marriage in trouble

lisyloo

It doesn't sound like you have a lot in common.
It also sounds like you are trying to compromise but she isn't.

I'm happily married and the main reason why is because we both care about how each other feel and we both compromise to do what best for us as a couple and put aside getting our own way,

Sorry but it just doesn't sound like that with her.

I think you need to walk away.
Believe me when you look back you will wonder what took you so long.
There will be a nice person out there for you somewhere.

Sorry to should but definitely
What you descirbe is NOT HOW A GOOD MARRIAGE SHOULD BE.
You deserve a lot better and you owe it to yourself to stop wasting you life. You cannot make it happen single handed.

There comes a time when you have to stop flogging a dead horse.
I'm sorry if that sounds blunt but sometimes tough love is right.

Idiophreak

Jacqu79 wrote: »

lonelyguy, no offence, but your wife sounds horrible from how you've described her.:(

I think this is the key, OP.

We're all giving you advise based on this horribly controlling woman you're sharing with us. You have to ask yourself truthfully if that's really the whole story. We know she agreed to try and make things work after your separation, so she clearly has some level of investment in the relationship, but beyond that, we don't know if you're just giving us the negatives because you're in a bad place, or whether that really is all there is to her...

okborednow

Lonelyguy I want to start by giving you a virtual hug. It so sad to read your posts as how unhappy you are comes through in every single one. Obviously we're only getting your side and you may be at a particularly low ebb but it's hard to see what either of you is getting from this marriage. Your wife in particular seems to not even be civil to you which really is not on. Anyone in a long term relationship may say bad things in the heat of the moment but this seems very much like a pattern of behaviour.

Is she like this with everyone or just you? I know some people who are incredibly particular about their home and very naggy but they're like that with everyone. My aunt in particular is basically a nice person but I think her husband deserves a medal! If she's lovely to everyone else and just like this with you then I think that's very telling.

Two thoughts I had were that counselling may be an idea but only if she's prepared to talk opening and be willing to listen to what you have to say. Secondly you say your home with her mostly when your not working. Have you considered that possibly a bit of distance may be a good idea at the moment? If you both took time to do your own thing and enjoy yourselves then you may be in a better mood when you are together. Both me and my fianc! have had an extended period of time off work together and it's been lovely but I'm definitely ready for some me time now!

All the best

C

marisco_2

lonelyguy wrote: »

I fear that this could be the end but am not sure if I have the courage to finish things.

What exactly do you get out of this relationship, which makes the fear of losing it any worse, than the awful day to day reality of staying in it? OP google narcissistic personality disorder and your wife's approaches to yourself, and to life in general might just make a bit more sense.

lonelyguy

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lonelyguy

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CH27

lonelyguy wrote: »

Ive decided im going round to my mums tonight to chat it out. Im not a mummys boy before you all react! :-) I normally chat to my bro about things but I really need some love right now and need to get myself in a place of strength. Plus her macaroni cheese is awesome even if she doesnt know she is making yet - or I may just make it for her :-)

There is nothing wrong with going to your mum for love & support.

couponqueen123

lonelyguy wrote: »

Ive decided im going round to my mums tonight to chat it out. Im not a mummys boy before you all react! :-) I normally chat to my bro about things but I really need some love right now and need to get myself in a place of strength. Plus her macaroni cheese is awesome even if she doesnt know she is making yet - or I may just make it for her :-)

theres no shame in going to your mum/dad for help suport and love

when my marriage broke down years ago with out my mum i dnt think id have pulled throu

dad to but mum was my rock , i rember like yes2day ringing her (she was at work) bursting in to tears and her saying "where are u ill be there now "

and she did she left work and came around my house and hugged me for what felt like ever but omg i cried and cried and it felt good to chat to some -one rather than bottle it up


to me it sounds liek u both dont want to be alown , life goes on and u will find the right person for you babe:A

carefullycautious

Sometimes you just have to acknowledge that you are not compatible.

Don't waste your life trying to be what you are not.

There is someone out there who will love you for who you are and you will look back and realise you have had a lucky escape.

Mrs_Z

Longelyguy - I think you are too nice. It sounds as though she is taking an advantage of you and in the process losing her respect. As my friend, whose marriage fell apart, put it: 'Once the respect goes, there is nothing left'. Ask yourself don't you deserve better? You can't force someone to love you, but the one who does will also accept your imperfections. And there is someone for everyone.