is this baby a relation of mine?

victory

Sorry wrong thread ..........

Georgiegirl256

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

He said its because this baby was born whilst we were together?

That's got nothing to do with it at all. You're not the Aunty to any of them because you're not married to your OH.

I have 2 nieces through marriage, but they don't call me Aunty or even my husband uncle....thank goodness, or else I'd feel really old! They're not that much younger than me tbh.

When I was growing up, I called my Mam and Dad's closest friends Aunty & Uncle, and 2 of them are actually my godparents, and tbh they are more of an Aunty & Uncle to me than most of my real Aunty & Uncles, and I still call them that now.

bewilderedhelpneeded

listerinspector wrote: »

As you're not married, they're not your relations or family. Technically and legally they're not.

But to give you the title of auntie is easier and self explanatory, far quicker and easier than to say 'brother's girlfriend' or 'boyfriend's brothers kids'.

So I'd say just accept the title, but it doesn't mean you have to be overly lovey dovey towards them.

I am actually an auntie to a niece ( my sisters baby) and I think this is where im struggling - I dont feel anything towards this new baby apart from fact its my boyfriends brothers new baby whereas my niece means the world to me and I feel that I have a responsibility towards her as her auntie. I simply do not have the same depth of feelings towards this new baby

bewilderedhelpneeded

daisiegg wrote: »

My husband's sister has a child and she doesn't refer to me as aunty even though I think of myself that way. When I mentioned something about it briefly she said 'oh I suppose you are aunty-in-law'! This seemed weird to me as in my family, spouses of aunties/uncles were automatically aunties/uncles too.

Conversely, I once dated an Indian boy and every single female relative or family friend who was more than about 5 years older than you got called aunty.

You are not married to the baby's uncle so are not 'technically' an aunty, but obviously your bf wants you to be part of the family. Why don't you feel like you are?[/QUOTE

id consider you auntie to husbands sisters child! My sisters baby is absolutely my niece and I have huge feelings towards my niece because of that - a bond if that makes sence? I dont feel the same way about this new baby. I feel that I dont ' belong' to his family as im not married into it either by marriage or living together and as my boyfriend and I dont have children together there is not that connection either. My boyfriend has children and I dont class them as my step children either as we dont live together.

bewilderedhelpneeded

splishsplash wrote: »

Of course you're not the baby's aunt.
Even if you and your boyfriend were married, strictly speaking you would be the baby's uncle's wife, not the baby's aunt.
If your boyfriend has sisters, they would be the baby's aunts, as would your boyfriend's sister-in-law's sisters.

Whether you feel affection for the baby is another matter altogether, and would depend on (for me) on how close you are to the couple. I'd feel closer to good friends' babies than babies belonging to distant relatives.

That's really clear as mud, isnt' it:rotfl:.

im not particularly close distance wise or emotionally to them which I think is adding to it. I didnt feel the need to drop everything to travel to see new baby and I still dont really. Whereas when my sister had her baby I drove 4 hours to meet baby in hospital

bewilderedhelpneeded

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Technically you're not the child's aunt as you haven't married into your boyfriend's family. But if it's important to your boyfriend that you show some attachment to his blood relatives, if you care his feelings at all, it would be best to feign an interest.

Trouble is my boyfriend sees how I am with my niece - travelling 4 hours to see her when I can buying her things etc. I think he expects me to feel same way towards this baby but I just dont. Yes im interested but not in same 'auntie' way!

bsms1147

splishsplash wrote: »

Of course you're not the baby's aunt.
Even if you and your boyfriend were married, strictly speaking you would be the baby's uncle's wife

...which is an aunt.

splishsplash

bsms1147 wrote: »

...which is an aunt.

Maybe it's different here - an uncle's wife is technically an aunt but not really. We'd say 'She's my aunt by marriage', as opposed to a true aunt (blood relation).

Person_one

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

Trouble is my boyfriend sees how I am with my niece - travelling 4 hours to see her when I can buying her things etc. I think he expects me to feel same way towards this baby but I just dont. Yes im interested but not in same 'auntie' way!

How you feel about your niece will be how he feels about the new baby.

There has been research that shows that strength of feeling towards a baby is related to how much DNA you share with it, which seems like a pretty cold way of looking at things but is clearly what you're experiencing here!

You don't have to feel like an auntie, but BitterandTwisted is right that it would be nice to take an interest and try to share some of his enthusiasm.

lilmissreading

My relationships with people's children is largely determined by my relationship with them. For example, I get very excited by my close friend's 2 little nippers, like to buy them pointless plastic things, or things with sugar in, seeing them, playing games etc. If my brother had children, I would be much less interested as we are not close and therefore I would feel less interested in making the effort to get to know the new person. After all at the early stages, it seems to be a lot of staring at them sleeping and talking to the new parent(s), while trying to do some washing up for them. Therefore I need the good relationship with the parents before I can bond with a shiny new person who is only with me on the say so of said parents.

What does your bf say when you explain you find it hard to feel close to his nephew? What's he like with your niece?