Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

outtawork

18 months ago l had a stroke, l weighed 19st. l have now lost 5 st & although l have reached a platou at 14st, l feel much better now.My blood pressure is also lower.

paulineb_2

Everyone has a story, we dont know what people's story is when we see someone in the street who is overweight. Some people struggle to eat in times of stress. Other people turn to food. Someone could have been bereaved, ill, have had a history of abuse, medical issues.

Someone who might look as if they are greedy or lazy could be suffering from depression. We all cope with whatever life throws us in different ways and just because there are some people who never put more than a couple of pounds on in their adult lives, its clear that millions of people arent like that. Given the amount of people who sign up to slimming clubs, some who return again and again, losing and gaining weight.

System

paulineb wrote: »

Everyone has a story, we dont know what people's story is when we see someone in the street who is overweight. Some people struggle to eat in times of stress. Other people turn to food. Someone could have been bereaved, ill, have had a history of abuse, medical issues.

Someone who might look as if they are greedy or lazy could be suffering from depression. We all cope with whatever life throws us in different ways and just because there are some people who never put more than a couple of pounds on in their adult lives, its clear that millions of people arent like that. Given the amount of people who sign up to slimming clubs, some who return again and again, losing and gaining weight.

It's very easy to judge someone who is overweight

If Someone looked at me they'd probably just think oh there's another fat lazy cow

But they don't know that I've had issues with eating my whole life. That I was bullied for my siZe in school and starved myself to lose weight. That I have bipolar and piled on the pounds when I started medication or that I binge ate because I was depressed. They don't know that when I was depressed I found it incredibly hard to exercise, or that my weight has made me so ashamed I've self harmed over it (to the extent that I now have the words fat !!!!! scarred on my leg). They don't know that I'm trying my hardest to turn my life around, that I'm eating better and exercising and am doing a 5k race for life in June.

All they see is that I'm fat

rach_k

I think you should probably just stop bringing it up. If she mentions it, tell her you love her and will love her whatever she looks like and however much she weighs and that if she wants practical help you will do whatever you can and support her, but she has to ask for it. You offering help she hasn't asked for won't do any good.

However, something that might help her, if she asks, is first to work out how many calories she should eat to maintain her weight and try that for a while. It's a big jump to go from eating enough to gain weight to suddenly eating enough to lose weight. If she ate what she should be eating for a month (or longer if necessary), it will at least stop her gaining weight and when she does decide to diet it won't be such a shock to the system! I recently did this - I ate what I should be eating until it became my new normal and it was quite a shock to see how much I'd been over-eating. Now I'm dieting and it's going quite well, but doesn't feel too bad to eat less.

Poppops

Person_one wrote: »

Have you considered finding another overweight woman, maybe the wife of a friend, and having them chase each other or fight gladiator-style until they're both fit and slim?

There's always the 'secret liposuction' option too. You tell your wife you're taking her to a spa to make up for your insensitive comments, then when she's nice and relaxed just slide that anaesthetic needle in and get to work.

I'll tell you what my ex boyfriend used to do, he would buy me clothes that were 1-2 sizes too small and then plead with me to wear them on nights out/romantic evenings. I lost about 11 stone (and a lovely flat which was a shame) as a result of that.

Hands down the funniest post I've read on this forum. :rotfl:

FBaby

paulineb wrote: »

Motivation has to come from within. He could ask her to parade up and down in bikinis every night of the week. Unless she wants to change her life, she won't. He can support her, but she has to do it.

But wanting to do something to reassure your partner that you are happy and healthy should be a motivation in itself. Sometimes it takes words for motivation to come within.

I know that my partner saying something to me about myself is a great motivator because I totally trust his judgement. I know he wouldn't say something about my weight to hurt my feelings or humiliate me but because after doing nothing about it for some time, I might need a bit of an awareness push to get motivated.

Tink2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

And as to those of you who say "it's a choice to eat things"...if your mind is in that bad a place, it isn't.

You do choose what to put in your mouth

chocdonuty wrote: »

I'll tell you what works for me, I'm not at an ideal weight yet but have lost 4 stone over a longer period and it's stayed off for going on a year now.
Forget diets! No big changes, eat how you would normally but making small changes for the better such as - smaller portions, grill rather than frying, less snacking, brown bread for white, fill up on veg and meat rather than carbs,
doesn't have to be overnight but gradual changes so that it becomes normal to eat this way rather than a massive change that she rebels against or slips back into the old routine.
Don't buy biscuits, cakes, chocolate, crisps ect except occasionally and only then a single portion rather than a multipack ect, really simple but if it's not there you can't eat it, you will have to go without too
Find a gym or exercise she likes, I go to gymaphobics which although tends to be pricier it's close to work, only takes half an hour so easy to fit in around life and work, you get a load more support and motivation from these places too than normal gyms.

Hope this helps, I can see where you're coming from but maybe not the best way to go about it

I agree with you, would like to point out though that veg are carbs

And I would like to add, there's no need to cut anything out really, you just need to cut down

As for exercise how about something fun like the wii? You can both do it and it's fun

pinkshoes

I think it's nice the op cares enough to want to help his wife lose weight.

Here's some suggestions:

1. Go on long walks together.

2. Do the food shop online so you can monitor exactly what is bought e.g. no junk food! If there isn't junk in the house, she can't eat it.

3.check house for hidden stashes.


Being so overweight is a massive stess on your organs, so why would anyone not help their partner lose weight if they loved them?

Tink2

pinkshoes wrote: »

Being so overweight is a massive stess on your organs, so why would anyone not help their partner lose weight if they loved them?

Why would a partner push it on their partner when they aren't ready?

It will not work unless she's ready to do it and she's clearly not ready yet

mountainofdebt

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think it's nice the op cares enough to want to help his wife lose weight.

Here's some suggestions:

1. Go on long walks together.

2. Do the food shop online so you can monitor exactly what is bought e.g. no junk food! If there isn't junk in the house, she can't eat it.

3.check house for hidden stashes.


Being so overweight is a massive stess on your organs, so why would anyone not help their partner lose weight if they loved them?

There are ways and means of doing this - and the OP's approach was totally and utterly wrong