Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

fannyanna

paulineb wrote: »

I dont see many people saying the words bad person.

Probably not but some of the comments made amount to saying the OP is a bad person. Just in the first 3 responses.

Response 1 - You'll damage her self esteem

Response 2 - Must be a wind up / meanest thing I've heard

Response 3 - Talk about humiliating someone / that poor woman.

tesuhoha

paulineb wrote: »

Motivation has to come from within. He could ask her to parade up and down in bikinis every night of the week. Unless she wants to change her life, she won't. He can support her, but she has to do it.

I know Pauline that you have said in the past that you can't have temptation in the house but that is your way and it works for you. This lady wants the food and it is forbidden. It is not her choice not to eat at present. You have made your choice and you know you can have the goodies if you want them but you choose not to eat them.

People with a history of dieting often have more problems with calorie restriction because it is often mixed up with comfort, reward and satisfaction, lots of emotion.

tesuhoha

paulineb wrote: »

What I mean is. It may not be that easy to stop eating in secret. Particularly if it's been going on for quite some time.

I see what you mean but I think her husband should work on letting her know its okay to enjoy food and goodies. The doctor is a good idea too.

Gloomendoom

Natalie1987 wrote: »

Why don't you just leave her alone and let her do what she wants.

Even if her health is at stake?

cats2012

bluenoseam wrote: »

Think the OP's getting or is going to get a rough time over his post, but here's a shocking truth for those people thinking he's a jerk. There's no nice way of saying "you need to lose weight", but the truth hurts, that's just plain & simple logic right there. Was it perhaps a little clumsy to do it in the manner he did, yep, but lets be brutally honest here, it's better than the "looks" she'll get on the beach.

I hate to say it but I'm in this camp. Being considerably overweight is just so bad for her health and the confidence/health she would feel by being smaller would be phenomenal. I agree this has been done in completely the wrong way though - perhaps you could find some case studies of people who have been through the process and show her how it can work? I know for me seeing the real, possible end result really works.

Also doing stuff together, exercise wise, is a great shout.

NYGiants

tesuhoha wrote: »

Another young troll on their Easter holidays.

Touched a nerve have I? :huh:

An extra 5-6 stones is not just "overweight", it's dangerously overweight.

paulineb_2

tesuhoha wrote: »

I know Pauline that you have said in the past that you can't have temptation in the house but that is your way and it works for you. This lady wants the food and it is forbidden. It is not her choice not to eat at present. You have made your choice and you know you can have the goodies if you want them but you choose not to eat them.

People with a history of dieting often have more problems with calorie restriction because it is often mixed up with comfort, reward and satisfaction, lots of emotion.

Im very aware of what its like to struggle with food issues. Ive spoken about mine. I understand what you are saying, take the secret away, bring it out in the open, reduce the shame. But my view is that she has been responding like this for quite some time now (I assume so as shes quite overweight), habits can take some time to change. Even if her husband said, lets have takeaway, nothing is forbidden, lets have cake. She might still go away and eat in secret.

And I agree about the calorie counting. I said much earlier in the thread, it doesnt work for everyone. You have to find what works for you.

It might not be that easy with a partner who has done it and she can't.

And yes, clearing the house of junk has worked for me personally, but thats because Im not good with moderation, the have a little of what you fancy works for some people. Not me. I do have occasional food treats, I go out and buy them, I wont have them sitting in the house.

lostinrates

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Of course she feels guilty and ashamed.

Gra76, I actually think you do have the best of intentions...but she's not going to stop eating secretly because she thinks she'll get berated if you know she is eating.

I'd second a GP visit, because secret eating - and in fact a lot of food issues - boil down to mental health. Does she have anything else going on in her life? Does she have things to look forward to that aren't food-related?

HBS x

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Even if her health is at stake?

I agree with heartbreak star. Eating 'in secret' sounds not healthy so I would say 'at stake' is no longer the key element here, physical health yes, still at stake.

heartbreak_star

And as to those of you who say "it's a choice to eat things"...if your mind is in that bad a place, it isn't.

The problem is, food isn't something you can give up. Well, unless you're a mad Breatharian, but that's another story.

Imagine a drug counsellor telling a heroin addict "you can have one hit a week".

Imagine an alcohol counsellor saying "you can have shandy but not lager".

That's what it's like for someone who is a compulsive overeater when they are told "well just don't eat that". It's an addiction to something that you can only give up with the unfortunate side effect of death.

I hope this at least makes some sense. I'm trying to explain it as I feel it - I think I made some posts along the same lines in the other thread.

HBS x

tesuhoha

NYGiants wrote: »

Touched a nerve have I? :huh:

An extra 5-6 stones is not just "overweight", it's dangerously overweight.

What nerve would that be? The lady might be overweight but suggesting that her husband leave her because of it suggests a very shallow mindset. Remember Shallow Hal?