Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

I certainly wouldn't ditch my husband if he put on a lot of weight and wasn't losing it and showing little motivation to do so, but I would feel quite confused because the man I married is a strong willed, determined andvery health conscious person and that is very much part of why I fell in love with him, so it wouldn't be just a case of his physic changing, which indeed would probably affect how attracted I am with him but also the person he is inside.

However I would trust that the person I married would be back given time and support, so would take a lot before I gave up on helping him.

I think the point that those of us who aren't slim:o are saying is you can have the traits you admire in your husband and be either overweight for 'the reason of a bit of greed' or other reasons.

I'm strong willed and very health conscious too. Didn't stop me getting I'll and I don't think it stops people developing mental illness. I believe eating disorders often require incredibly strong wills, and don't always leave one thinner.


I'm lucky my husband fell in love with be DESPITE my strong will. As I have gained weight he has never made me feel unloved. Though my wright is medical, I have like many women a ' difficult' relationship with food because we now know that while we thought I was just ' a good doer' and so ate very little to maintain my weight, I might have had the 'imbalances' that became more obvious as I became more profoundly unwell.

I work hard to try not to put on weight, and indeed to lose it, but I have to say if my husband ridiculed or humiliated me rAther than loved me I'd find it very, very difficult. Probably damaging.

rosie_78

She sounds like she needs the diet I had - I lost 17 stone of useless fat A little while ago.

I dumped his useless insulting !!!!

Netwizard

Gra76 wrote: »

She's always saying she's going to lose weight, but then does nothing about it,

Having worked in an office full of slim, as well as overweight women for the past 10 years, they all say this! They come into work with their slimming world books adding up their synns for the day, eat a nice healthy lunch, and then hammer the biscuits at coffee time! All rubbish!

Imo say nothing else and just let her make her own choices. When she can't walk round the shops or struggles to get up the stairs at night, maybe she will think she needs to do something about it.

Or sign her up for the Secret Eaters show on Channel 4

heartbreak_star

Tink2 wrote: »

You do choose what to put in your mouth

Did you even read the post you took this quote from? You've obviously never been in that mental place if you don't understand.

I agree with you, would like to point out though that veg are carbs

Not all of them.

And I would like to add, there's no need to cut anything out really, you just need to cut down

Again, see my post you quoted...

As for exercise how about something fun like the wii? You can both do it and it's fun

Because light exercise won't really do a damn thing. You need to really get a sweat on. Wii is fun. It's just not very exercise-y...it is a game for a games console and should be treated as such. Walking would be better.

There we go

HBS x

Morglin

Losing weight needn't get so complicated, it really just is a case of taking in less calories than you are burning off.

I can't exercise much (disabled) and the hospital remarked I was getting a bit lardy at a routine check up (DH hadn't said a word, but I knew I had anyway), so I just signed up for WW online, got the app, stuck to the pro-points thing, and lost about 4lbs a week, til I got where I needed to be.

Luckily, I love fruit, veg, and salad, and hate chocolate, so it wasn't that bad.

My reason for gaining weight was too many things like peanuts, too many glasses of wine socially - all lethal where weight is concerned.:eek:

No excuses - it was all down to me. :eek:

I don't seriously know where all this emotion and stuff comes into it - either lose the weight or stay the same, it's a choice we can all make.

I feel sorry for the OP, as he obviously loves his wife, and seems confused that she keeps saying she wants to lose weight, but then does nothing about it, and eats some more biscuits while moaning about it! I'd' be confused as well.

Lin

quidsy

I don't seriously know where all this emotion and stuff comes into it - either lose the weight or stay the same, it's a choice we can all make.

Just becuase you don't suffer from it doesn't mean it isn't an issue for others.

heartbreak_star

It is NOT always a choice. See my earlier post. Emotions manifest themselves in all sorts of ways - if I am angry I either eat something large and unhealthy, drink vodka, break something or run until I collapse. None of those are healthy, they're all purely emotional responses, each as valid as the next.

When it comes down to choice, are you saying an anorexic just has the choice to eat a pie? That they'd get better if they just chose to eat?


HBS x

Rummer

Weight is always such an emotive issue and it is difficult to discuss without people getting upset. I completely understand where the OP is coming from, it sounds as if he loves his wife just as she is. However her weight is something that upsets her he is trying to support her in losing weight, in fact was asking for help on how to do that in a supportive way.

As many have said though, the commitment to lose weight has to come from the person, however there are little things that you can do to help. Explore and cook healthy meals together, go walking/swimming/dancing as a couple or in fact any exercise you can do together and enjoy. Maybe treat her to a spa day or some other pampering treat as often when we feel good about ourselves it encourages us to take better care of ourselves.

squashy

I applaud you for trying to support her. Bless my husband, he never knows quite the right thing to say!

My suggestions:
- Make an effort yourself to eat more healthily and take exercise, it may rub off on her. Offer to cook for you both, without making a point of saying "it will be good for you" etc
- Offer to take her shopping for a new outfit(s), let her choose something that will flatter her shape NOW, not a dress to slim into or anything.
- Tell her she is beautiful
- Have a joint clear out of clothes to the charity shop, throw away anything that doesn't fit either too small or too big. Link it into your planned shopping trip as above.

In summary, just support support support, don't nag or chastise, don't tut if you see her eating chocolate or point out her wobbly bits, she will already be painfully aware. Good luck.

Mojisola

Gra76 wrote: »

My wife needs to lose a good 5-6 stone in weight. She knows it and has been saying she's going to do it since the beginning of last year.

Problem is that she's still saying she's going to do 16 months later but if anything she's put weight on.

Am I right in thinking I shouldn't be pushing it any more?

It seems the more I mention it the less she wants to do it. I know she can do it if she really wants to as she managed to lose 50+ lbs for our wedding (nearly 11 years ago) but has slowly been piling it back on ever since.

Gra76 wrote: »

I don't nag her to lose weight.

She talks about it all the time, but then does nothing about it. I'm trying to find ways to help motivate her, I think people are assuming far too much from what I posted!

It's not clear from your posts whether you are "nagging" her or not.

If she says anything to you about losing weight, ask her what you can do to help her rather than trying to find solutions for her.

If the eating is a sign of unhappiness, the solution might be in other areas. If the reason for the comfort eating can resolved, she will start to lose weight.

When the overweight and underweight people on "Supersize vs Superskinny" programme start talking about why they have gained or lost weight, there is often a trigger - a parent's death, a miscarriage, being bullied at school, etc - some issue that they hadn't emotionally dealt with.