Why Are More Couples Splitting Up These Days?

Torry_Quine

I think that some people aren't always prepared to work at a relationship and think that if there are having difficulties then why not seperate. Apparently more people will change their partner/spouse than their bank account! This is not talking about domestic abuse or infidelity though.

Before a couple marry or move in together they should talk about how they expect things to be, obviously things can and do change but an idea of principles can help in the times ahead.

daisiegg

delain wrote: »

That certainly doesn't help!

The amount of married men looking for a shag that messaged me when I had FB was insane... and it's not like I'm/was even good looking or single? Maybe they thought I was scary looking enough to be desperate :eek: :eek:

Madness :rotfl:

Why would you have married men messaging you on FB? No one has ever messaged me on there other than the close friends and family I have on my friends list.

Tiddlywinks

We live in a throwaway society now... we are less used to making an effort.

Even some couples planning children freely admit they may not want to stay together for the long haul.

onlyroz

ARE more and more people splitting up? I don't know of any long-term couples of my own generation who have. I do know some couples in my mum's generation who split up after the kids left home...

Georgiegirl256

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

The reason I quoted your post was because it was the bottom one, thus easiest to quote.

Right, got you now. Here's a tip you may want to keep in mind, actually choose one that you actually want to quote and reply to rather than just picking one at random.

Big_Tree

People have no restraint anymore and the role of the Father has been destroyed by successive political parties.......

neverdespairgirl

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I'd say it's because nowadays a long sustaining marriage or relationship has become the exception rather than the rule. Read any tabloid newspaper and people are referred to as step-this and step-that, couples have a 'partner' not a husband or wife. There's no sense of permanence, so no role models for couples to aspire to.

I don't read tabloid newspapers, and I don't find that long-term relationships and marriages are the exception rather than the rule.

My parents are going to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary this year, with no divorces / step-parents etc in close relatives at all. The odd second marriage in my Dad's many cousins after the first ending in the death of one spouse. My Dad's brother has never married, my mother's brother will attend with his one and only ever wife, I'll be there with my two sons (and the father of them both, with whom I live happily). My never-married 3 siblings will also attend, with no children or exes among them.

Maybe you read the wrong things?

seven-day-weekend

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

I don't read tabloid newspapers, and I don't find that long-term relationships and marriages are the exception rather than the rule.

My parents are going to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary this year, with no divorces / step-parents etc in close relatives at all. The odd second marriage in my Dad's many cousins after the first ending in the death of one spouse. My Dad's brother has never married, my mother's brother will attend with his one and only ever wife, I'll be there with my two sons (and the father of them both, with whom I live happily). My never-married 3 siblings will also attend, with no children or exes among them.

Maybe you read the wrong things?

There are also no divorces in my family, although my husband's parents were divorced. He had a stepfather (whom he loved). His cousin has been married three times and has now called a truce with her third husband after beginning steps to divorce him.

In his parents' case the divorce was due to physical abuse and with his mother being a very difficult person to live with (she also made life difficult for her second husband). His cousin has similar traits. her husband asked me once if I knew why she was like this, I was only able to say that I didn't know, but both her mum and her aunt were the same. They seem to equate being nice to their husband and children with weakness .

My husband and I have been happily married for over forty years. I think the main reason (apart from loving each other) is being best friends and treating each other with respect. I say please and thankyou to my husband and would not dream of treating him disrespectfully. I listen to his conversations and he to mine. Also not giving up when times get tough, there will be tough times in any long relationship.

Another important thing is to be on the same page and pull in the same direction. This does not mean you have to be joined at the hip, you can have different interests and hobbies, but having the same outlook on life and the same goals.

Giving each other space as well is important. My husband and I both go on outings without the other sometimes, me with my friend and he on his motorbike. Occasionally we will stay overnight. We also do plenty of things together.

Sorry for the essay, I didn't intend the post to be so long.

catkins

onlyroz wrote: »

ARE more and more people splitting up? I don't know of any long-term couples of my own generation who have. I do know some couples in my mum's generation who split up after the kids left home...

I think I am right in saying that the divorce rate has gone up.


In my family divorce is fairly unusual (parents married over 60 year, brother over 30, sister over 30, myself over 30, 3 cousins all over 25 years - all first marriages) although 3 of my cousins are divorced (one twice and one three times). There are quite a lot of divorces in OH's family though and we have quite a lot of friends who are divorced.


Last year I got in touch with a group of people I used to work with over 15 years ago and was amazed how many of them have since divorced (some married and divorced in that time). Actually the ones since divorced far outnumbered the ones still married.

Morglin

anotheruser wrote: »

I'd like to hear your thoughts on why more couples are splitting up these days?

Here's some thoughts:

• Not bothering to get married to begin with?
  
• The hot discussion about having separate bank accounts?
  
• Kids having kids, father feels he has to stay but doesn't actually LOVE the mother?
  
• Lack of a faith, leading to promiscuity/lack of self-respect?
  
• Bank of Mum and Dad providing for their child through University so the student learns less about being responsible?
  
• Career driven women who don't start families until late, then feel they can't leave their career?
  
• Men who don't feel they are as responsible for providing for their family?
  
• Housing problem, leading to couples having children to get a bigger house, then when they are sorted, realising they were having children just to get a bigger house.

While I am sure nobody plans to get divorced or separated from their partner, I am sure a number of little things make it more likely than not.
There is no denying there are clear patterns, but what do you think is the main cause?

PLEASE AT LEAST *TRY* AND BE RESPECTFUL IN RESPONSES.

With regard to a female perspective, I would say, in part, because women feel they have more choices nowadays, than they perhaps had years ago.

More financial control, many have careers, and many, regardless of how many years they have been married, are no longer willing to settle for second best, if they have tired of the relationship.

To fe honest, if a relationship is dead, or abusive, it is better (kids or not) to end it - nothing us more soul destroying than a relationship dying on it's feet, and both parties just letting it happen, because they lack the drive to change their lives.

Or, one person clinging on, for grim death, even when the other person has made it clear they want out.

Obviously, though, each case is different.

Lin