

I was in the same situation until I married. If my then partner had asked me for 'rent', I would have told him where to go. We were a partnership and that resulted in him paying more in than I for various reasons. He accepted that came with the parcel, but thankfully, he saw that the relationship balanced well in other ways.

lee111s

She needsto contribute for half of the household bills. Maybe it's the fact you've told her you want "rent" from her that she's not happy about? Sit down and explain that you think it only fair that she contributes to half of the bills and that it's unfair for her to think she can live in your house for free.

duchy

A lot of support for you -but then only one side of the story

You said you "have an issue with money". Is this shorthand for "my friends think I'm tight" by any chance ?

Frankly if I had a small flat (I'm assuming hers is small as one lodger is covering the entire mortgage cost) and I'd had to get a lodger when I was made redundant to pay the mortgage-and my boyfriend of long standing was made redundant a few months later-didn't bother getting lodgers into his larger home with three spare bedrooms to cover HIS mortgage- but expected ME to pick up his slack instead I'd probably feel a bit hard done by and feel I'd "sacrificed" my flat but he wasn't making a similar effort to make his property contribute to our finances . Frankly if I was in your situation with my current boyfriend we'd be renting out the four bedroom house and living in the smaller place to maximize income -but ours is a partnership and I'm not sure your is -either financially or emotionally.

You said your girlfriend has spent half of her redundancy money ....was this on the training course to become a fitness instructor so an investment in getting a new career after redundancy .....or on exotic holidays and handbags ? It makes a difference ! Was she made redundant before you or after you ( you said you were made redundant within months of each other)

I think you both have such different views about money -whilst you were both working it probably didn't matter so much but now the wolf is at the door those differences are showing and you both think you are right rather than attempting to find compromise . You talk about her "paying you rent" eg she isn't an equal partner in your eyes but a lodger-rather than her "contributing to our expenses". Especially if you got a better package than her I can see why she's not falling in with your plan. I do wonder if she's thinking "Does he see me as a partner or a friend with benefits with lodger status?"

It isn't about who is right and who is wrong -it is about if you can BOTH see the other person's view and work out a compromise . She may see moving out as a compromise as it may put you in a situation to get a lodger too and "even the playing field" and not regard it as the end of the relationship as you do. We are getting one side of the story - and there is always at least two and hopefully I've made you think about that !