marriage in trouble

lonelyguy

Need to delete

lonelyguy

Need to delete

TBagpuss

If you are able to leave and speak to her now, the that might be more helpful than stressing over it all day, and then speaking to her when you are already tired and stressed.

You might also find it helpful to think about what your response will be to her if she (for instance) says that she is now willing to try counselling again. She may not, but you might find it helpful to think about whether *you* feel things are now past that stage, or whether you would be willing to try it if she wer e now to suggest it.

Also, if she is likely to be texting you et c this evening after you have spoken to her, remember that it is OK to simply turn your phone off for the night if you don't want to have to deal with that today.

Melonade

lonelyguy wrote: »

Im thinking I should leave work now and go home. She is on holiday this week so I know she is there.
I dont know if I can get through the day as it is...

Just popped in to see how you are.

If you can get away from work and you think it'd be better to deal with it now, then yes.

I know how I can stress over things that need facing and can get myself into a pretty bad state. I'm one of those that go over every possible reply or scenario in my head to prepare myself. In reality this rarely works

Life is for living and being happy, sometimes we have to make hard choices (for ourself and others) to make it right.

What ever you decide or how you go about it, good luck and do what's right for you, your the one living your life, not anybody else.

lonelyguy

Need to delete

claire21

Just ask your boss if you can finish at lunch time as something urgent has come up.

okborednow

lonelyguy wrote: »

Yeah its kinda screwed me head up thinking I acted badly last night. Was it wrong to do what I did?

I think she believes that the relationship is worth saving.
I feel so confused. At times I think of the nice things she can do like buying me gifts but to me that doesnt count for much if there is then a lack of mutual respect?

Dont suppose anyone can perform labotomies can they? Might help to clear my head!

I can't say I blame you for being confused but you're right it's the day to day stuff that matters most. My fianc! has bought me wonderful presents over the years but when I think of him the stuff I remember is him bringing me breakfast in bed, telling me I'm gorgeous when I'm feeling fat and ugly, the times we've spent the evening cuddling on the sofa watching a film and so on. I wouldn't trade those moments for any amount of presents. If you're not feeling loved and appreciated and there's no sign of that changing I'm not sure what your wife feels she's offering you.

vanessav

She may well think that the relationship is worth saving. Not much point in being superior if there is no 'inferior' person around to do everything her way! The fact that you are so petrified of confronting her reveals how in this relationship, you aren't allowed to state your needs.
Remember, your feelings do count.

emmaj30

Its not going to be pleasant and she will say things like how much she wants to save the relationship and how much she loves you . Theres a difference between saying things and actually doing them. You've obviously made your mind up and hopefully whatever you choose hope you are happy.

marisco_2

I think it is testament to how well you have been raised, that you have recognised just how toxic the relationship that you share with your wife is. You understand what a normal connection between two people who love each other should be like. Going on what you have advised us of here, you have strived for a very long time to make your marriage work. You haven't given up at the first hurdle and thrown it all away on a whim. That you are now accepting that no matter what you do or say, things will not change or improve within your marriage, does not make you a failure in any way. On the contrary this awareness suggests you are a decent guy who is astute and values himself.

I hope you will be okay when you see and talk with your wife later. Follow your mums advice, stay calm and keep holding your head high.