is this baby a relation of mine?

RobotsinDisguse

OP, I forgot to say in my original post that I think you are respecting their situation by not invading them straight away. I'm currently pregnant with my first so might be a bit sensitive but I don't think I'd want anyone other than Very close family & friends in round in the first week or so.... Learning about new baby, sore from birth, leaking boobs...

There's an ethos called the 4th a Trimester.... That baby had to be born else it would get stuck but it's so small, helpless, and adjusting to life outside that the first 3 months should be a special reserved time of adjustment. So If you needed any 'evidence' for keeping your distance for a while just mention that!

The OP wanted others opinions to see if how she felt was uncommon or not, thus talking with her boyfriend isn't what will help that particular question.

Mojisola

splishsplash wrote: »

Maybe it's different here - an uncle's wife is technically an aunt but not really. We'd say 'She's my aunt by marriage', as opposed to a true aunt (blood relation).

Where is "here"?

bewilderedhelpneeded

Um - not sure what planet some people are on here!

We have talked about this and discussed it which is where my boyfriend said to me I should consider baby my nephew as he was born while we were together. I posted on here as I thought others might be in similar situation and I wondered what relationship they saw themselves as having in babys life. I only have one niece so maybe I was trying to compare my feelings too much.

Georgiegirl256

wapow wrote: »

The easy answer is to talk! The OP hasn't said they have tried to talk about their feelings?


The stuff you women SHOULD be bringing up you don't and then you complain that men don't take your feelings into consideration etc etc. What????!!?!?!!

I do get where you are coming from in that the OP should talk to her OH, however, the same could be said about ALOT of the threads that pop up on here, but sometimes, people like to get different views and perspectives, and sometimes just want to talk to someone who's outside of the situation.

Out of interest, what 'stuff' should us women be bringing up then?! Btw, although mainly women, there are quite a few men on here as well.

wapow

OP - Thanks for the clarification. So is your OH upset even after you having explained yourself and the way you feel about the situation?

Thanks

duchy

May just be family dynamics are very different.
You make a huge fuss of your niece because she for example isn't local so you don't see her often and your boyfriend assumes you'd treat all "family babies" the same way if you saw them on a daily basis. Also you're buying for ONE baby not several nieces and nephews so the amounts spent are inevitably different too?

bewilderedhelpneeded

Im a mum myself and can remember how overwelming visitors can be when you have new baby - my bf is from large family so I feel its only right I let them have first cuddles rather than me pushing my way in. Ill explain this when I see them. I sent card and messages of congrats as soon as I found out he had been born and ive been commenting on pics on facebook so not as if ive ignored it I just dont feel need to rush over as I dont think of him as my nephew

paulineb_2

splishsplash wrote: »

Of course you're not the baby's aunt.
Even if you and your boyfriend were married, strictly speaking you would be the baby's uncle's wife, not the baby's aunt.
If your boyfriend has sisters, they would be the baby's aunts, as would your boyfriend's sister-in-law's sisters.

Whether you feel affection for the baby is another matter altogether, and would depend on (for me) on how close you are to the couple. I'd feel closer to good friends' babies than babies belonging to distant relatives.

That's really clear as mud, isnt' it:rotfl:.

Tbh, some people do refer to aunts and uncles by marriage, their aunt and uncle. As has been said, I think its easier to call someone aunt, than uncles wife.

paulineb_2

bewilderedhelpneeded wrote: »

I am actually an auntie to a niece ( my sisters baby) and I think this is where im struggling - I dont feel anything towards this new baby apart from fact its my boyfriends brothers new baby whereas my niece means the world to me and I feel that I have a responsibility towards her as her auntie. I simply do not have the same depth of feelings towards this new baby

You don't have to, but if you and your bf got married or engaged do you think your feelings towards this new baby would change?

I think you and your bf are entitled to have a difference of opinion over it all, but try and make sure it doesn't become too much of a row, really the bottom line is as long as you and he are happy and the baby is doing well, that's all that matters.

bewilderedhelpneeded

Yes he does appear upset by what ive said It appears he thought id be straight over there minute baby was born. Maybe this has highlighted to him that I dont feel like a family member and it makes him uncomfortable. Ill ask him about it