marriage in trouble

lonelyguy

I think its also worth saying that after a certain time you just stop trying. Which is what I did. Im struggling to see a time where I would feel confident enough to try to initiate intimacy with her.

tayforth

Idiophreak wrote: »

Of course you're going to feel guilty.

I doubt she's actually a completely bad person - otherwise you wouldn't have married her in the first place, right?

And she is going to be hurt by this...even if the reason it hurts her aren't the best, she will suffer...

So you are going to feel guilty that these discussions and any possible separation will upset her. And you still love her, so it's going to hurt you to upset her...but you just need to keep breathing and keep thinking about the bigger picture.

OR... he could be feeling guilty because she's being manipulative (horrible one minute, nice the next) and he feels confused.

lonelyguy wrote: »

I think its also worth saying that after a certain time you just stop trying. Which is what I did. Im struggling to see a time where I would feel confident enough to try to initiate intimacy with her.

This is so sad. I really feel for you, lonelyguy.

lonelyguy

It is sad tayforth.
its sad that its got to the point where I say its over before she realises its a serious issue.
I guess thats only four years after I first raised it. God, im so demanding aren't I? ;-)

CH27

How are you going to cope on holiday Lonelyguy?

lonelyguy

I think she will want to use the holiday as a way of us trying to reconcile.
not a bad idea I guess but im dreading it if im distant and not responsive.
Fortunately its in uk so can get home quite easily.

For some reason singing 'happy talk' from south pacific would either be a coping mechanism that works great or sends me insane !

lonelyguy

When I say not a bad idea, I mean its a reasonable suggestion even if I decide im not up for it.

marisco_2

lonelyguy wrote: »

I think its also worth saying that after a certain time you just stop trying. Which is what I did. Im struggling to see a time where I would feel confident enough to try to initiate intimacy with her.

Awful that a person who claims to love you more than anything, has by her own actions and approaches reduced you to feeling this way.

OP I think you should feel very proud of yourself, for having the guts to be so open and honest with us all, even over such private areas of your life as above. I am very conscious of the fact that as this thread progresses, and more advice and opinion is given, it exposes you to facing some very painful truths about your relationship. Not an easy position to be in at all.

lonelyguy

Thanks marisco
I just wish my wife would see my openess as a means to have dialogue. Not as an excuse to be constantly defensive about things that I try to open up about.

marisco_2

lonelyguy wrote: »

Thanks marisco
I just wish my wife would see my openess as a means to have dialogue. Not as an excuse to be constantly defensive about things that I try to open up about.

That would involve your wife having to take your thoughts and feelings into consideration, and to accept that her views and approaches may not always be the most appropriate to any given situation or subject. To think that most people would have this ability is a completely normal and realistic expectation. From what you have described of your wife's character and personality, I don't think she is the type to do this though. You know her best of course, so what are your feelings? For how long are you prepared to be quashed and not heard whenever you try to express yourself? I don't envy the difficult decisions you have ahead of you one bit.

savingmummy

I have just one thing to say........


You sound like such a great person, you come across so caring and thoughtful and I truly hope you get this all sorted out and are happy.