Is there any way to motivate the missus to lose weight? Running out of ideas...

dandelionclock30

bluenoseam wrote: »

Think the OP's getting or is going to get a rough time over his post, but here's a shocking truth for those people thinking he's a jerk. There's no nice way of saying "you need to lose weight", but the truth hurts, that's just plain & simple logic right there. Was it perhaps a little clumsy to do it in the manner he did, yep, but lets be brutally honest here, it's better than the "looks" she'll get on the beach.

Trouble is his OH isn't going to shift any weight as she's not mentally invested in it & has no motivation to change - hence the excuses. To lose weight you have to have the desire to do it, otherwise you're not going to be able to work through the rough part to see the gains. Lets be fair here, none of us who've lost weight immediately started running 5k's, we all started being knackered after 500m - the difference being we were mentally programed to get over that bridge.

I hope there's some less judgemental people will post & instead of slaughtering OP for his haphazzard ways will see that ultimately what he's trying to do is improve his OH's life. Seems though that she's not willing to do it so well, it's going to be a waste of time & empty words until she gets that 5-6 stone overweight is massively more likely to encounter serious health issues in the future.

No woman whos overweight needs to be told that they need to loose weight. They already know that they do.So whats the point of telling them something they already know?
OPs wife will only loose weight when she wants to, no amount of pointing it out will achieve anything at all apart from make her more resentfull.

supersaver2

tesuhoha wrote: »

What nerve would that be? The lady might be overweight but suggesting that her husband leave her because of it suggests a very shallow mindset. Remember Shallow Hal?

To be fair I can kind of see a point. If a person gains lots of weight they may become unattractive/undesirable to their partner even if they do still love them. Taking care of yourself for your own sake and your partners is no bad thing. I take good care of myself, keep myself trim and clean and tidy, I like to feel good but also want to be attractive to my wife.

tesuhoha

supersaver2 wrote: »

To be fair I can kind of see a point. If a person gains lots of weight they may become unattractive/undesirable to their partner even if they do still love them. Taking care of yourself for your own sake and your partners is no bad thing. I take good care of myself, keep myself trim and clean and tidy, I like to feel good but also want to be attractive to my wife.

I agree with you but she has to come around to it in the right way, where she feels she is in control and does not feel she is being watched/criticised.

As she has dieted in the past she has the diet/binge mentality and is an emotional eater by the sound of it.

tesuhoha

paulineb wrote: »

Im very aware of what its like to struggle with food issues. Ive spoken about mine. I understand what you are saying, take the secret away, bring it out in the open, reduce the shame. But my view is that she has been responding like this for quite some time now (I assume so as shes quite overweight), habits can take some time to change. Even if her husband said, lets have takeaway, nothing is forbidden, lets have cake. She might still go away and eat in secret.

And I agree about the calorie counting. I said much earlier in the thread, it doesnt work for everyone. You have to find what works for you.

It might not be that easy with a partner who has done it and she can't.

And yes, clearing the house of junk has worked for me personally, but thats because Im not good with moderation, the have a little of what you fancy works for some people. Not me. I do have occasional food treats, I go out and buy them, I wont have them sitting in the house.

I agree that it is not at all simple and it is much more of an issue than her husband realises i.e.as far as he is concerned she should just be able to diet and lose weight.

chocdonuty

I'll tell you what works for me, I'm not at an ideal weight yet but have lost 4 stone over a longer period and it's stayed off for going on a year now.
Forget diets! No big changes, eat how you would normally but making small changes for the better such as - smaller portions, grill rather than frying, less snacking, brown bread for white, fill up on veg and meat rather than carbs,
doesn't have to be overnight but gradual changes so that it becomes normal to eat this way rather than a massive change that she rebels against or slips back into the old routine.
Don't buy biscuits, cakes, chocolate, crisps ect except occasionally and only then a single portion rather than a multipack ect, really simple but if it's not there you can't eat it, you will have to go without too
Find a gym or exercise she likes, I go to gymaphobics which although tends to be pricier it's close to work, only takes half an hour so easy to fit in around life and work, you get a load more support and motivation from these places too than normal gyms.

Hope this helps, I can see where you're coming from but maybe not the best way to go about it

System

pinkteapot wrote: »

Exactly what everyone will say in response to your post.

She won't lose weight until she really wants to. It takes motivation.

Nagging her about it won't help - all you'll do is damage her self-esteem. She needs to feel positive and determined.

This x100

I have needed to lose weight for a long time. I've had exes try and bully me or shame me into it and that never helped. I just felt crap about myself.

What she needs to have is what I call her "lightbulb" moment. The moment she realises she wants to lose weight, the moment where she decides she needs to, and the moment she realises she can.

It's taken a long time to get to having that moment but now I've had it there is no stopping me. I've never felt so motivated in my life, and I think that's partly because I am doing it for me not someone else. I need to lose more weight than your wife, and my bf knows this but has never been negative about it, he's assured me he loves me whatever my size but can see if be happier in myself and healthier if I lost weight.

I understand it's frustrating as hell to witness someone be unhappy but do nothing about it, but try not to lose all hope as I think when she's ready she will do it

NYGiants

tesuhoha wrote: »

What nerve would that be? The lady might be overweight but suggesting that her husband leave her because of it suggests a very shallow mindset. Remember Shallow Hal?

That would depend on what she looked like when they first got together.

Someone 5-6 stones overweight has a trait of being either greedy or lazy, or both; traits which I don't want in a partner.

Why should he settle for second best?

paulineb_2

NYGiants wrote: »

That would depend on what she looked like when they first got together.

Someone 5-6 stones overweight has a trait of being either greedy or lazy, or both; traits which I don't want in a partner.

Why should he settle for second best?

Hes lost 3 stones, there was a point where he was overweight as well. Perhaps people do love one another and dont just run off whenever life gets a bit tough.

supersaver2

chocdonuty wrote: »

I'll tell you what works for me, I'm not at an ideal weight yet but have lost 4 stone over a longer period and it's stayed off for going on a year now.
Forget diets! No big changes, eat how you would normally but making small changes for the better such as - smaller portions, grill rather than frying, less snacking, brown bread for white, fill up on veg and meat rather than carbs,
doesn't have to be overnight but gradual changes so that it becomes normal to eat this way rather than a massive change that she rebels against or slips back into the old routine.
Don't buy biscuits, cakes, chocolate, crisps ect except occasionally and only then a single portion rather than a multipack ect, really simple but if it's not there you can't eat it, you will have to go without too
Find a gym or exercise she likes, I go to gymaphobics which although tends to be pricier it's close to work, only takes half an hour so easy to fit in around life and work, you get a load more support and motivation from these places too than normal gyms.

Hope this helps, I can see where you're coming from but maybe not the best way to go about it

Some good advice there, very sensible!

My sister has the type of body that can gain weight easily, she keeps on top of it by cutting sugar from her tea, switching to skimmed milk, only buying plain biscuits instead of chocolate ones etc and it works for her. Also lots of walking with her pram and dogs and she swears by hoovering her whole house every day, not only does she get a sweat on but her house always looks very tidy! Lots of small changes you can make that will slowly make a difference.

tesuhoha

NYGiants wrote: »

That would depend on what she looked like when they first got together.

Someone 5-6 stones overweight has a trait of being either greedy or lazy, or both; traits which I don't want in a partner.

Why should he settle for second best?

She could be neither of those but be having an emotional meltdown and binge eating is an actual eating disorder, a psychological problem.