Absurd financial demands from ex-fiancee

Takeaway_Addict

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I still think its washing dirty line in public but there we go

As far as the finance company is concerned,if you do agree to pay her a lump sum then what I would recommend is that she gets a settlement figure and you bacs over the amount to the finance company quoting the agreement number yourself.If you agree to give her a higher figure then you can pay her the difference

You may want to have a written agreement whereby she is obliged to give you a copy of the letter that the finance company will send her saying that they now have no longer have a financial interest in the vehicle.

Isn't that the same as every one does on here asking for help then?

OP stop being soft and start playing some hardball. Tell her your final offer and if she doesn't like it let her take you to court. I'd be surprised if she did.

Edit: I take it back, I have just read your reply and its brilliant! Though I would suggest the less communication the better. I presume she doesn't have keys to the house anymore? If so change the locks so she can't just come in and take some items.

NinjaSavingKat

Richard__G wrote: »

I have no desire to have the ring back in reality - in fact I wanted her to keep it in case we got back together - and I know I have no legal case to ask for it.

Are you still wanting her back now? Nope.. obviously the ring will be classed as hers but like you said why on earth would any woman want it following the break down of a relationship. My suggestion in getting it back is purely for your financial benefit and to be honest she has no legal right to your furniture does she? Like for like..

Perhaps as was suggested by another poster to deduct the price of the ring from what she seems to think you owe her... and tell her that when you next have to contact her ( after her rebuttal of your payment suggestion no doubt )..

And yes as the above poster states your response was very good but time for a little hard ball now. She's not pi**ing about with Daddy helping out so why are you..

Good luck....

jjj1980

Op, I really do feel for you. After splitting with my now ex-husband due to the domestic abuse I suffered from him, he then tried to carry his behaviour on by demanding half of the wedding gifts, half of everything bought between us, anything bought by his family and friends and half of everything bought via the gift vouchers we got as engagement presents. I was so sick of him that I did exactly as he asked to prove a point - split a 24 piece dinner set into 2 12 piece sets, pairs of glasses into singles, etc. I even packaged EVERYTHING bought with gift vouchers and told him he could have them.

Petty, maybe but the look on his face when he saw was priceless. Turned out he had only asked to try and upset me and when it obviously hadn't worked, he took a couple of empty picture frames bought by his family and a display unit. He then tried during the divorce to claim the value of the rest of the stuff but as I could prove from texts and pictures that I had done as he asked but that he had refused to take the stuff, the solicitors and judge dismissed his claim.

Might be worth calling her bluff and giving a time and date for her to come pick the stuff up, which will be already boxed ready to go. As hard as it might sound, it's not your problem or concern whether she has storage space/can afford to run the car etc.

coolcait

Richard__G wrote: »

Hi,

My fiancee left me a few weeks ago. Terrible shock, but I was determined to win her back.

What she did last week, with the help of her cretinous father, has made sure I have no desire to be with her again. I received this:

The background is that when she moved into my flat three years ago, I was a bit skint and so we bought some new bits of furniture on her credit card. Then a year after that we bought a car, with the finance in her name. In actual fact the amount she paid me for bills and mortgage each month did compensate her for half the car repayments, but I don't bother going into that in my response, here:

Everybody I have spoken to has been utterly gobsmacked at her letter, and reassured me that my response is entirely fair. She hasn't even responded to it so far, and judging by her not replying to my telling her that our cat was going blind, I sense she's angry about it.

I'd appreciate it if people who don't know me could tell me that I'm doing nothing wrong here - both legally and morally?

Just to clarify that I am no sponger. I make double what she does and looked after her unbelievably well - every holiday, every evening out was paid for by me.

Thanks in advance.

Regards,
Richard

Suspending my disbelief about this thread, I would make the following comments:

Your ex paid her share of the bills and mortgage.

She alone paid for the 'new bits of furniture' on her credit card. She alone will be left to pay any outstanding debt for that.

She alone paid for the car which you drive. She alone will be left to pay any outstanding debt for that.

You, despite the fact that you "earn double what she does" were either unable or unwilling to pay for these things - although you remain willing to enjoy exclusive use of them.

That seems like the behaviour of a 'sponger' to me. Posting your 'private' communications on the internet seems like the behaviour of a 'cad'.

BigAunty

Personally, I think it is highly unnecessary to have posted those links which contain actual comms between you and make you both identifiable.

I can't help thinking that part of the reason you've done this less than anonymous act is in the hope that she, her family, colleagues or friends discover you've posted private and sensitive information that could humiliate her in the public domain or to enjoy a sense of getting one over on her in public without her knowledge.

99.9% of posters using MSE to outline their money, employment, housing or relationship problems would never give the first name of the concerned party, such as their ex, their boss or landlord, nor post large direct extracts from personal emails.

You've indicated on this thread that you had credit problems, drank too much and have emotional problems that require therapy. You've posted bitter remonstrations and highly personal information about your situation. However, apparently you are a catch? How does that work?

Having a broken heart is a painful thing but you are coming over as extremely immature.

I think you should delete the whole thread out of respect for your former partner and as an act of self respect.

coolcait

Richard__G wrote: »

I'll take the letters down shortly - having them up for an hour or so won't do much harm

OP made at 12.18 pm, 14/4/14

Quoted post made at 12.42 pm, 14/4/14

Both links still accessible at the date and time this post is submitted.

They have been "up" for rather more than "an hour or so". Which would increase the potential for "harm".

Seanymph

I had an ex who liked to come back to the house and demand things - I put everything he could possibly want into a van, took it to his parents, and started unloading it on their drive.

He arrived furious.

He didn't want 'stuff', he wanted to be able to come around and demand things. I also changed the locks.

I would rather have been left sleeping on the floor with the kids than suffer one more interaction with the idiot.

This is just stuff - and money. And in 5 years time it won't matter a jot.

What is getting in the way of sorting it is pride (yours).

If she lists all that stuff at that money tell her lovely, you'll drop it all off saturday, including the car, and she can pay you the same amount.

And do it- drop the wretched stuff off, right off the money, and get on with your life.

It's too short buddy, honestly.

bugslet

supersaver2 wrote: »

At a guess she wants money deducting from wages, hence the need to discuss with the op's boss!

As a boss, if anyone's girlfriend came on to me, they'd be told that it's a private affair, not a business problem.

Finst wrote: »

The only piece of advice I can give is,think of it this way - how much would you pay to not have to deal with her ever again? When you look at it that way, it''l seem cheap at twice the price
!

Yep, I'd get her to come and take everything.

lazer wrote: »

I wouldn't be giving her a penny tbh (Except maybe for the car)

I would be presenting her with a counter bill for
Holidays
Nights out
Food
Petrol (of you paid it)

Basically anything i could think of

I wouldn't do that, it just brings it down to the same level, but I would point out that holidays/ nights out whilst not tangible were a significant part of your input.

Need to take down the links though.

Richard__G

BigAunty wrote: »

Personally, I think it is highly unnecessary to have posted those links which contain actual comms between you and make you both identifiable.

I can't help thinking that part of the reason you've done this less than anonymous act is in the hope that she, her family, colleagues or friends discover you've posted private and sensitive information that could humiliate her in the public domain or to enjoy a sense of getting one over on her in public without her knowledge.

99.9% of posters using MSE to outline their money, employment, housing or relationship problems would never give the first name of the concerned party, such as their ex, their boss or landlord, nor post large direct extracts from personal emails.

You've indicated on this thread that you had credit problems, drank too much and have emotional problems that require therapy. You've posted bitter remonstrations and highly personal information about your situation. However, apparently you are a catch? How does that work?

Having a broken heart is a painful thing but you are coming over as extremely immature.

I think you should delete the whole thread out of respect for your former partner and as an act of self respect.

You've inferred an awful lot about me from a few snippets of personal information, which were posted purely to provide context.

I do not have a drinking problem, I was extremely generous with money and am entirely self sufficient (I'm not sure this website is for you if you feel it's fair to criticise someone for a few missed credit card payments in their twenties). And it's terribly open minded of you to draw conclusions about my "emotional problems" from the fact that I'm embarking on a short course on CBT. How utterly screwed up must I be eh?

They are two enormously common first names, and nothing else personal is revealed in the letters. I work in the world of odds and probability, and the chances of her, her family or anybody she knows stumbling across this thread are negligible to the point of being entirely insignificant.

Richard__G

coolcait wrote: »

Suspending my disbelief about this thread, I would make the following comments:

Your ex paid her share of the bills and mortgage.

She alone paid for the 'new bits of furniture' on her credit card. She alone will be left to pay any outstanding debt for that.

She alone paid for the car which you drive. She alone will be left to pay any outstanding debt for that.

You, despite the fact that you "earn double what she does" were either unable or unwilling to pay for these things - although you remain willing to enjoy exclusive use of them.

That seems like the behaviour of a 'sponger' to me. Posting your 'private' communications on the internet seems like the behaviour of a 'cad'.

I paid for every holiday and meal, and these were rarely anything other than extravagant. After the first bout of spending when she first moved in, I paid for every other item of furniture, kitchen equipment, unexpected bills, fines, car repair bills etc over the course of three years. I would give her money for a night out whenever she couldn't afford it.