Absurd financial demands from ex-fiancee

Richard__G

Hi,

My fiancee left me a few weeks ago. Terrible shock, but I was determined to win her back.

What she did last week, with the help of her cretinous father, has made sure I have no desire to be with her again. I received this:

The background is that when she moved into my flat three years ago, I was a bit skint and so we bought some new bits of furniture on her credit card. Then a year after that we bought a car, with the finance in her name. In actual fact the amount she paid me for bills and mortgage each month did compensate her for half the car repayments, but I don't bother going into that in my response, here:

Everybody I have spoken to has been utterly gobsmacked at her letter, and reassured me that my response is entirely fair. She hasn't even responded to it so far, and judging by her not replying to my telling her that our cat was going blind, I sense she's angry about it.

I'd appreciate it if people who don't know me could tell me that I'm doing nothing wrong here - both legally and morally?

Just to clarify that I am no sponger. I make double what she does and looked after her unbelievably well - every holiday, every evening out was paid for by me.

Thanks in advance.

Regards,
Richard

RAS

Try taking the first names out of the letters?

Richard__G

I thought about it, but I didn't think two fairly common first names were a big deal to be honest

Person_one

Ok, what did you do?

Its reasonable that you only pay second hand prices for these items, especially if you've both been using them for quite some time, but how have you come up with your estimates? Especially for the car. You could also work on being a bit more dispassionate in your writing style, your attempts to wind her up are fairly transparent and unhelpful. The engagement ring belongs to her.

I wouldn't leave those screenshots up if I were you. It won't help matters at all if she finds out you've shared them with all and sundry.

Richard__G

The car estimate is from a few different sources, but it's not an exact science. If she tells me that it's wrong, or that £500 isn't fair for the rest, I'd be happy to negotiate. Insisting on full retail price, and threatening contact with my employer in order to get it up front, is mad.

She was right to leave me - I drank a bit too much and didn't spend enough time with her. But the shock of it has already made me a far better person, so it's disappointing for her to want to go down this road. Actually she said "I can't believe you're spending money on therapy when you owe me thousands." Charming

BitterAndTwisted

If the car was bought in her name who has possession of it now? Tell her that she's welcome to come back and collect her furniture any time she likes but you won't be paying her for any of it as in turn you paid for holidays and meals out at a total cost far in excess of what she might have paid for those.

Person_one

Neither of you are looking great at the moment, to be honest.

Richard__G

I have the car, and it's registered with the DVLA in my name. She doesn't need a car and couldn't afford to run it.

I could indeed tell her to come and get the stuff, and I will if I have to. But again it's stuff she doesn't need so it would just be unnecessary heartache for both of us. Paying a fair value is the sensible approach, if she lets me.

Person_one, just to point out that I was determined to make this a break up that didn't burn any bridges - I was heartbroken and wanted to win her back. I was friendly to the extent that everybody was telling me I was being drippy! She's driven me to this point.

ViolaLass

Wouldn't it have been easier to just ignore her letter?

egoode

As hard as it is you need to take the emotion out of any messages you send regarding money. I agree for the furniture a second hand price for those items is all she can really expect.

For the car it's a bit more complicated you say the car finance is in her name does that mean the car is also registered in her name only or is your name also registered on it? If it's all in her name then really she owns the car and either sell it to someone else, keep it herself or offer to sell it to you. If it is in her name only you won't have much bargaining power.

I also agree with Person_One you should take down the actual letters and just post the relevant details about what she is claiming.

Richard__G

She threatened me that she would contact my boss without my permission if I didn't respond. So I wanted to head it off. In the end I showed my boss anyway admittedly.

And there are things to resolve. The car means a lot to me and I'd like to keep it.