marriage in trouble

CH27

lonelyguy wrote: »

You are all talking sense. I know I am the one who has to do something.
Thanks profet. Yeah, lol... slavery sounds about right!
I see my brother and his girlfriend and they are so happy and I am very envious!

Do you honestly ever see yourself being so happy with your wife?

TopQuark

Oh and sorry to say OP, but she sounds like a whining, miserable b*tch. As someone else said, you have but ONE life. Don't spend it with someone who treats you badly and makes you feel worthless.

Idiophreak

TopQuark wrote: »

Seriously, I find the level of anti-male sexism on this forum really disappointing at times. And I'm female.

I do too, but I'm not sure the post you quoted was sexist.

If it was a woman posting, there would have been hundreds of posts pointing out the abuse that's going on, all the charities OP should call, how he should never go back to that woman etc - I quite agree.

dandelionclock30, however, I just read as pointing out that it sounds like the OP's wife is going through the motions, pulling away, not (bluntly) in love with the OP any more. I don't believe it was any attempt to put blame on the OP...

EdGasket

"Marriage is a contract between two people" - yes, for life.

"Putting up with a bit of attitude is "sickness and health" "richer poorer" stuff,"

No, the words mean what they say although modern-day morals like to play them down to the 'stuff' level. If your partner is not giving you happiness right now then look within yourself for your own happiness and contentment then share this with your partner. If you are always thinking about jumping ship, it will never work. You have to accept the situation you are in and make it work.

Idiophreak

EdGasket wrote: »

"Marriage is a contract between two people" - yes, for life.

Yes, it binds two people for life. Not one person for life. If your partner doesn't uphold their end of the bargain, you're not bound to your side. It's a pact of mutual love and respect, not of servitude.

EdGasket wrote: »

No, the words mean what they say although modern-day morals like to play them down to the 'stuff' level. If your partner is not giving you happiness right now then look within yourself for your own happiness and contentment then share this with your partner. If you are always thinking about jumping ship, it will never work.

The OP has been trying to make it work for 4 years, I don't believe that counts as "always thinking about jumping ship".

I don't believe there was ever an intention that "sickness and in health" means "you can do whatever the hell you want to me and I have to put up with it". There's all this "stuff" about "loving and cherishing" too...You can't lose the carrot but keep the stick.

fivetide

lonelyguy wrote: »

before anyone else says man-up, thanks but that doesnt mean anything.
thats what she says to me when it suits her. Obviously it goes without saying the reverse doesnt apply to her.
I have manned up for four years waiting for her, building a life for us. It is difficult to walk away when you have worked so hard toward something.
.........

if I could run away from all of this I would. Australia sounds nice this time of year..

Sounds like you've done the opposite and been a doormat and she treats you as such.

No respect at all.

Also Australia is heading into winter isn't it since summer is strating here....

savingmummy

You can only put up with so much.
I personally could not continue living in this kind of marriage, especially if I had tried my ALL to sort things out.

Marriage shouldn`t just be given up on easily, BUT it can`t continue if neither are happy and not been happy for a long length of time.

SquirrelNutkins

Some people just dont fit, and you cant change that. She doesnt treat you well at all. You said you`ve been working at this relationship for 4 years and it would be a waste to quit. But think of it this way, if you stay for another 4 years and it still wont work you`ve waisted 4 more years! To be honest it does not sound like it´s going to work.

Have you heard of Myers Briggs personality types? Your wife sounds like a controlling SJ, look it up. (not saying that all SJs are controlling) Thats why she only wants to talk practical things, its in her character, youll never ever change that. You sound like some Intuitive type, they are interested in theoretical things, talking about big picture things etc. not in cleaning the bathroom for the 3rd time that day. I wasnt sure if I should bring this type stuff up, some people will probably moan about it, but its really helpful once you´ve read about it.

Apart from that, she seems to almost bully you, and she doesnt seem to be interested in changing herself, she wants you to change and bend so much to her will until you snap, dont do it.

Jacqu79

lonelyguy, no offence, but your wife sounds horrible from how you've described her.:(

If you've tried everything and she's not prepared to make an effort to save your marriage, why make yourself miserable by staying with her? I know it's easy for me to say leave her, but you have to think of the effect the stress is having on you an weigh up if it's worth it.

I hope you get things sorted out one way or another.

BJV

TopQuark wrote: »

Oh and sorry to say OP, but she sounds like a whining, miserable b*tch. As someone else said, you have but ONE life. Don't spend it with someone who treats you badly and makes you feel worthless.

Think this just about says it all.

If you have tried, really tried and you are still unhappy then you have to do something.

Life is too short. You can not switch the Tv without hearing of someones life being cut short.

You need to do what is right for you and what will make you happy. Everyone has the right to feel special and that should not be with someone who wants to control you. Marriage should be a equal partnership so start planning what you are going to do and do it.