Absurd financial demands from ex-fiancee

Mojisola

coolcait wrote: »

OP made at 12.18 pm, 14/4/14

Quoted post made at 12.42 pm, 14/4/14

Both links still accessible at the date and time this post is submitted.

And because coolcait has quoted the original post, the links are still there today.

Herongull

I have to say that this is one of the saddest threads I've seen in a while.

Why not act like a man rather than a baby?

Oh dear is the nasty ex-girl asking you to refund her for the furniture and car that she paid for and you are keeping after she had to move out due to your behaviour? Blub blub! Post your version of things on a forum to try to get sympathy and put pressure on her so that you only have a pay a fraction of the costs.

Grow up and take responsibility. Treat her fairly - as you would like to be treated if the situations were reversed.

If she really spent around £3,000 on furniture 3 years ago, then £500 is a derisory offer. The maximum you should be knocking off for depreciation is around 20%. When you insure your house contents, you wouldn't be happy if the insurance company was only prepared to pay a tiny fraction of what you paid in the event of loss. Insurers either pay new for old or else knock off a bit for wear and tear. They don't pay "ebay prices" which are essentially knockdown prices because people want to get rid of stuff they no longer need and will take whatever they can get.

In relation to the car, get a proper valuation.

If you treat her fairly then you have a better chance of an amicable split. Then you can both move on.

Get treatment for your problems and try to learn from this experience.

Richard__G

Herongull wrote: »

I have to say that this is one of the saddest threads I've seen in a while.

Why not act like a man rather than a baby?

Oh dear is the nasty ex-girl asking you to refund her for the furniture and car that she paid for and you are keeping after she had to move out due to your behaviour? Blub blub! Post your version of things on a forum to try to get sympathy and put pressure on her so that you only have a pay a fraction of the costs.

Grow up and take responsibility. Treat her fairly - as you would like to be treated if the situations were reversed.

If she really spent around £3,000 on furniture 3 years ago, then £500 is a derisory offer. The maximum you should be knocking off for depreciation is around 20%. When you insure your house contents, you wouldn't be happy if the insurance company was only prepared to pay a tiny fraction of what you paid in the event of loss. Insurers either pay new for old or else knock off a bit for wear and tear. They don't pay "ebay prices" which are essentially knockdown prices because people want to get rid of stuff they no longer need and will take whatever they can get.

In relation to the car, get a proper valuation.

If you treat her fairly then you have a better chance of an amicable split. Then you can both move on.

Get treatment for your problems and try to learn from this experience.

Again, drawing ludicrous conclusions.

Posting anything on here has nothing to do with putting pressure on her. She will never know it exists.

I have no idea if £500 is fair or not - I made it clear that this would be a negotiation. In any case, I see no comparison with an insurance company.

I had suggested that I would be happy to pay a few hundred quid a month for a long period of time, partially to pay her back for the car etc, but also to help her out. I also expect a couple of bonuses in June and September, and said that if she ever needed help she knows where to come.

The only reason that I have been forced to be firm and pay her only what I think is fair is that she threatened to approach my boss (which she ultimately did) and that she now insists on payment up front. I am not in a position to do that, I have no intention of jeopardising my relationship with my boss or my company, and she has no right to expect an advance payment.

Thanks for your input on my "problems" nonetheless.

bugslet

I don't know your boss or your company, but as a boss myself, if one of my drivers ex girlfriends/wife rang up, I'd politely but firmly tell her that it is nothing to do with me and frankly no interest either. It's nothing to do with your boss, even if she tries to make it so and I expect he will say the same. Business if tough enough without some disgruntled ex on the phone whinging about something that you have nothing to do with.

If she's looking for your boss to make a deduction from your earnings, he can't. It's not his position to judge what's fair.

really, I'd suggest she comes round and takes what she wants and call it quits. Not worth the hassle.

HPoirot

Richard_G I think from the tone of her missive it is pretty obvious that all is over and done with between you two. Why you would want to be paying her "if she ever needs help" in the future is beyond me but I sincerely hope it is not because you are pining for her and hope to win her back with this.

bugslet

Ah M Poirot, when did love ever make sense!:D

HPoirot

bugslet wrote: »

Ah M Poirot, when did love ever make sense!:D

Just thought I'd mention it as the OP seems to be on course to be taken for a mug by the ex!

heartbreak_star

Take all the stuff and drop it on her doorstep, and get the car finance in your name.

Good luck - sounds like you're well rid of her and her father.

HBS x

Richard__G

HPoirot wrote: »

Richard_G I think from the tone of her missive it is pretty obvious that all is over and done with between you two. Why you would want to be paying her "if she ever needs help" in the future is beyond me but I sincerely hope it is not because you are pining for her and hope to win her back with this.

No absolutely not - this was all several weeks ago.

Worth mentioning that her letter was an attachment to an email which was friendly and using pet names, saying she'd been thinking of me. So it came as quite a shock to open the attachment!

January20

Herongull wrote: »

In relation to the car, get a proper valuation.

.

I must be a bit dim today because I don't really understand this kind of advice. I've got a car on finance over 3 years and it doesn't matter how much the car is worth in 2 years time, the payments will be what was agreed on the contract for the term of the loan. I don't understand how MORALLY anybody could decide to keep a car that somebody else is paying for and not reimburse them fully for it! I don't think it matters whether she has need for it or not, OP, she is paying for something which benefits you daily.

I suppose it's a good lesson for your ex for being stupid enough to get car finance in her name for somebody else. I'm sure she won't make that mistake again.
Shame nobody advised her to keep a spare key.

I too find this thread very sad, but not because of what the OP posted, but from some of the replies.