Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

paulineb_2

Morglin wrote: »

Losing weight needn't get so complicated, it really just is a case of taking in less calories than you are burning off.

I can't exercise much (disabled) and the hospital remarked I was getting a bit lardy at a routine check up (DH hadn't said a word, but I knew I had anyway), so I just signed up for WW online, got the app, stuck to the pro-points thing, and lost about 4lbs a week, til I got where I needed to be.

Luckily, I love fruit, veg, and salad, and hate chocolate, so it wasn't that bad.

My reason for gaining weight was too many things like peanuts, too many glasses of wine socially - all lethal where weight is concerned.:eek:

No excuses - it was all down to me. :eek:

I don't seriously know where all this emotion and stuff comes into it - either lose the weight or stay the same, it's a choice we can all make.

I feel sorry for the OP, as he obviously loves his wife, and seems confused that she keeps saying she wants to lose weight, but then does nothing about it, and eats some more biscuits while moaning about it! I'd' be confused as well.

Lin

Some people turn to food as a coping mechanism, after life events such as bereavement, depression. Some people are emotional eaters. I know someone who recently told a friend of mine that shes been eating in secret since her teens, sweet stuff, her kids easter eggs for example (which she obviously replaced). No one knows, her husband and her kids dont know. Shes in her 40s and has been doing that since her teens. You might not understand why food is linked to emotions but it clearly is given that so many people end up with anorexia, bulimia, people who compulsively eat. There are also a range of eating disorders where people are quite ill, but because they are within a healthy weight range, they struggle to get treatment, but they still have an eating disorder.

Cloudydaze

So what's the answer? So how do you help someone who is overweight because of previous traumas and unhealthy relationships with food. Do you just say - don't worry it's not your fault? It's fine for you to be overweight. Here's a jumbo bar of chocolate to help you feel better?

Regardless of the emotional issues you may have, you still only have one body and you are still responsible for that body. If you want to fill it with rubbish, you will continue to feel rubbish.

Gigervamp

What did people use as an emotional crutch years ago? I know that some became alcoholics, or hooked on Valium, but it wasn't that many. Certainly not as many as there are overweight people now.

I wonder if it's more a case of slowly piling on the pounds through unhealthy eating, and then it becomes an emotional issue.

TBagpuss

Have you talked to your wife to ask her what *she* would like you to do to support her in her wish to lose weight?

Tell her that you feel helpless, as she has talked a lot about wanting to lose weight, but that you feel if you make suggestions she will feel you are nagging her , and if you don't, you feel as though you are not listening to, or responding to what she says.

Getting started can be daunting, so it may be that starting with something gradual and fun such as Wii games if she enjoys them, might help.

Listen to what she says. If she says that she doesn't want you to make 'helpful' suggestions, don't.

paulineb_2

Gigervamp wrote: »

What did people use as an emotional crutch years ago? I know that some became alcoholics, or hooked on Valium, but it wasn't that many. Certainly not as many as there are overweight people now.

I wonder if it's more a case of slowly piling on the pounds through unhealthy eating, and then it becomes an emotional issue.

I wouldnt always have called myself an emotional eater. But after a long time suffering with anxiety and a few years including a bereavement and some really challenging times for a family member that made her ill and me unwell with worry about her, this was over quite a long time period, I realised I was using food as a coping mechanism and I was also so low that I wasnt going to be doing exercise classes and eating healthily. I know what my triggers are, I have problems with moderation, wasnt always like that for me, but it is now.

I would also suggest that in times gone by perhaps people did have eating disorders, but given the variety and access to different kinds of food and the availability of junk food, theres so much food choice now, people can get overweight very quickly if they choose to.

In my home town theres a couple of chip shops at war because one has just opened next door to one that they rent premises to. And 50 metres away, theres another one. The last thing that my town needed was yet another chip shop or fast food outlet/takeaway, its heaving.

paulineb_2

Cloudydaze wrote: »

So what's the answer? So how do you help someone who is overweight because of previous traumas and unhealthy relationships with food. Do you just say - don't worry it's not your fault? It's fine for you to be overweight. Here's a jumbo bar of chocolate to help you feel better?

Regardless of the emotional issues you may have, you still only have one body and you are still responsible for that body. If you want to fill it with rubbish, you will continue to feel rubbish.

Counselling may be appropriate for some people. Cognitive behavioural therapy.

Some people need support to sort out whatever issues they have with food and dare I say it themselves.

supersaver2

Gigervamp wrote: »

What did people use as an emotional crutch years ago? I know that some became alcoholics, or hooked on Valium, but it wasn't that many. Certainly not as many as there are overweight people now.

I wonder if it's more a case of slowly piling on the pounds through unhealthy eating, and then it becomes an emotional issue.

It seems most people can't take responsibility for themselves, there always has to be someone or an emotional problem to blame. Never seems to be that maybe they lack willpower and just like to eat rubbish!

heartbreak_star

supersaver2 wrote: »

It seems most people can't take responsibility for themselves, there always has to be someone or an emotional problem to blame. Never seems to be that maybe they lack willpower and just like to eat rubbish!

I'm glad you've never been in a situation where you've needed an emotional crutch. I hope you never have to be.

It could be alcohol, drugs, overwork, overspending, or self-harm. It just so happens that mine (and some other peoples' too) is food.

I think in the past it wasn't so much that people didn't need an emotional crutch, they had them and just didn't talk about them. My uncle, for example, used to go through around a quarter of whisky a night. Every night. That would ring alarm bells now, but maybe not twenty years ago.

HBS x

lostinrates

Gigervamp wrote: »

What did people use as an emotional crutch years ago? I know that some became alcoholics, or hooked on Valium, but it wasn't that many. Certainly not as many as there are overweight people now.

I wonder if it's more a case of slowly piling on the pounds through unhealthy eating, and then it becomes an emotional issue.

More people smoked too. More people had faith, or at least social structure of faith.

I DO think we have a problem in society with self control, boundaries and excess, but I don't think its a problem confined to over eaters. They just have the problem of not being able to conceal it or deny it in the same way as people who mainly use other tools of release or succour and thus are vulnerable to pillory.

supersaver2

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'm glad you've never been in a situation where you've needed an emotional crutch. I hope you never have to be.

It could be alcohol, drugs, overwork, overspending, or self-harm. It just so happens that mine (and some other peoples' too) is food.

I think in the past it wasn't so much that people didn't need an emotional crutch, they had them and just didn't talk about them. My uncle, for example, used to go through around a quarter of whisky a night. Every night. That would ring alarm bells now, but maybe not twenty years ago.

HBS x

You really don't know that I haven't been in a situation that required an emotional crutch. Over the past 2 years I've been through an extremely difficult time with my very young daughter, 2 major surgeries and over a year hospital stay, I would imagine that could be classed as an emotional time. I personally feel plenty of people do make excuses, I'm not denying that people are suffering with genuine eating disorders, whether that is over or under eating, I just think people jump on the band wagon so to speak.