Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

fannyanna

I only read the first few posts but perhaps someone has already said what I'm about to say......

A man posts about how his partner is overweight and what can he do about it. He's a bad person.

A woman posts (about 1 month ago) about how her partner is overweight and what she can do about it. Funnily enough no one tells her she's a bad person.

Double standards?

tesuhoha

I will give you a bit of practical advice.

Have a word with your wife and tell her to stop the secret eating. Say to her that it is okay for her to eat chocolate and takeaways in front of you. Tell her that everything she eats is acceptable, even a huge binge but the rule from now on is that if she wants a packet of biscuits or a massive tub of ice cream, no matter what it is she has to sit at the table with a plate and cutlery and a napkin/serviette and make a proper meal of it. Tell her she can eat what she likes but no more secret eating and hiding wrappers, no secret stashes. If its worth eating, its worth sitting at the table for in full view of anyone around.

Let her eat what she wants without criticism. Tell her to stop dieting. This behaviour sounds like a binge response to dieting and restriction. Tell her not to feel guilty about what she is eating and instead of making her eat lettuce leaves cook her a wholesome filling meal. Ask her what she really wants. If she wants a takeaway then let her have one. You don't have to join in, you could buy her a single chinese pack from a supermarket. Leave the bloody biscuits and other goodies in the cupboard on full display (but keep the cupboard door shut). Remember no food in the world is too fattening unless you eat too much of it. If she wants biscuits, cake and chocolate then include them in the weekly shop. This way, they become nothing special.

By restricting certain foods you are making them all the more desirable. Its no wonder she is craving biscuits and chinese takeaway if they are strictly forbidden. If someone knows that they can eat what they want whenever they want then the unnatural craving goes away. You might still fancy a biscuit, but can stop at one or two.

Really she needs to relearn eating when she is hungry. It is the natural way of eating. If she eats what she fancies when she is hungry then the bingeing will stop. I heard on the radio that the body reacts to dieting eventually and you stop losing weight. The only sensible way to do it is to eat when you are hungry, stop when satisfied.

Take your wife out and buy her a lovely black flattering swimsuit with support in a size that fits. Help her choose some lovely flattering new clothes in the right size and tell her how beautiful she is. If she says she is fat and asks how to lose weight tell her you are happy with her as she is and you will support her whatever she decides to do but dieting is not the way.

Some people are able to restrict calories and lose weight without bringing emotion and comfort into it but a lot of people have trouble with it.

paulineb_2

fannyanna wrote: »

I only read the first few posts but perhaps someone has already said what I'm about to say......

A man posts about how his partner is overweight and what can he do about it. He's a bad person.

A woman posts (about 1 month ago) about how her partner is overweight and what she can do about it. Funnily enough no one tells her she's a bad person.

Double standards?

I dont see many people saying the words bad person.

paulineb_2

Im sure someone posted earlier on in the thread about her getting some counselling. I think when someone is at the stage where they are buying and eating junk food in secret, there's far more going on than them just being overweight. Telling someone to stop eating in secret isn't necessarily going to have the desired effect. Emotions and food often go hand in hand for some people. Im fed up, I'll over eat. Im bored, I'll over eat. We've had a row, I'll over eat. To the point where anything negative that happens in their life, they overeat.

She could go on all the calorie controlled diets in the world but until she gets some understanding as to why she's overeating, what makes her turn to food when certain things happen, it will just pile on again. Id also suggest that someone who is secret eating probably has very low self esteem and confidence and its that that makes it a really bad idea to say, get your swimming costume on and then when she asks what she looks like the response is "what do you think".

Tread very carefully. The first person Id be suggesting she speaks to is her GP so that she can be referred for some counselling as well as to a nutritionist if she feels thats necessary.

Primrose

I'm a woman and I can't for the life of me understand why fellow members of my sex are berating this man for being in despair about his wife not making any effort to lose weight.
Why shouldn't a man want to feel proud of his wife and also be concerned about the huge risk all her excess weight is having on her heslth (or vice versa?). Of course she won't like being reminded she is overweight but that's her concern. Sometimes we all need to be nagged a little when we can't find the motivation to do something we are procrastinating about. What would you all prefer the poor chap to do? Stare at her coffin when she's died of a stroke or heat attack? Or have to spend the rest of his life living with somebody who's developed Diabetes2 ?

NYGiants

If she needs to lose a good 5-6 stone she must look a right mess; have you thought about packing her in for a younger, less morbidly obese model?

paulineb_2

Primrose wrote: »

I'm a woman and I can't for the life of me understand why fellow members of my sex are berating this man for being in despair about his wife not making any effort to lose weight.
Why shouldn't a man want to feel proud of his wife and also be concerned about the huge risk all her excess weight is having on her heslth (or vice versa?). Of course she won't like being reminded she is overweight but that's her concern. Sometimes we all need to be nagged a little when we can't find the motivation to do something we are procrastinating about. What would you all prefer the poor chap to do? Stare at her coffin when she's died of a stroke or heat attack? Or have to spend the rest of his life living with somebody who's developed Diabetes2 ?

Motivation has to come from within. He could ask her to parade up and down in bikinis every night of the week. Unless she wants to change her life, she won't. He can support her, but she has to do it.

tesuhoha

paulineb wrote: »

Im sure someone posted earlier on in the thread about her getting some counselling. I think when someone is at the stage where they are buying and eating junk food in secret, there's far more going on than them just being overweight. Telling someone to stop eating in secret isn't necessarily going to have the desired effect. Emotions and food often go hand in hand for some people. Im fed up, I'll over eat. Im bored, I'll over eat. We've had a row, I'll over eat. To the point where anything negative that happens in their life, they overeat.

She could go on all the calorie controlled diets in the world but until she gets some understanding as to why she's overeating, what makes her turn to food when certain things happen, it will just pile on again. Id also suggest that someone who is secret eating probably has very low self esteem and confidence and its that that makes it a really bad idea to say, get your swimming costume on and then when she asks what she looks like the response is "what do you think".

Tread very carefully. The first person Id be suggesting she speaks to is her GP so that she can be referred for some counselling as well as to a nutritionist if she feels thats necessary.

Actually, I disagree to some extent. Bringing the eating out into the open takes away a lot of the shame and guilt. The lady was denied a takeaway and was found later eating secretly. This says to me that she wants the food that is denied to her but feels guilty and ashamed of eating in front of her husband.

I can't see that eating openly without the need to hide her cravings will do anything but good. She needs to calm down and relax around food.

heartbreak_star

Of course she feels guilty and ashamed.

Gra76, I actually think you do have the best of intentions...but she's not going to stop eating secretly because she thinks she'll get berated if you know she is eating.

I'd second a GP visit, because secret eating - and in fact a lot of food issues - boil down to mental health. Does she have anything else going on in her life? Does she have things to look forward to that aren't food-related?

HBS x

paulineb_2

tesuhoha wrote: »

Actually, I disagree to some extent. Bringing the eating out into the open takes away a lot of the shame and guilt. The lady was denied a takeaway and was found later eating secretly. This says to me that she wants the food that is denied to her but feels guilty and ashamed of eating in front of her husband.

I can't see that eating openly without the need to hide her cravings will do anything but good. She needs to calm down and relax around food.

What I mean is. It may not be that easy to stop eating in secret. Particularly if it's been going on for quite some time.