Why Are More Couples Splitting Up These Days?

paulineb_2

Replying to posts you don't really want to quote is a new one on me.

Here's a thought, in times gone by there were probably many unhappy couples who stayed together because many women didn't work and depended on husbands who did financially.

People not divorcing isn't the best indicator of whether a relationship is happy. You'll get many married and miserable people who stay together for the sake of the kids for example.

Cottage_Economy

People split up because there is not the awful pressure from society to stay together, and in many respects that is a blessing as well as a curse.

My parents have been married for nearly 50 years and they should have divorced years ago. I remember asking them to as a teenager because I couldn't stand the screaming fights all the time.

My and my sister's life were made miserable growing up living with two people who married because my mother was pregnant, as was expected by society, and went on to disrespect and fight each other throughout their lives together.

Neither will 'give in' as they quaintly put it because they are too old now and they refuse to split the marital money equally. They have a higher standard of living by being together.

delain

daisiegg wrote: »

Why would you have married men messaging you on FB? No one has ever messaged me on there other than the close friends and family I have on my friends list.

I have absolutely no idea tbh It was a few years back mind, before the much better privacy settings they have now.

Point was, there's many more ways for things to develop now than there was 25 years ago!

victory

anotheruser wrote: »

I'd like to hear your thoughts on why more couples are splitting up these days?

Here's some thoughts:

• Not bothering to get married to begin with?
  
• The hot discussion about having separate bank accounts?
  
• Kids having kids, father feels he has to stay but doesn't actually LOVE the mother?
  
• Lack of a faith, leading to promiscuity/lack of self-respect?
  
• Bank of Mum and Dad providing for their child through University so the student learns less about being responsible?
  
• Career driven women who don't start families until late, then feel they can't leave their career?
  
• Men who don't feel they are as responsible for providing for their family?
  
• Housing problem, leading to couples having children to get a bigger house, then when they are sorted, realising they were having children just to get a bigger house.

While I am sure nobody plans to get divorced or separated from their partner, I am sure a number of little things make it more likely than not.
There is no denying there are clear patterns, but what do you think is the main cause?

PLEASE AT LEAST *TRY* AND BE RESPECTFUL IN RESPONSES.

Wow:eek: never thought of some of those reasons:eek:

spender

Every marriage has its ups and downs and yes the trill of meeting a new person and that special time at a beginning of a relationship. However this does wear off and causes some people to constantly seek that trill and after a while it ends up with the same problems but just another face on the pillow! And with the cushion of benefits etc it makes it easier for couples to split up along with the general lifestyle we now lead. However nothing for me can beat the security and love from a long marriage and therefore I take the bad times ride them out before they come good again. Couples also need to take time out from the children to be a couple. I vowed that I would never be one of the couples I see in restaurants eating a meal not speaking, and became very conscious that a danger time is when the kids have grown up and you realise you have nothing to say to each other. So we have purposely started created our own joint activities as the kids have neared adulthood so we are well prepared for the next chapter of our lives. I could cheerfully kill him at times though!

seven-day-weekend

We were married nine years before we had our son. We always had lives of our own, both before he arrived, while we were bringing him up and after he grew up.

I agree it is very important to be individuals and a couple, not just parents.
They only need your constant attention for a very short time.

Bogof_Babe

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't read tabloid newspapers, and I don't find that long-term relationships and marriages are the exception rather than the rule.

My parents are going to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary this year, with no divorces / step-parents etc in close relatives at all. The odd second marriage in my Dad's many cousins after the first ending in the death of one spouse. My Dad's brother has never married, my mother's brother will attend with his one and only ever wife, I'll be there with my two sons (and the father of them both, with whom I live happily). My never-married 3 siblings will also attend, with no children or exes among them.

Maybe you read the wrong things?

It tends to be tabloids (I include Metro) that get left on trains, and I travel a lot .

I'll be reaching my own 40th wedding anniversary in September, but we've had two times in our lives (one quite recently) when it nearly all came to an end. We both come from backgrounds where there were no divorces in the immediate family, although I believe on OH's side some cousins are on their second marriage. However we're in our 60s, and it wasn't so socially acceptable not to stay together in our generation.

Our best friends are a second marriage. Both my male cousins (one on each side) are divorced, despite being of the same generation as ourselves. Whatever one's personal situation, there's no getting away from the fact that the impression is that most families have some member or members who are not with their original partners.

Quoting your own happy and long-enduring family doesn't make the reality of the general situation any less valid. Maybe more bad things happen to split families than surviving ones, hence the impression in the newspapers that the majority of families include step-relationships.

Lily-Rose_3

spender wrote: »

Every marriage has its ups and downs and yes the trill of meeting a new person and that special time at a beginning of a relationship. However this does wear off and causes some people to constantly seek that trill and after a while it ends up with the same problems but just another face on the pillow!

And with the cushion of benefits etc it makes it easier for couples to split up along with the general lifestyle we now lead. However nothing for me can beat the security and love from a long marriage and therefore I take the bad times ride them out before they come good again.

Couples also need to take time out from the children to be a couple. I vowed that I would never be one of the couples I see in restaurants eating a meal not speaking, and became very conscious that a danger time is when the kids have grown up and you realise you have nothing to say to each other.

So we have purposely started created our own joint activities as the kids have neared adulthood so we are well prepared for the next chapter of our lives. I could cheerfully kill him at times though!

I have never had a desire in my marriage to seek birdseed



Just kidding I know you mean THRILL

And FWIW, I agree with your post 100%. It dismays me greatly when I see a couple at a dinner table, hardly speaking, if at all. On occasions, I want to throttle my DH, as he can be frustrating and does make me mad at times! But other days, he is great company and is a great friend as well as my husband.

We do lots of things together, and spend all day chatting one day and then keep ourselves to ourselves on other days, do individual hobbies, and speak very little! But it's always 'comfortable.' And we do communicate.

And I agree that you DO need time apart. I love DH, but if I didn't have time away from him and time to myself sometimes, I would go nuts.

And yes, you're right that if you DO seek someone else out, because you are disenchanted with your marriage; after the first flush of romance wears off; things will more than likely be no different.

BrassicWoman

because women have financial independence and no longer have to put up with c**p in order to keep a roof over their heads.

And long may it last.

prowla

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I have never had a desire in my marriage to seek birdseed

That was a cheep shot!