Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

lostinrates

Mylo_The_Moggy wrote: »

That's a very cruel thing to do in my opinion. Sorry if that offends you but some of us women are quite sensitive when it comes the weight issue.
I don't wonder ppl develop eating disorders in this day & age as society seems to push weight loss in our faces 24/7.
If your wife wants to loose weight, she will do it for herself & not anyone else.

It's a good job this forum is anonymous as you would find yourself in the dog house. You certainly would in my house, that's for sure![/QUOT


Fwiw, I am guessing op's wife knows who op is and anonymity here won't have helped that communication style's reception.

mountainofdebt

NYGiants wrote: »

Someone 5-6 stones overweight has a trait of being either greedy or lazy, or both; traits which I don't want in a partner.

Why should he settle for second best?

Ok I'm about 4 stone over weight but if you called me greedy or lazy to my face you'd need intensive care for a long time - and I'm known for my tolerance levels.

I don't eat any more than the average person and I'm walking at least 50 miles a week as I'm entering the London 2 Brighton challenge in May - what I probably do eat is the wrong sort of food as I absolutely adore bread.

As for the OP settling for second best, why should his wife settle for someone who makes her feel like a worthless piece of ****???

fawd1

Person_one wrote: »

She doesn't really want your advice. Everybody knows how to lose weight if they really want to. She wants you to be kind, to reassure her that you love her and think she's beautiful whatever her size. Try doing that instead.

As an overweight woman, I can confirm this is not true. I am neither blind, nor stupid, nor gullible. Neither, I would imagine is the OPs partner. When I tell my husband I want to lose weight, it's because he's my best friend, and I need someone to talk to. I know he loves me, I know he is attracted to me, but I also know he was more attracted to me when I was slimmer. I actually find it helpful when he reminds me that I was hoping to lose some weight when he sees me eating rubbish.

ripplyuk

I moan to my partner that I'd like to lose weight all the time, but I can't imagine him agreeing with me! I think a lot of women do this when they're just looking for a bit of reassurance, even though they may have no intention of actually going on a diet and/or do not even need to.

OP, when your wife complains that she feels overweight, tell her she looks beautiful.

paulineb_2

FBaby wrote: »

But wanting to do something to reassure your partner that you are happy and healthy should be a motivation in itself. Sometimes it takes words for motivation to come within.

I know that my partner saying something to me about myself is a great motivator because I totally trust his judgement. I know he wouldn't say something about my weight to hurt my feelings or humiliate me but because after doing nothing about it for some time, I might need a bit of an awareness push to get motivated.

That might hold true for some people, but not others. His words arent working. Shes had several attempts at slimming clubs, buys dvds and doesnt use them, eats in secret and is 5 stones overweight.

Losing weight to reassure your partner that you are healthy and happy will not work for everyone.

Saying something should be, doesnt mean it will be. When I put a lot of weight on (twice), within the last 7 years, at times I was so low I couldnt have contemplated setting foot inside a gym. In fact for two years I didnt. I lost confidence. And yes a simple solution to that is to move more and eat better but sometimes you dont see that, you just carry on doing what you are doing, feeling terrible about yourself.

The last time I put weight on which was the end of 2012, I had had a really awful year in more ways than one. I knew I was bigger than I wanted to be. I wasnt in denial. It took me 6 months to do something about it and when I did, I didnt do it half heartedly. I cleaned up my diet and Ive been training for the best part of a year now.

Just because someone has a partner doesnt mean they will always have the motivation to get weight off (Im talking about the OP's wife)

If it were that simple, no one would ever be overweight, in the short or long term.

And a push, isnt asking someone to put their costume on when you know they feel terrible about their weight, the OP knows he called that one wrong, it really wasnt the best idea.

paulineb_2

Tink2 wrote: »

You do choose what to put in your mouth



I agree with you, would like to point out though that veg are carbs

And I would like to add, there's no need to cut anything out really, you just need to cut down

As for exercise how about something fun like the wii? You can both do it and it's fun

Cutting down will work for some people and not others.

Tink2

paulineb wrote: »

Cutting down will work for some people and not others.

True, same as cutting out junk will work for some but not others

It's up to OPs girlfriend to decide what works for her not for OP to decide for her

justme111

Show her you love her. Make her feel good about herself. Make love to her wholeheartedly. Compliment her . Be proud of her. Every one of us has something for husband/wife to be proud about. Sure she does as well. Value her. When she is happy in her skin she will have strength to get better , she will not have to resort to comfort eating and will come up with solutions that will work for her.

wapow

Mate if she doesn't wanna move her flabby belly to go do something about herself and wishes to destroy herself along with bring down those around her who care for her then is she worth your time? ditch it and move on.
She'll probably lose weight in the depression then you can combat her depression by coming back and jobs a good un.

stardoman

FBaby wrote: »

So if he was worried about your health or somehow didn't find you as attractive you would rather that he pretend he did and his true feelings to be ignored just because you would feel rubbish by his honestly? I told my husband soon after we met that there was no truth more hurtful than deceit. I can cope with anything he feels because at least I then have a choice to make a change or not. Thinking that he could feel himself rubbish just so that I don't wouldn't make me feel better. Of course there are then ways to say things.

I think our marriage is about more than looks. I hope so at least. Should he moan because I now have wrinkles and tell me to look in the mirror so I can see what everyone else does? Should he tell me that I've now got grey hairs so should start dying them? Or perhaps he should mention how horrible my stomach looks since I had 3 children and its now covered in stretch marks? (That would look great if he got me to try a bikini!!!)

On the other hand, should I point out his thinning hair, or mention his middle age spread?

Some things don't need to be said. What good will it do?

I would hope, that after 20 years of marriage and 3 children that we are about much more than looks. And what is the point in highlighting all the areas of our bodies which are starting to go south and spread out?

I love him and find him attractive and he makes me feel attractive too. I feel safe with him and secure. I would not feel like that if he pointed out my flaws no matter what his intentions were.