Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

quidsy

A mate of mine got motivated to lose weight cause her husband said he would pay her 100 quid for every stone she lost. Not very MSE but she lost 3.5 stone & bought a new wardrobe with the money.

Mirno

I posted on that thread and there were some quite strong differences of opinion there.

This thread, post #2 is mildly helpful, #3 not bad, from that point on people lay in to the OP.

The other thread:
Post #2 helpful
Post #4 suggests "scaring him" into action
Post #5 repeats the "scaring him" option.
6 & 7 offer advice
8 suggests it might be depression.
#15 says "Just buy more life insurance, and explain to him why."

It's not until post #26 that anyone suggests that the OP on that thread was wrong, and that's the rather more mildly put
"Its a very sensitive subject telling people to losd weight. Be careful he dosent come back at you and find fault with you."

I don't doubt that there was some criticism on that thread, but that's no excuse for the response this thread got relative to the other. I'd like to suggest that some of the posters on this thread take a look at their responses, and ask themselves if it's really justified. Then they should probably look up "Cognitive Dissonance".

Mirno

thorsoak

Gra76 wrote: »

If I'd have known I'd be spending half my day trying to justify why I'm trying to help the missus out I'd not have bothered. For the record I've called her 'the missus' that ever since we got married, she calls me 'bloke', neither are 'derogatory terms' so I don't know where that's come from.

Well had you explained that they are terms of endearment in your household, maybe I wouldn't be raising my eyebrows so high!

supersaver2

thorsoak wrote: »

Well had you explained that they are terms of endearment in your household, maybe I wouldn't be raising my eyebrows so high!

Give the poor guy break loads of people use 'missus' or 'hubby' as terms of endearment, really don't think that needed explaining.

74jax

pinkteapot wrote: »

Nagging her about it won't help - all you'll do is damage her self-esteem. She needs to feel positive and determined.

fireyfirenze wrote: »

. the swimming costume thing is one of the meanest things iv heard for a while.

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

OMG. Talk about humiliating someone!

I must be in the minority as I love my hubby doing this and don't see it as humiliating or mean.

I broke my foot last year, put on weight, lost it and then got married. Then for 'some' reason decided to stop going the gym...... 6 months on I'm STILL trying to get back to the weight I was when I got married.

Hubby will look at me when I'm snacking on a bikki and say 'you sure'? or 'you won't lose weight that way' and he's right. I can either say 'don't care'! and eat it anyway or put the bikki back.

He's my husband, we have the relationship where he can really say what he likes, I don't honestly see it as critical. But again I would say the same to him, so it works both ways.

Gloomendoom

74jax wrote: »

I must be in the minority as I love my hubby doing this and don't see it as humiliating or mean.

I broke my foot last year, put on weight, lost it and then got married. Then for 'some' reason decided to stop going the gym...... 6 months on I'm STILL trying to get back to the weight I was when I got married.

Hubby will look at me when I'm snacking on a bikki and say 'you sure'? or 'you won't lose weight that way' and he's right. I can either say 'don't care'! and eat it anyway or put the bikki back.

He's my husband, we have the relationship where he can really say what he likes, I don't honestly see it as critical. But again I would say the same to him, so it works both ways.

We do it too. As a result neither of us are any heavier than when we married.

74jax

Gloomendoom wrote: »

We do it too. As a result neither of us are any heavier than when we married.

ooooo my idol! I WILL get back down to my wedding day weight, and for the hassle it has taken me there's no way it will go up again :j

Hubby is an athlete so can eat what he wants when he wants, it's sooooooo annoying, one day i'll be like that :rotfl:

Gloomendoom

74jax wrote: »

ooooo my idol! I WILL get back down to my wedding day weight, and for the hassle it has taken me there's no way it will go up again :j

That's the way we look at it. Both of us were heavier before we got together and we don't want the weight to creep back up again.

Hubby is an athlete so can eat what he wants when he wants, it's sooooooo annoying, one day i'll be like that :rotfl:

Unfortunately, I'm not and never have been.

victory

Gra76 wrote: »

If I'd have known I'd be spending half my day trying to justify why I'm trying to help the missus out I'd not have bothered. For the record I've called her 'the missus' that ever since we got married, she calls me 'bloke', neither are 'derogatory terms' so I don't know where that's come from.

Next time I feel the need to post anything like this I'll post is as a female and bask in unequivocal support, limitless positive suggestions and multiple posters who will quite happily turn the tables on the male populace... I've no doubt that had I posted this as a woman saying it was my husband then there would have been plenty of namecalling aimed at the husband and zero at the wife. Turn it the other way and all of a sudden I'm the bad man for trying to help her when she asks for it. The double standards displayed dependant upon the sex of the OP is astounding. :rotfl:

There has been some real harsh threads on here of late, some severe replies and extreme opinions, this is not one of them, this is positively mild to what the replies could have been with your opening post.

You could have handled the situation better, there is no doubt, your wife will know about her weight, she doesn't need you to help her ' try on a swimsuit' to be aware.

AbbieCadabra

Gra76 wrote: »

snip...

Am I right in thinking I shouldn't be pushing it any more? It seems the more I mention it the less she wants to do it. I know she can do it if she really wants to as she managed to lose 50+ lbs for our wedding (nearly 11 years ago) but has slowly been piling it back on ever since.

Maybe she just doesn't want to lose the weight?

can i just highlight this from the OP.

i did that too, lost a lot, then gradually put it back on. this, & the fact she's 'secret' snacking, just screams denial to me & she's categorically not in the right frame of mind to do anything about her weight at the moment.

i/she obviously knows what you have to do to lose weight, we managed it before.

it's only just smacked me in the face that i could well be subconsciously self-sabotaging my attempts to lose weight now as i'm so scared of failure, just like last time. "why bother, you'll only go & put it back on again", "you're fighting a losing battle", & with that, you then open up the self-worth can of worms...

this subject is huge, absolutely no pun intended. i can only say again, through my own experience, it's all in the mind, really.