marriage in trouble

CH27

lonelyguy wrote: »

I hate going home. I hate worrying about what I havent done right or the mood she might be in.
To be honest if she did stay at her parents tonight I would be relieved... and it makes me upset to even think that.

That is mental & emotional abuse.

Idiophreak

She's controlling you, bullying you, speaking to you in ways that just aren't acceptable. You're not getting anything from the relationship. She's not compromising. She's not trying to change.

I really don't see what courage has to do with anything. At a point, common sense takes over.

EdGasket

And what about commitment and honouring the promise you gave? Marriage is not about 'what can I get out of it' it is about 'what can I put in'.

Prothet_of_Doom

A turning point in my marriage was saying "And exactly what do you get out of our marriage, because I'm getting nothing that a slave wouldn't expect."

There's a lot more to it that went on, but there was an ultimatum, where I explained, that I'd rather live in a bedsit and see my children every other weekend, than take any more low level crap.

These days, I often respond to critisisum with "To be honest my darling, I was too busy farting to be bothered cleaning and tidying, but you should be grateful I opened a window, but if you reward me now, I'll see if I can find time in my farting schedule to clean the bathroom"

lonelyguy

Need to delete

savingmummy

I think you want out, but your worried about actually doing it.

You`ll feel better for doing so.
Good luck!

lonelyguy

You are all talking sense. I know I am the one who has to do something.
Thanks profet. Yeah, lol... slavery sounds about right!
I see my brother and his girlfriend and they are so happy and I am very envious!

Idiophreak

EdGasket wrote: »

And what about commitment and honouring the promise you gave? Marriage is not about 'what can I get out of it' it is about 'what can I put in'.

Marriage is a contract between two people...both people have to put something in. It's (give and take), not (give) and (take).

Putting up with a bit of attitude is "sickness and health" "richer poorer" stuff, but after a certain period, or after certain behaviour, it's not tolerating the other person's weaknesses, it's putting their well being before your own, which isn't healthy, nor the intention of marriage.

emmaj30

The only way I can put it is " If you were take yourself out of the situation and say it was a friend who was saying this to you, what would you tell them" PLUS


If you've been in a previous relationship and five years down the line you look back at it and think " that was soo bad, look what I have now is so much better. Im glad I got out of it"


My advice to you is to go for broke. YOU have one life. If you feel lonely, if you feel like you don't want to go home as you are nervous of what she's going to say or wish her to be at her parents house then its not right. You both have to be honest with yourselves and say what's best for both of you. If you want to be together then fine work it out and actually be a couple who sorts things out together,


If not, it will hurt at first but in the long run I promise you, you will be so much happier!! good luck in whatever you do

TopQuark

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Sounds like shes fed up with you and that you irritate her. In reality if shes had enough then shes had enough, you need to ask her what she thinks about your relationship and whether she wants to make it work or not.
To me it sounds like she wants out, but she might not be able to leave because of others factors etc.

Why don't you have a little think about what you have written there. If the OP was a woman, I'm sure you wouldn't dream of writing such a thing...

'Sounds like he's fed up with you and you irritate him. Sounds like he wants out but he might not be able to leave because of other factors'.

Seriously, I find the level of anti-male sexism on this forum really disappointing at times. And I'm female.