marriage in trouble

BrassicWoman

if you are sure you want out, stop talking about it, and do it. There is no nice way to say "I don't want to be married any more" and no amount of talking will take the sting out of the message.

Find somewhere to live, and get gone.

fivetide

Now is your time to properly 'man up' then.

Tell her that this is HER last chance not yours. Any more of the back biting, sniping or criticism and that's it - gone.

Get some rules in place before she doormats you again.

Good luck

Gigervamp

You mentioned about you trying to make her happy. Well, it works both ways. What's she going to do to make you happy?

kelpie35

I have read your thread and I really feel for you.

Many, many years ago I was in the exact same position as you find yourself in today.

I believed every promise that was made to me and I have to say that it was the biggest mistake of my life.

I was taken for a fool and I certainly don't want that to happen to you.

If the discussions are repeating themselves from your previous separation I really think you have to make a decision now that things will be ok for a few months days maybe and then will revert back to where you are now.

I know you might feel very sad just now but you are entitled to a happy life where you are loved and respected. Sorry to say but I don't think that will happen with your wife.

I wish you all the best with whatever decision you make.

Take care

savingmummy

Do you know what it takes a lot to express how you feel face to face and talk when your feeling low!
You`ve done good.


Now your feeling distant from her and depressed, this tells me you don`t want to stay how you are.


Be strong!

tayforth

lonelyguy wrote: »

Well good morning. Last night was a rollercoaster.
thank you for all your posts so far.
I told her it was over but she wouldnt accept it as some people here said would happen.
she then made a lot of promises and reminded me how much better things were since after the seperation.
I would agree they have been better but that still doesnt have to equal great.

im sorry to say that I crumbled at her pleas last night to reconsider.. We started talking at about 4 and didnt finish till gone 11 so were both tired in the end.

I havent said yes or no now but waking up today with some renewed clarity, I feel distant from her and mildly depressed.

I have to go to work today. we are on holiday next week.
She is out for the day so wont see her till tonight.

I think if I still feel it, then it will come out tonight. Sad to say that would mean a second round of upset which I dont want for anyone.

sorry I couldnt post a more definite conclusion today.
Part of me feels cynically hopeful and the other part feels hopelessly cynical!

Read your post back again, lonelyguy. You told her what you wanted and she wouldn't accept it.

Do you feel happy and filled with optimism at the thought of being with herfor the rest of your life - another 40, 50, 60 years or more??

Or did you give in and agree to try again because you were tired?

The decision is 100% yours, and we are not here to persuade you one way or another, or to judge you.

Having said that, you seemed at peace with your decision to end it, and now you seem exhausted and - dare I say - resigned.

atrixblue.-MFR-.

my suggestion is if your feeling this way then its already over, grab your stuff whilst she's out, write a letter detailing that you still feel you need to separate, that you give in to her plea's because it makes you feel upset that she's upset but it still doesn't change the fact the marriage is over, and is easier to leave this way rather than do the dance of talking pleaing crying and still have the same feelings.

pingufan

15 years ago I was in the EXACT same position. With a man that made me unhappy, never wanted to spend time with me, criticised me. I was alone in my short marriage.

I slowly fell out of love with him to the point where I just didn't want to be around him any more. He destroyed all my feelings for him.

I told him I wanted out - he did the same, promised, we talked, he promised some more but I felt dead towards him inside.

I held strong - I left, we sold the house, we divorced and soon I met my now husband who even now makes my tummy flip over. We have 2 smashing children and I am very happy. Life should be happy and you shouldnt be with someone that doesnt make you happy xx

And...the feeling of the whole weigh lifted off my shoulders once I'd made my decision was amazing

Idiophreak

fivetide wrote: »

Now is your time to properly 'man up' then.

Tell her that this is HER last chance not yours. Any more of the back biting, sniping or criticism and that's it - gone.

Get some rules in place before she doormats you again.

I'm not sure this is particularly fair.

We know that the OP isn't as tidy as the wife and that she grumbles about a lot of stuff he does (or doesn't do) around the house and he often views this as excessive criticism.

Well, I, for one, will stick my hand up and say that this sounds an awful lot like my relationship at times. I drive my wife bonkers with my lack of tidiness and she's been known to be...critical at times I think that's fairly normal in a relationship.

What concerned me more from the original post was the stuff that was *lacking* from the relationship...communication, intimacy, respect...And all of those things are mutual things...they need effort from both sides...I'm not saying that the OP hasn't been trying, just that I don't think OP saying "shape up or I'm out of here" is particularly helpful. If OP decides to stay, he needs to start working *with* his wife to sort out their marriage, not putting up his own walls and issuing his own demands. It isn't her turn to make an effort, it takes two. Marriage isn't about getting the other person to dance to your tune...it's about making beautiful music together

tayforth

pingufan wrote: »

15 years ago I was in the EXACT same position. With a man that made me unhappy, never wanted to spend time with me, criticised me. I was alone in my short marriage.

I slowly fell out of love with him to the point where I just didn't want to be around him any more. He destroyed all my feelings for him.

I told him I wanted out - he did the same, promised, we talked, he promised some more but I felt dead towards him inside.

I held strong - I left, we sold the house, we divorced and soon I met my now husband who even now makes my tummy flip over. We have 2 smashing children and I am very happy. Life should be happy and you shouldnt be with someone that doesnt make you happy xx

And...the feeling of the whole weigh lifted off my shoulders once I'd made my decision was amazing

This was me as well. My ex talked me round on more than one occasion, but every time I gave in, I felt worse. Finally, I could take no more. The relief I felt when I ended it was unbelievable. That was a year ago, and I haven't looked back. I've recently met a lovely guy and I count my blessings every day.